A
female
age
36-40,
*gyzee
writes:Dear cupid,my heart is torn in two and I sincerely don't know what to do.I'm 28 years old and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7years now(I've been totally faithful to him) along the line he cheated twice but I forgave him, and we've moved on,from my own perspective I haven't found him wanting since then(although I dnt know if he's still cheating behind my back). Now the problem is that, I've deeply fallen in love with another guy, we've been friends since 2011 and he's been begging for my hand in marriage(not just for a relationship), he's fully aware I'm dating somebody else but he still insists, since 2011 till date, this guy has been on my case. And now I'm deeply fallen for him and everything about him. Dear friends, I hv never been in such dilemma before, its all new to me. Pls what do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): As suggested in my previous response to your post, I recommend that you end your present relationship. Then you should take some time-off as a single independent-woman and sort-out your feelings. It's never a good idea to jump from one relationship to the next. You have to have a clear head in order to make wise decisions. Regarding the other gentleman; I think you should take that slow. You don't just shutoff your feelings from a seven-year relationship like a faucet. You still might feel confused, he will plead and hassle you, and you will second-guess yourself.
I also suggested you have a courtship with the other fellow.
That means date, get to know him as a man and as an individual. Keep the marriage proposal on-hold, it may have only been an enticement. Impulsiv-behavior always leads to regret. Think things out, take your time, introspect, and make sure you both have an open-line of communication.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Ngyzee +, writes (1 October 2014):
Ngyzee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again my wonderful friends for your avice. I have always loved and appreciated my boyfriend, I forgave him because of his constant pleas, including the pleas of his friends and family, and the fact that we've been dating for 7 long years, everybody knew us as a perfect pair. Secondly, my boyfriend is always talking of our future, n I've met his family as well, he's a brilliant civil engineer although he doesn't have money, so he's been looking for a new job. On the other hand, this other guy is financially stable, he's a mechanical engineer and very brilliant too and he's 30yrs old (5yrs younger than my bf), he's a very wonderful person, and has always assisted me financially and morally even without me asking, although I don't know everything about him, since we only hang out once in a while as good friends. So i still need ur advices, pls keep them coming. Thank u so much.
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A
female
reader, Ngyzee +, writes (30 September 2014):
Ngyzee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAidan and Wiseowl, you guys are just so amazing. I sincerely appreciate your advice. Presently, I live with my boyfriend, perhaps I'll just take a break and move back to my place to sort out myself. Thank u so much guys.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 The "seven year itch" it was a movie(pretty good one too) you have a dilema young lady. You need to defcie which of the two men will treat you like you want to be treated and which one has more of your heart. It wouldn't hurt to evaluate their finances too. why pick poor over rich?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (30 September 2014):
Only you can answer that. Are you staying with your current boyfriend because you love him? Or are you just comfortable and scared of the risk if you leave him for this other man? Being comfortable, or having some sense of loyalty or duty, are not good reasons to stay with somebody. Not leaving because you feel guilty also isn’t a reason to stay. You have said that your boyfriend cheated in the past and you are worried he still is. Do you think the other guy is more trustworthy?
You need to think about why you’re thinking of staying, and what you stand to gain, or lose, if you leave. Quite simply, you have to first decide who you actually want, then you can work out if it’s going to happen. My only other advice, if you leave for this new man, is take your time, date him slowly and get to know him. No relationship should skip that stage.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): My dear, you've committed seven years of your life to a relationship with a man who has apparently no intention of moving the relationship to another level. He has twice ventured outside of your relationship(that you know of); and you found it within yourself to forgive him and remained very faithful and devoted. What is your reward for such love and devotion? Do you want to a husband and children?
Before you do anything, you must carefully decide if you're just frustrated with your boyfriend; or tempted by a marriage proposal? Are the feelings between you and the other man authentic? Are you absolutely sure he isn't just enticing you to have sex by making you an offer you can't refuse?
Have you been waiting for a marriage proposal from your current boyfriend? Seven long years? Yet you are suspicious he still cheats. What makes you so loyal to him?
I think maybe you should consider ending something "uncertain," and pursuing something "more certain."
Just don't go chasing a man, because he proposed to you. You must be sure that the love between you is real; not just a fantasy romance, or a way to escape from your present relationship. Which by the way, has to be ended first. You can't pursue marriage to another man, until your feelings for the one you have are completely severed. You have to say "I do"... you can't say "maybe" at the alter; because you still have lingering feelings for another guy.
Take it a step at a time. End your present relationship.
Wait and see how you feel and go through the necessary detachment process from your present commitment. Sort through your feelings to be sure feelings for him will not hinder you from moving on.
In all honesty, it may not take that long if he's a certified cheater. Allow yourself time to have a proper courtship with the other man. Marriage is not something you do on an impulse or out of desperation. It is something that takes serious and deliberate consideration. Don't say "yes" to the first guy who asks. If you are really in-love, you must do everything necessary to be sure you get all possible obstacles out of your way. Starting with your boyfriend!
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Try things with the new guy. Your boyfriend sounds like a nasty guy who can not be trusted!
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