A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Cupids I need help!OK so about a month ago I got a random email from a man who claimed to have known me in the past, telling me that he 'had to get off his chest' that he really fancied me and was crazy about me and that even YEARS later since we last supposedly had any contact he still thought about me a lot.I thought it was either spam or just some chancer but it turned out he knew quite a bit of info about me, like my boyfriend's name and normal stuff you'd tell people you're friends with or your work colleagues, so it must have been genuine.I messaged back asking who he was but he just wouldn't say. He said from the off that the name in his email address was fake to protect his identity so I couldn't work anything out from that. But he just wanted to tell me that he thought I was an amazing person, smart, beautiful, funny etc and that he hoped I would live a happy life. He told me because he apparently knew we could never be together and just wanted to finally tell me how he felt before getting closure on the whole thing (???) and I just left it at that. No word of a lie though, I've been spending weeks trying to work out who it is. I've sprawled through my Facebook friends, my Insta and singled a few men out whom it could possibly be, but I just don't know for sure. I've even come to the conclusion that he might be either married or in a relationship because he wouldn't tell me his name. The thing is, I don't even know why I care this much. I have a boyfriend and have been with him nearly 10 years and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else!I did tell my boyfriend about it and he just told me to forget about it but I can't. I'm genuinely intrigued to know who it is. No word of a lie I laid awake the other night thinking about it. But like I said it's been weeks, why does it still bother me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2020): This doesn't require my typical lengthy response. The previous responses are more than adequate. This is how unsuspecting women are lured into traps set by stalkers, rapists, or serial-killers.
BLOCK HIM AND CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS!
If he was legit, why would he have to be so damned shadowy and creepy??? Secret-admirers are for junior high-school girls, not grown-women! Your fascination is misplaced!!!
The compliments are nothing but bait. He's massaging your ego; while testing your vanity and gullibility.
You have a boyfriend, you shouldn't even be entertaining the flirtations of another man, someone you haven't seen, and could be potentially dangerous! You're over 25, and experienced enough to know better! You have the naivete of a child...even they know better in times like these!
STRANGER DANGER!!!
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (24 November 2020):
 You are feeling flattered and so would I but I advice to stop talking to him completely because this screams STALKER!! to me and you are feeding his obsession by talking to him( he feels like he's getting bits of you whenever you respond!!) BE CAREFUL AND DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS BEHAVIOUR!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): From the sound of this I don't think his intentions were ever harmful and he might just be unloading some bottled up feelings but he's gone about it the wrong way. Using a fake email address is just weird and you're right he probably does have a significant other because he won't tell you his name. You're boyfriend is right just ignore it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (23 November 2020):
 I would be more creeped out than intrigued or fascinated. This is weird and even stalkerish behavior. I agree with Honeypie, check your social media and tighten things up. You really don't know who this is or what their intentions are. I think you'd be best to stop the fairy tale dream like state you are in and look at reality. This guy could be up to no good. Its just too weird.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 November 2020):
 I feel this is a really strange thing to do, and rather creepy if i'm honest.
The fact he is hiding his identity, using a fake email address say's to me that this is a scam. Like he has just found someone at random, collated as much information as he can, then is trying to reel you in.
If he has known you in the past, whats wrong with just sending a legit email, or call, just asking how your doing, and letting you know he used to like you, why remain anonymous. Sorry OP i smell a rat here.
My advice would be to forget him, don't respond to anymore messages, block him on everything, and change your social media settings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2020): This is one extremely bored man. This has been a year full of stress and anxiety for a lot of people, but it's also been very very boring! So my guess is that this guy has been stuck at home with his wife or girlfriend, maybe no longer able to go out to the office, maybe made redundant, the pair of them missing their own independent lives outside the house, not able to see friends, getting on each other's nerves, same old, same old every day... And he's gone looking for something, anything, to liven things up. This tactic means he gets to chat to someone different, but there's nothing at risk because you don't know who he is. He gets to play Mr Mysterious and get the dopamine hit of a new name popping up in his inbox, and it won't have any effect on his life. This is all about him, make no mistake of that. This is the kind of thing teenagers find romantic, but adults should have the sense to take a more critical look. I wouldn't give him another thought. Besides, if he really is someone you knew years ago, clearly he didn't make much of an impression on you, otherwise you'd be all "Oooh, I hope it's THAT guy!"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 November 2020):
 I can see how this is a NICE stroke to your ego, but this really isn't about you, it's about the sender.
WHAT was the point in telling you all this? "to get it off HIS chest" supposedly. Because what? Because it would make HIM feel better.
While it's all lovely and high praise of you... this guy REALLY doesn't know you. He knows what he could glean from social media and perhaps friends of friends (unless this was actually your BF who wanted to see how you would react).
In reality, he is a selfish guy. All this praise is pointless! He isn't going to act on it, he might not even be someone you would actually have anything to do with.
He KNOWS that nothing could come of it. Or so he said. SO WHY the F tell you?
It's not because he has OH so much respect for your relationship OR you.
Take it as a compliment, albeit a BIT of a creepy one. Because if you don't know him that well or he is a blast from the past he CERTAINLY stalked your social media enough to know a lot of details. Sorry, but I don't find that a good thing. That would make ME tighten UP who can view your social media and just how much personal stuff you put out there.
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