A
female
age
30-35,
*ust_a_girl_28
writes:okay, Dilemma.I have a boyfriend, a past guy hurt me and now he is trying to come back into my life.the story:I moved schools and met a really nice guy (he had a gf). So at first it was really nothing, at least to me it was just a friendship. Slowly he led me on, making me fall for him. After maybe a month into talking we started kissing (him still having a girl). We talked for almost like 5 months. Until one day out of no where I guess he decided to tell his gf about us, well at least not the complete truth. He told her that I was the one trying to have something with him and that we had never done anything. to make a long story short, I ended up confronting them both and he lied to my face, he really hurt me. But although he did do this I really do still think he is a nice guy. Yes, of course I still have anger towards him but I don't know, it's confusing. everyone makes mistakes?Now, he called me about 4 days ago all of a sudden. It was really awkward at first. After talking to each other for a bit, we hung up. He ended up calling 6 more times after that the same day. He then called the Next morning really trying to get a friendship with me again. Now it does seem like it's just a friend thing, telling me he has changed and wont cheat on her again ( he is still with the same gf) and we JUST got of the phone after talking to each other for TWO hours.Now, my problem is I have a boyfriend but I really do think that i might still have feelings for this guy. and to make things worst, my boyfriend absolutely hates this guy and knows about our past with eachother.my question: what do I do.?do I keep talking to this guy or stop?(I really don't know how I would stop talking to him since I did miss him when we stopped talking and I still like him)but would that be the best thing for me to do to save my relationship?and how do I do it if so?
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female
reader, advicegem +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Okay... you may not like this answer, but I think you should be honest with yourself so that you don't get stuck in a relationship you will regret.
Do you keep talking to this guy? I would suggest no. If you have feelings for him, you will only get hurt again. Also, if he is still with the same girlfriend, has he told her that you two are talking again? My guess would be no again, and that she won't be too happy when she hears about it. If you can get over your romantic feelings for him and are willing to tell him so if he starts leading you on, then you may be able to keep a friendly relationship with him... but I still think when his girlfriend finds out, she won't care what kind of raltionship you have with him... and as current girlfirend, she will win again and you will be hurt again.
Part 2: You need to evaluate your current relationship. The fact that you are having any kind of romantic feelings towards another guy while in a relationship, suggests that you are not entirely comitted to your current boyfriend. I may be wrong here, but if you have real feelings for him, then you need to cut this other guy off. If you are going to continue talking to the old guy, you need to be up front with your new guy about it, including the full story of your past "relationship".
Hopefully I've given the advice in a way that you can think about which guy means more to you (yes you have to choose one), and whether you are willing to risk getting hurt again (better to have loved and lost..?) but if you were a friend of mine, I would say it has to be one or the other, or neither... you can't have both.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Why get involved with a cheater in the first place and then let that cheater ruin a new relationship? You know the answer.
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