A
female
age
36-40,
*reamer99
writes:hi there,I have feelings for my best friend.he was a colleague of mine,but we both don't work at that company any more and for two years now we have become best friends..but I i'm totally in love with him!I can't get him out of my head,another problem: I'm in a relationship for five years now!!I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and I dont ever want to lose him.but somehow I have feelings for my best friend and seeing him as just a friend just don't seem to work..I feel so bad about it!!I don't want to lose our friendship(OR my boyfriend),we've been through so much together (my boyfriends also knows him)I don't know what to do,I can't believe that I have these feelings for him for so long,because I'm happy with my boyfriend.I've tried to put all of his bad habits on paper and then trying to lose the feeling,but in a while,or when I see him again the feeling is back!we've kissed a year back and that made me doubt the way he sees me: a a friend or maybe more??I am constantly hoping for us to kiss again..I know it's wrong but I can't help the craving.people told me a lot of times that I should tell him about my feelings but I'm so afraid to lose the friendship if he doesn't feel the same..does anyone has tips for me how to keep the friendship going and get rid of this wrong feeling that feels so good?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Hi,this isnt really an answer,but this is actually happening to me at the moment,my girlfriend of 18 months,has developed feelings for her boss at work,she says because they have so much fun and things like that,and one of the reasons is that all the stuff she talks about at work with him,are things that we've done. I am quite confident that its just the same as 'penta' says,i think its because it's different and new,but she does love me,and i love her more than anything,we've both talked about it for the last week and just constantly cried,now we've agreed to spend nights alone,so she can get her head together and see if she would be alright without me,but i just want to tell her that the reason is because its new and exciting,but i don't want to influence her,but its so hard just not to say 'It's just because its new you love me so you should stay with me',i just dont know what i'll do without her,anyway yeah sorry but i agree with 'penta' and hopefully my girlfriend will realise that this is the reason why!!!
A
female
reader, Sparkles  +, writes (12 April 2007):
I think that you and your boyfriend need to take a break for a few weeks. I also think that you need to take a break from this friend. This will allow you time to re asess your relationship with your partner and your friend. I think that pherhaps you do not love your boyfriend as much as you think that you do, you already have cheated on him and also think that you are in love with someone else. You may just be bored and a break willl allow you to realise what your missing but unless you take this step then you will never know. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Ive had the same problem, stay with your boyfriend, you prolly went through dozens of crushes growing up and after a while what happen to all those crushes?...they went away and you moved on, this is no different its just a childish crush. And chances are if you did get in a relationship with this person and you ever decided that you just want to go back to being friends again it prolly wont happen. Do somthing fun with your current bf try and recapture that feeling that you guys had when you first layed eyes on one another. and as for that friend, get some distance.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 There's a big difference between love and infatuation. Because you don't have an actual relationship with your friend, you're caught in the infatuation stage. Infatuation feels great: your heart flutters and you can hardly catch your breath. But it fades. And you don't always get love to replace it when it does.
You love your boyfriend. You've been with him long enough to know that the love is there. This isn't infatuation, it's the real thing. But love is comfortable, it's not exciting like infatuation (hence the allure), so you have to be careful that you know what you have.
Don't break your boyfriend's heart. Put some distance between you and your friend. Keep it that way until he's completely unavailable (has a girlfriend or wife). You'll be happier.
Your only other alternative is to level with your boyfriend, break up with him, and try this "feeling" out with your friend. (Anything inbetween is dishonest.) But there's no guarantee that love will replace infatuation, and you have a lot to loose.
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