A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I signed up for an online dating site for people of the same religion as me for a laugh, and I ended up doing a search on guys for fun. There was someone whom I really fancy by looking at his pictures/profile - but he works in a different country and is around 5 years older than me! (I'm at college and graduate next year). He's been "favourited" by quite a few other people too so probs has already gotten loads of attention from girls. Having read his profile, though, he sounds really nice, not like a lot of the guys you meet on online dating. I know lots of boys at uni but even those of my religion I just don't have a thing for.I really fancy him already, I know it's stupid but he seems completely like my type apart from the fact he doesn't live here/is older than me. I know some people might say "go for it", but due to the age difference I'm not sure if it'd be worth it, and I don't think I'd get a response without putting some pictures of myself up, which is really not something I want to do on an online dating site. Even the profile I have now (which is virtually empty) has already gotten about 10 weird messages! And how do you tell whether someone actually is who they say there are on online dating, and know when to trust them with your Skype etc.? Advice? I've got the weirdest crush on him, and I don't even have crushes on male celebrities so it's freaking me out. I think he just seems like a really nice guy with other qualities most male friends at college don't have. :/
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Hi there. It sounds like you haven't actually spoken to him yet.
Is that true?
What I am saying, is that you have read his profile and like how it sounds, and you like how he looks.
But you have not had a conversation with him as yet.
Five years age difference isn't really a lot.
The main thing to take into consideration here, is that he doesn't live in your country.
And so this would make it a long distance relationship, if you decided to get to know him.
And of course as you have already said here, on dating sites you can't always be sure that they are being honest with you, about themselves.
What they say about their life and what they do for a living, might all be completely true, but what they might conveniently leave out, is that they might be married and with a family.
Or if not married, they could already be in a relationship.
And so this is always a bit of a gamble, as talk is cheap.
And really, there is probably no way of ever finding out the whole truth anyway.
And so this is why you need to be very careful, when talking to people on the dating websites, because you just never know who they really are.
Most times they might be honest, but there will always be some people who just lie about themselves, and with just about everything about their life.
So there's a great need for caution here.
And just supposing he is single, and available, and you get along really well, it is going to be a friendship mainly consisting of talking on skype or else just simply chatting online, for most of the time.
And it certainly comes a very poor second place, to actually being with someone in person - face to face.
There is no comparison whatsoever.
And long distance relationships can be very lonely indeed, and with many trust issues for both parties, because of the inevitable uncertainty of not knowing what the other person is up to, when they are not talking to you.
And this is probably, the greatest problem in most LDR's, for sure.
And of course the obvious, of not being able to see each other - if at all.
Because as you are both in two different countries, this can make it very costly to travel to be together.
And in many cases, it just wouldn't be practicable at all.
In fact, it could be almost prohibitive.
And especially, if this young man, lives in another continent of the world altogether.
Flying across oceans to be together.
This could amount to thousands and thousands of dollars per flight, and maybe just for a few days!
These are the things you have to think about if you are really considering getting to know this man.
And unfortunately, on dating websites, there is a huge chance of meeting someone who does live on the other side of the world.
And so if you really want to pursue dating online, it might be wiser to search for dating sites, that are in the USA, and in a state near to yours.
Or better still, in your own state and town.
As then, you have a real chance of actually seeing each other fairly regularly.
And if you are to be in a relationship at all, well then you want to be able to see them regularly, don't you?
Otherwise, you are going to be alone a lot of the time.
Plus, you will see other young women seeing their boyfriends all the time, while you sit at home chatting online to your boyfriend, because he lives in another country.
So as you can see, there is a lot to think about here, when even contemplating the possibility of a long distance relationship.
And eventually, if you did pursue this, you would get rather tired of it and probably want to end it.
And then you are back to square one, once more.
Think about this very very carefully, before you make any kind of decision.
Because I promise you, it could be a very lonely experience for you, and one which you might later regret.
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