A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been talking to a guy I met online who lives across the country. We talk everyday for 2 years but we haven't met yet. We've talked on the phone and cammed before and sent each other a lot of pictures. I really like him even though I think he can be insensitive at times and critical. Now he really really wants to meet very soon given the length of time we've been talking. Well I want to meet him too but I am very shy because it would mean traveling a long distance to see him or him come over here. I worry that there will be disappointment in one another for any reason. Now what makes it more difficult is that I have gained weight in areas I don't like the past 6 months because I have been very depressed after some sad events in my life. I want to lose the weight before I see him but he keeps pressuring to see me as soon as possible. I don't know what other excuses I can give him to not see him yet. To add to this I am a jealous person because in his line of work he has a lot of female clients and works with an all female office staff so at this point I feel very insecure about myself. What do I do? Should I make him wait for me? Im too embarassed to tell him about my weight gain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): There are too many other uncertainties aside from your weight gain. The guy has been insensitive and critical you say? Isn't that a red-flag?
You have insecurities about his professional affiliations with women and female co-workers. I think this is a disaster waiting to happen, regardless of your weight.
I think there are more important things to worry about than your appearance. He knows a person changes over the course of two years! If he doesn't like what he sees, then add just another red-flag.
You've hidden yourself behind digital and smart devices so long, you don't want to end your fantasy relationship. It is now time to bring it into reality. You deserve something real. Being mostly an online romance, expect the atmosphere and chemistry between you to change anyway. You'll be meeting in-person for the first time. All up-close and personal. Trust me, he is as nervous as you are.
This is the moment of truth. He must like you for who you are "now." You can always lose weight. You have to keep honesty in a relationship. Send him a new picture and wait for his reaction. His opinion does not cover all male opinion about you. He will have imperfections too.
You will have to deal with your insecurities about his other female associates and clients. You should not have to deal with insensitivity or disrespect. That should be a deal-breaker. It's not just about him liking what he sees.
Maybe you will not like everything you see. Goes both ways.
Be honest up-front and save him a trip, if all he cares about is how you look.
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