A
female
age
36-40,
*8jane
writes:Ok, im 18 and at uni. Ive had a boyfriend for 6 months who is really great but im not sure if I wanna be with him cos I think ive developed feelings for a friend. I met a girl at uni in September and we got along so well. When we had to move she told me that she is gunna miss me so much and that she loves me, but I think she may mean as friends. As time as gone on im more and more convinced that I realy like her more than a friend. I don’t think im a lesbian because im not attracted to other females, but ive never really fancied guys either. When im with my friend we get close because we are such good friends and I have to try so hard to stop myself from kissing her because that’s all I want to do when im with her. I just want to hold her and be with her all the time, I want her to love me. I keep getting hopeful that she does cos shes always texting me and talking online saying that she misses me and loves me but then I have to be realistic and think that she is saying that as a friend.I have kissed her when we are drunk but all my friends were doing it so I don’t know if it was just for a laugh but it meant more to me. We slept in the same bed the other day and I was holding her and kissing her forehead she had her hand under my tshirt stroking my belly. Our faces were touching and I was so close to kissing her but I didn’t, it felt like she wanted to but im not sure…we were drunk so I dunno if that’s why she was behaving like that. I asked her the next day if she enjoyed our cuddle and she said she really did. Its quite a long and complicated story that’s too long to write here so if anyone wants to help after hearing the whole story then please email me but the bottom line is I think I love her, im confused about what she feels and im terrified of losing her as a friend if she finds out and doesn’t feel the same, and I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend…….what can I do??? am i a lesbian?? please help asap!!!xxxxxx
View related questions:
drunk, kissing, lesbian, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (27 August 2007):
 hey babe, that's great.. i wish u all the luck i cud !! and it's great you still have a great friendship with your ex.. mail me if you would like to talk x x x x
A
female
reader, 88jane +, writes (26 August 2007):
88jane is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey, thanx to all for your great advice!! im no longer with my boyfriend--he got weird (probably because he could sense that i had other things on my mind) but im ok with that, we are still friends so thats great!! i know my feelings for my friend now--im not confused anymore im very convinced about them! i have confided in another close friend about my feelings and she has encouraged me that telling my friend is the best thing to do! im really close with her so im sure that if she doesnt feel the same way she will be very cool about it! ive dropped so many hints to her already i think she knows! we are about to move into student accommodation with each other and another friend so hopefully things will be cool! im going to tell her how i feel, although im not sure im brave enough to do it face-to-face so ive written her a letter! i will let you all know how it goes! wish me luck! lol
...............................
A
female
reader, JAG +, writes (25 August 2007):
STOP breath take a deep breath. look if you need to now ask her there is no other way to find out. it may be hard but at the end of it, it may work out. you might end up together or you may still be friends or she may disappear. but at the end of the day you only live once you only have one shot do what feels right. i think you have to as well ask do you want your boyfriend
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Howcomehoney is right on! Don't talk about what MIGHT happen, make happen what you want to happen. Your a girl, so you might find that difficult to understand. You have alot of chemistry with your girlfriend. If you want to kiss her, drunk, in bed cuddling, try doing something else that feels good, and see if she responds.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cyg79  +, writes (14 July 2007):
 Wow, you sound like me to some extent. I can relate. I had really strong feeling for a friend, it was as if we where instant friends. I started having feeling like yours and used the same logic. There where even those brief moments where I thought maybe… but then logic prevailed. Besides, she was the one with the boyfriend. Like you I’m not sure what I would label myself, I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but even still you feel what you feel.
I’m a cautious person and think that waiting to see what happens is best. She just might be a more affectionate person and thats just how she is. If you want to talk at all feel free to e-mail me.
...............................
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Don't try to label yourself at this point, it's not the most important thing. Relationships happen between people, not between body parts.
It sounds as though your friend is attracted to you too. Now you have to make a decision. Cheating on your boyfriend would hurt him a lot - don't rush into it. Do you see a future with your boyfriend, or is it more of a casual thing? You're young, relationships at 18 usually don't last forever, and six months isn't a long time.
Maybe it would be better to leave your boyfriend and see where things go, because to be honest, if you're having strong feelings for anyone else (regardless of gender) then it probably means that the feelings in your current relationship with your boyfriend are dying away. Treat him with respect and try to hurt him as little as possible.
Now, as for your female friend - from what you wrote, I doubt that most straight girls find themselves with so much chemistry. Take things at their own speed and see where it goes. You could find out that things go faster than you imagined.
As opposed to a lot of the posters on here, I'm not a fan of the "tell her how you feel" approach. It probably is the better option in a lot of ways, but everyone has their own personality and I personally don't like doing it... it's up to you. I think things generally tend to happen without discussing them first.
Good luck! Keep us posted!
...............................
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (11 July 2007):
Hi babe, talk to her, i realy think you should ask her, many people will say you should keep quiet, but i think, you need to know inside wether she has the same feelings, i would certainly say you are bi, but im not sure about lesbien, but i suppose i'd need to know more.. I hope i helped.. Mail me if you would like to talk x x x x x
...............................
|
