A
male
age
41-50,
*ingnut19
writes:This is not like me but I've got a crush on a girl who is 18. I have never been attracted to a girl with that big of an age difference and I kinda of feel weird aboit it. I'm 30. When I first met this girl I thought she was 22-24, and that is right on the boarder line for me. So I found out how old she was, and didn't want to persue any type of a relationship. Now we talk a lot and I see her almost everyday and we get along great. I find myself becoming more comfortable around her and I realized today that I like this girl. She acts a lot older than she is and looks older too. I just think if I try to ask her out it might wreck the friendship we've formed. I also can't help but think that if I do nothing then I could regret it and we could of had something special. She has told me that she only dates older guys but no one over 24 has come up. I would like some advice on this. Wheather I should just get those thoughts out of my head or just go for it when the time is right. I know a lot of people date someone who is 15 yeqrs apart and more. I was also think of just staying her friend and if she is still single at 20, I would ask her out. A little advice is greatly appreciated. Ciao
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): you will never know until you express your feelings. She may feel the same way about you.
Ask her out on a date or an evening out with friends to break the ice but focus on her the whole evening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): I have a daughter her age and if she were dating some 30 year old man, I might have to introduce him to my shotgun.:)Every 18 year old girl THINKS she is older than she really is. It's as if immaturity is only a "boy" plague and they're somehow above it. They always want to be seen as more mature, hang around "older" boys and they put on quiet a lame facade too. It's like a little 5 year old, wearing heels and smearing on her mother's lipstick - very transparent and unconvincing to anyone that has been through these life stages.The fact is the brain doesn't fully mature until the age of 25 and let's not even go into life experience. My daughter is convinced that there are always "deeper" meanings to boy's gestures and what they say and she spends hours trying to analyze it. She still does not have a strong understanding of romantic relationships, how to effectively communicate and solve issues, nor does she fully understand that actions speak louder than words. At the same time, I don't expect her to fully understand that. Heck I didn't fully understand that until I was in my mid-twenties. All these things finally sink in and the bulb goes on after a few bad experiences and brain development.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): OP 9 year difference between me and my fiancée and she was barely 19 when we got together.
Beyond all the "age difference" as a concept thing it depends on the two people involved, can you handle all the things that an age difference brings, can she, what are your intentions, hers, what kind of people you are also matters.
Maturity is a load of shite after 18, it matters, it makes a difference but not in the way people think it does if you're talking about two good, intelligent people that are on the same page about what they're getting into and want.
My personality and my fiancées matched so well it actually was only after 2 years of friendship we just evolved into what we are now.
"Wheather I should just get those thoughts out of my head"
Yeah, that's not going to happen and you know it, if you ever figure how to do that you'll be a millionaire.
OP get to know her, see how well you click. See if you're on the same wavelength in the ways that are important and at least have qualities that can compliment each other.
OP the most important thing though is comfort if you're not comfortable then don't do it, I've mainly dated younger women, I work really well with them and am able to balance my maturity with theirs well. I have no bother with people's perceptions, the hanging out with friends, meeting parents thing was awkward but not too bad for me. I couldn't a give a rats arse what older women think anyway, no guy I've ever met did anything other than pat me on the back when they saw I could easily get the youngest and hottest women, it's mainly older women who see it as wrong and people's opinions of it are irrelevant to me.
Frankly they insult the woman involved, try to make her sound too delicate and stupid to date or have sex with an older man, simply due to age.
My fiancée even at 19 thought people who saw her as some kind of idiot victim of an older man as assholes. She always said as soon as she hit the age of consent it is her fundamental right to give that consent to anyone she pleases who is also legal.
To presume she wasn't capable of handling a relationship is to not know who she was as a young woman or in fact the type of man that I am.
It's as risky as any other age but has it's own unique forms of obstacles that you'll have to deal with. There is still a stigma to it.
OP get to know her and judge her on her own personal merits, not some shitty old fashioned stereotype. If they think it's wrong then they can change the law, until then don't judge girls who are legal solely on their age or you just patronize and insult a person who is apparently too dumb for an adult relationship yet can star in porn, start up their own business, vote, legally represent themselves in a murder trial etc. Yet they're too stupid to date a grown man who's older?
I don't know what kind of prissy, innocent people they think their daughters are, but you and I both know when it comes to sex and relationships there are very few "innocent" 18 year olds in the world.
Judge each person on their individual merit, so get to know this girl and see what happens, you may work really well or may end up just wanting casual fun or she may not even be interested. Better to see than to look back and wonder.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): I don't see how 2 years can change anything in this situation.I remember myself at 18. All I wanted to do is to have fun. Yes, I went to college, like all my friends, but we partied like there is no tomorrow. Tomorrow actually came very fast. At 23 I kind of cooled down a little to party every day. And at 25 I went out only couple times a week, and not wild paries, sometimes even happy hours after work. At 27 I met my future husband, and 2 years later I was married with a little baby. My husband was 30. This is how it goes nowadays. No one gets married early anymore, it's more late twenties, early or even mid thirties for guys. She can't possibly be interested in dating someone and have ,relationship, knowing she won't be married for another 10 years. If you were talking about age difference later in life, like she is 28 and you are 40, that's a different story, but now she needs some growing up to do.
