A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband sleeps in the recliner instead of commingle to bed. Plus he watches porn and downloads videos and pictures. I think his addiction is giving me no desire for him I just have sex to do it. I don't get orgasm and some reason I'm detached from him sexually Its like my vaginias always wet but I don't get anything out of sex anymore. I hate it now bit as a wifely duty I do it so he canget a nut plus he watches damn porn when were having sex. What the hells is happening tome I'm 41?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 April 2013):
 The short answer is that it sounds like you feel unappreciated and that you feel you aren't attractive enough to him and therefore that turns you off. You probably wonder if he is making love to the porn stars in his mind rather than you. The fact that your husband is probably addicted to pornography also turns you off.
It sounds like you need to rekindle the magic in what is left in your marriage. Have you considered seeking out therapy -- even for yourself? Reading between the lines, I sense sadness, resignation and depression and that you are unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps a counselor can give you a better perspective on how to improve your self-esteem.
There are a few things you can try:
1) Seduce him. Even if you have to force yourself to do so. By making yourself desirable, he may respond in kind. That means a romantic dinner, wearing something nice and charming him.
2) Be receptive to sex. Many men look at pornography because their wives consistently turn them down. Is that you? Eventually the pornography becomes a habit; men feel like they need to take care of themselves rather than bothering you or being rejected. Believe me, he probably senses you are going through the motions as well and there may be a part of him that wants to rekindle whatever spark you have left.
3) Consider going on vacation. Sometimes having sex in a new spot -- without a dvd player playing pornography can lead you back to one another. Also, it will force him to sleep in the same bed as you.
4) You may want to consider reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "Woman Power" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. They could make a difference for you. They are fairly easy to find, easy to read and affordable.
The core of the problem here is a lack of intimacy. Sometimes is clearly out of sync and both of you are missing what should be very enjoyable sexual experiences with one another. Don't cheat yourself and take some sort of action.
It won't be easy and the recovery may not be immediate -- after all you didn't get to this state overnight. But if both of you recognize that something is wrong, you can work on making it right.
Eddie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): How long have you two been together? If you’ve been married / together for 20+ years, then it may be that sex has become routine. At some point the novelty wears off and men start to crave some variety. I’m not saying different partners, but at least different moves and activities.My experience in a relationship of 20+ years – our sex life is worse than yours. My wife is pretty limited in what works sexually for her – basically straight missionary intercourse. When I was put on medication that gave me ED, that eliminated pretty much the only thing that worked for her. I’d be thrilled to do other things for her, but she’s not willing. The ED isn’t total – I can be functional with enough mental stimulation. I could be functional if we could change things up a bit.Could something like that be going on in your marriage? Are you two in a deep sexual rut, where lack of variety is killing desire? Does he have performance problems that lead to him looking for extremes of stimulation? Most importantly, can you talk about it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): The fact that I was watching porn during sex is not that unusual. I prefer them not to do it, but I guess after so many years in marriage they need some extra stimulation.
You get turned on, but not with him. Unfortunately it happens with married couple. Did you talk to him about it?
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