A
female
age
36-40,
*17
writes:Hello. I have been in a relationship with a man for two months. He is a really lovely person. However, I am struggling in the relationship. I have complex post traumatic stress disorder due to things which happened during my childhood and teenage years. Due to this, I really struggle with physical intimacy. There are times when my partner will be kissing me and starting to come on strong, and I panic and push him away. I suddenly fear I am going to be raped. Or I will dissociate and lose touch with reality. I have told him I struggle with these things, and he is being very understanding about it. But I am wondering if I am able to even be in a relationship at the moment. I end up upsetting him, and hating myself. Rather than enjoying the relationship, I am finding it extremely stressful, and I have started to self-harm, something I have not done in years. I would just appreciate any advice as to whether to try and continue in this relationship, or walk away now before I end up hurting him even more. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2020): If being in a relationship causes you stress and anxiety, I don't believe you're ready for a relationship. Casual-dating and seeking companionship is less stressful and demanding. You've committed to someone, and you're expecting superhuman-patience with your very serious disabilities. You cause him some emotional-distress when your sudden reaction to his affection or caresses is as if you're being sexually-assaulted!
He isn't going to be able to handle this indefinitely; and trying to hold-on to the relationship is going to cause you despair, or even more anxiety. For your sake he has to pretend he's okay; but he is also afraid of what your emotional-response would be, if he felt he could no longer deal with all of this.
I suggest you seek a professional-opinion and explain what you're going through. From your description of things, even a laymen can tell you're not ready. Even you are cognizant of the fact your behavior is not the proper response to normal intimacy and affection.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 November 2020):
 If the relationship has you stressed to a point where you haver started to self-harm, I think you need to end it and make your FOCUS getting help and healthy.
He can't fix this for you and if he is NOT letting YOU take the lead in physical intimacy, then he isn't good for you at all. Because most survivors of sexual assault/abuse/ assault need to FEEL in control in those moments.
2 months in not very long. I would wish him well, and just work on YOU. Find a counselor who SPECIALIZE in the kind of PTSD you are suffering.
This isn't his fault, nor yours but you don't sound ready at all. |And that is OK.
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