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 Hard to say. When I was 18, I dated a guy who was 28. It didn't work out for reasons that probably don't concern you (he was a druggie).I'm not going to answer if it's right or wrong for you to date her because it's a "different strokes for different folks" kind of thing. I'll leave you with these things to ponder, though:1) You're physically attracted to this girl, right? A lot of the time when we are physically attracted to people we view the other characteristics of that person as far more intriguing and admirable than we would if we weren't attracted to that person. Looking at a hot 18 year old (or having sex with one) is way different than dating one.2) There's a bit of science related to age and dating. Basically, it's been found that relationships are most likely to last when the two involved are in the same age cohort, which has a span of six years. The further from six years difference, the less you two will have in common as far as interests, knowledge, awareness, and experience are concerned.3) She's just out of high school. You're almost middle aged (35 is considered middle aged here in the US). She's just getting familiar with the world and getting comfortable being her own person. You're at an age where you ought to be pretty confident in where you're headed. For this reason, what your lives are about will be very different for the next several years.12 years difference in age may not be that significant when both people in the coupling are, say, 24+, but it's worth repeating that this girl is fresh out of high school!!!4) She could act older than 18. I was told the same thing at that age. But it became clear to me very quickly that, while perhaps I really did act older than I was, my boyfriend also acted way less mature than his age. Be careful that you're not one of those types of guys.In any case, this girl will probably be flattered that you're into her. I know that I was. You're going to do what you want to do, all I ask is that you please be responsible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Age doesn't matter to most girls. If she likes older men and you get along maybe just ask her for a coffee sometime and see how it goes. If she declines then just take it in your stride and carry on as you were. Good luck.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2013):
 When my husband turned 18 I was 31. I did not know him then but I’m just saying this so you know it’s not RARE to have a big gap and have it work.
You like her, she likes you, she’s over 18 so can’t see any harm in the two of you figuring out if it’s going to work.
If you wait till she’s 20 you may lose your chance as she may no longer see you as dating material. Bit the bullet and go for it now.
Just remember that what she wants at 18 is not going to be what she wants at 21 or 25 or 30. So while she may be all you want, and for now you may be all she wants, later on it could easily change.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): She's only dated older guys...well, she's 18 ...and how many older guys could she have possibly dated in the past few years? Maybe a senior when she was a sophmore or freshman? Did she go to prom with a freshman in college? Yikes, this girl is just out of high school...and her brain has yet to develop fully and she does not see things as clearly as you should at age 30. I would hope at your age you would be at a very different place in your life then an 18 year old. Having conversations with someone is one thing, but this girl would be at the age of partying it up, having the teenage time of her life, beginning to figure out what she wants to do out in that adult world, where she wants to go, beginning to have future goals, perhaps beginning to have more independence and responsibilities, etc....and then there is you who should be well past all of that.The noble and adult thing to do here is allow this girl to have her young adult life and enjoy it with people in her own age bracket. You are borderline almost old enough to be her father...that alone is a bit creepy. If my 18 year old daughter told me a 30 year old was interested in her, I would be having one hell of a conversation with that man and would want to know why he wasn't seeking women his own age who probably have their careers established, ready to settle down, perhaps own or at a point of buying a home, etc. I could hardly hold my daughter responsible because I know she doesn't have the sense yet to realize how out of wack it was and in the long run what the outcome would be.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 12 years isnt a huge age gap, but the issue is her current age of 18 years old. Aged 18 she is going to be in a very different stage of life to you, and while she might act mature she certainly wont have the life experience you have nor will she be capable of a long term committed relationship at her age.
I think the line she told you about only dating older guys is clearly nonsense if she hasnt ever dated anyone over the age of 24, she was just trying to impress you which smacks of immaturity.
You have to think about what you want from this girl, and what you are willing to risk. Do you want a long term relationship? Are you looking to settle down? Or would you be happy having fun with a girl and seeing what happens?
Think back to when you were 18, and how much you changed between the ages of 18 and 25. I'm sure you changed massively in that time, so you have to be realistic and expect that she will change a lot too. Waiting until she is 20 isnt long enough, she needs to have finished school/college/university, and have settled into a long term career before you can safely date her with a long term view.
At the moment she will still be studying, she wont have decided on where she wants her life to go, she probably doesnt know exactly what career she wants to do or where she wants to live in the future...at 18 the world is your oyster, you have no ties and she can do what she wants. Even a boyfriend wont be a big enough of a committment when she finishes studying, if she gets a good opportunity she will just up and leave.
So if you date her now and want something long term with her, you have to be prepared that she may just up and leave at any time, that her life may change massively and you may not be part of those plans....there are so many variables at her age you simply cannot be certain of anything.
So if you are ok with this, then by all means go ahead and date her. But if you are looking for someone more settled to have a long term future with, an 18 year old is not that person. Nor is a 20 year old. I'd say 23 should be your cut off for the age of a potential girlfriend if you want to get serious with someone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Why would you a grown man have any interest in a teenager? At this age she just starting her life. You are done with lots of things: college, partying till morning and having non stop casual sex. There are certain stages of life that people go through, you did yours, she still has it inner future.
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