A
female
age
30-35,
*minlemons
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and I love him to pieces. Recently, I met this other guy at my job and we've been talking a lot. I'm starting to have strong feelings for him. Its the best/horrible feeling in the world. No way would I ever cheat on my boyfriend. But its just the fact I have these feelings for the other guy. He has strong feelings for me too and I'm not sure what to do.I'm going to hurt someone one way or another because I can't be with two people at once. I'm confused and hurt and not quite sure what to do. I can't help the strong feelings I have for him. Its uncontrollable. What would you do in my shoes?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): I have been in this exact situation, but I'd been in a relationship for 4 years when I met a guy at work I fell for. We both cheated on our partners, and I have to say it's my biggest regret. I thought he could make me happy, but it turns out he was just an escape from the problems in my relationship. I got more hurt using him as a emotional crutch when I broke up with my boyfriend that I would have just from breaking up with my boyfriend. I advise you not to cheat, but if you think your feelings for this guy are strong enough to make you want to break up with your boyfriend, do so and TAKE IT SLOW with the new guy. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, take some time away from the new guy, try to calm yourself and examine what's lacking from your reationship to make you feel this way towards someone else.
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Summary:
Remove the drama, assess, and control.
Explanation:
You are young and you want to be with more than one guy. That is natural and makes sense. Many girls feel that way.
Still part of the emotional connection you are experiencing is your desire to be free. This guy at work is more likely just a representation of a bigger issue at play: your sexual freedom.
IF I were a nice person, I would cool it with this guy at work, but I'd also start to think if my priorities were right. Then I'd make some tough decisions.
Or if you simply cannot control it, then have sex with the guy at work and then dump your boyfriend a couple weeks later. Everyone will have lots of respect for you.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (23 November 2009):
 You may not be able to help the attraction you are feeling but you can take charge of your actions. You say that no way would you cheat on your boyfriend... well yes you would cheat if you allow this situation to continue.
If you value yourself and respect your bf then you withdraw immediately from the situation with the OM. If you don't you will soon be one of the women on here saying, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Even if you believe that statement you can still control your actions. And you are still at the point where you can turn back and protect everyone from the harm of infidelity.
Integrity and faithfulness demand that you DO WHATEVER it takes to save your character. Withdraw from the OM completely and deal with your existing relationship respectfully. Tell your BF you're having feelings of attraction for someone else... yeah you might hurt him and you might lose him or together you might figure out what is missing in your relationship and fix it! If you lose him well then you are free... and your self-respect is intact.
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