A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 years old, and I've been dating my boyfriend (let's call him O) for around 6 months, and its properly serious. I've only had one serious relationship before this one (let's call him L), here we were friends before we started dating. It ended about two years ago now, but recently, pretty much out of the blue, I've become friends with him again. It was great, it felt like the good old days, before we started dating, when we were just mates. It wasn't affecting my relationship with O, which was still awesome, he knew about him and was fine with it. L even got with my best mate a couple of times, which I found okay after a while, we're now all friends.Yesterday I went to a house party, the birthday of a mate from back in the days when me and L were together. O wasn't there, he was on holiday. It was a good party, crazy amount of alcohol etc, and I got wasted, did some stupid stuff with some other male friends, which I regret, but it's not enough for me to feel I have to tell O, since they were entirely alcohol-fuelled and didn't mean anything. However, at the end of the night, a few of us were sitting around on sofas watching a film and falling asleep. I was freezing cold and I sat down next to L and we ended up under a blanket, him rubbing my arms to keep me warm, me snuggled up in his arms, laying on his chest with my arms wrapped around him. We stayed like that, stroking each other gently, and fell asleep like that. There was no kissing or anything. Noone commented, noone seemed to find it inappropriate. The next morning he left with a hug, everything was fine and normal. SO why did it feel so right, there in L's arms? Why do I feel like I'm falling for him? The more I think about, we're more perfect for each other than we ever were before, and he suits me better than O does in so many ways. I really care about O, but now I'm feeling these horrible niggles like I might not want to be with him any more. I'm seeing all his faults, everything that L is better at. O's been away for a week though, that might have something to do with it. He really loves me, and I have no idea what L feels about anything, and I don't know what or who I want anymore. It's horrible and I don't know what to do. I'm next seeing O in a couple of days, I have no clue what to say to him if anything at all. I don't want to wreck a good thing over nothing.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Why did it feel right in L's arms?
Because you were drunk, and cuddling with someone feels good. Add to that a past connection and you have a recipe for what you felt.
Why do you feel like you're falling for him?
Lust hormones. You're experiencing a case of "the grass is greener." I hope you're familiar with that phrase.
Honestly though, whatever those drunken slip ups you don't feel are worth telling him about were, they were not a good sign. What it shows is that you have very little respect for O. So does your behavior with L. Since you don't respect your boyfriend, it's probably best if you end things with him, or set your priorities straight. Right now, he's not your priority. That's not a good thing in a relationship.
I doubt L wants to get back together, but even if he does, another try will likely end the same as it did in the past. That's the thing about exes. You forget all the bad stuff after a while, and then you just think about that strong connection. Then you get back with them only to remember why you split up in the first place.
What you did could be classed as cheating depending on who you talk to. YOu know this, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself. Think about how O will react when he finds out. Well, I guess you won't have to think about it, because it will happen when you tell him. And you HAVE to tell him. If you don't, someone else will, and it will be even worse for you.
A
female
reader, funkymonkey123 +, writes (4 March 2011):
your feeling over L were most likely due to familiarisation with him and the good relationship you had with him. however, if your having strong feelings over L which will start to affect your relationship with O and you start to loose feelings over him it may be best to end things with O
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