A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how complicated this is but I know it's wrong. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we always have an amazing time together. But before I met him I was falling for another boy who I used to always see round school, I realised it wasnt going to happen so I gave my current boyfriend a chance. I soon found that my boyfriend and this boy I always saw in the hallway were best friends, and they still are best friends. Let's call my boyfriend D and this other boy A. I get on so well with A, we have so much in common and if i'm ever left alone with him I feel something between us and I just can't believe he doesnt feel the same way. It's been a couple of years, we've all left school and when I see A, I can't help thinking 'we really could have been great'. Please help me out with this one because I just can't get A out of my head. Any advice would be deeply appreciated! X
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): I'd be careful with the idea of trying to take a break from D, and still say you're in a relationship with him, and while on this 'break' start seeing A to see how it goes. If D finds out, he'll feel like he's just the second-string guy, the backup plan if the *real* guy you want - HIS BEST FRIEND - doesn't work out. Think he'll like that feeling? I don't. He'll dump Both of you. And if you do resume this relationship with D, will he feel like he can trust you again? Maybe you'll change your mind and "take a break" again...can he ever be certain?..You want to find out about you and A, you do the right thing: break off with D, explain why, and then start with A. One, it respects D by being up-front about it. Two, it gives D a heads-up that you'll be seeing A, so D can make arrangements to be elsewhere if he feels the need for it - he doesn't get you and A sprung on him by suprise.Golden Rule, folks: how would you like to be treated if the roles were reversed?
A
female
reader, cathyeglington +, writes (1 September 2008):
 hey.its seems like youu have had feeling for 'A' for somtimes now.its think your best bet is to have a break with 'D' not end the relationship. just have a break from seeing each other.and spend some time with 'A'. andf if you feel more strongly with 'A' than 'D' theres theres somthing wrong.your either missing the 'spark' with 'D' or you just feel more strongly with 'A'.and if you do feel more happy with 'A' then i think its time to break the line with 'D' becuase even though you have mixed feelings.it is not fair on 'D'. [stringing him along]tyhen maybe in time somthing MAY happen between you and 'A'.but if not you will have to cvome to turms with it..hope that helps you.cathy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Tell your boyfriend how you feel about A, and talk it over with him; reach an agreement as a couple on how to interact with A, then *stick to it*. That'll be the hard part, knowing how you feel about him.There will be other men in your long life who make you feel the same way as A (and D); otherwise, we'd all be out of luck if our current partnership didn't work out and we were single again. The trick is to recognize attractions to other people for what they are, and Not act on them, and do our best to deflect thoughts of them by instead thinking of our current, wonderful partner, and how much we have to lose :-).
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A
male
reader, bg  +, writes (1 September 2008):
Its rough, life is full of regrets. However, you need to ask yourself "would leaving in for a chance with A really be worth it?" You sound pretty happy with what you have now, if it were me, I'd focus on what is instead of what could have been.Human beings are not puzzle pieces, we're mobile, flexible, dynamic. Seek out the traits you desire in the parter you have now, and remember that lots of people have no one at all, let alone someone amazing.
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