A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, I am having immense feelings of hatred towards women. I am a funny, smart and relaxed (and tall and reasonably good looking!!) guy, but I have ZERO success with women! I HATE how they won't talk to you unless you talk to them. I hate how they look and you and expext YOU to make the first move. I am scared because I know they mean no harm, but I can see myself becoming a serial rapist/murderer if I don't sort this out??? HELP Reply to this Question
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male
reader, martincooper9 +, writes (18 March 2008):
I quite like the chosen answer, about ripping up on weights. I couldn't help but smile, and even to see a grain of truth within the words. However, there are many 'ugly' men who have beautiful girlfriends, whilst I have had them, and lost them with my horrendous personality. I had a horrible upbringing which has ruined my life. As for fitness, I curl with 20kg dumbells and can run ten miles (including long bouts of uphill) in seventy minutes. On a treadmill I can do it in just over an hour. Don't see them queuing up to get to me... The fact is, confidence IS the most important factor to a woman. That and money and power. Look at Peter Sellers and Britt Ekland, Bernie Ecclestone and his latest squeeze, Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Sorry mate, but I am afraid you are wide of the mark. The fact is that SUPERFICIAL women go for muscles. And who wants a long term relationship with superficial women?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): I'm just going to cut through the PC nonsense here. Please understand I am trying to HELP YOU because I have BEEN THERE. My advice may offend some folks out there, but if it helps another man in my previous situation, it was worth it. Anyhow, maybe the problem is you are just not as "good looking" as you claim to be. Women do not approach average guys. Hit the gym, dude, and put on some muscle. Then do some cardio and burn the fat so you can show that muscle. Then sit back and watch the women approach YOU. THAT will give you confidence with women. People say you just need to be "confident"....but seriously...how do you get confidence when all you've had is prior failures?? You need to have something to be confident ABOUT...you can't just pull "confidence" out of your bottom, know what I'm saying? It pisses me off when people give airy-fairy advice that doesn't really help a man get girls. A man needs to hear the painful truth, not some feel-good crap that just gives undesirable men the delusion that they are somehow "attractive." Improve your physique, then you can truely be confident that you really are, in fact, attractive to women, because they LET YOU KNOW IT IN THEIR ACTIONS...just because a women might TELL you that you are "cute" doesn't mean she really means it...they say that to ugly guys all the time-- usually just after saying "let's just be friends" to try and ease the wound to the guy's ego after rejecting him. If you do not get approached by women very often and/or they don't show behaviors that indicate interest, then you are NOT "ATTRACTIVE." Don't cry about it...FIX IT :). I say this as a former average-looking guy who hated women because he wanted their attention and they wouldn't give it to him (and, incidentally, really actually believed he was "attractive" because a few women told so). By hitting the gym HARD and DRAMATICLY improving my appearance, THAT was all it took to break that cycle of constant rejection - hate - depression - even less confidence. I can walk into a club nowadays and get approached within 5 minutes...that NEVER would have happened 2 years ago. Women go out of their way to help me if I need it...2 years ago, they acted like I wasn't even there. Etc, etc....why? Because I was not as "attractive" as I was led to believe. Don't believe the PC, feel-good crap...LOOKS MATTER with women...oh, boy how they matter!! And they are p-i-c-k-y! They can afford to be...attracting a man is easy (too easy, actually) because they are constantly hit up for dates all the damn time. Even hideous girls get more dates than average looking men. Women are in demand. Men are a dime a dozen. You want to attract women? You need to stand out from the crowd. Hit the gym, dude, and eventually you find THEM putting in the work to get YOU. Doesn't matter if you got an ugly face...if you are big and ripped from the neck down, you still will fare much, much better than your twinky, average built counterpart who happens to have a nice personality (and lots of female "friends", if you catch my drift). Don't work on your personality, dude...women SAY beauty is from within, but that is nonsense. Watch their behavior if you want to know the truth. Hit the gym like your love life depends on it - because it does. Put in some SERIOUS dedication to physical fitness and WEIGHT TRAINING...do that for a year and at the end of a full year, women will start rolling in, and the root cause of that hate, pain, extreme frustration and utter hopelessness will be no more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): So odd, it's as if those words came out of my mouth. I suspect anyone who puts down your viewpoint, has never dealt with the extreme frustration of your parituclar situation. I love it when people who have always had love/affection in their life comment on those that are lonely - they have no concept of what they're talking about, and probably couldn't handle a moment of solitude if that fate was placed upon them.
I've always gotten looks from women (daily), but as you said, they never approach. Never! I have come to hate women because of this situation. I feel it is unfair to have all the burden put on me. I make the assumption that if they're interested, they would do more than just look. I've always thought they could at least make an attempt to make it easy for us guys to approach them.
It seems that all I find around me are girls/women already in relationships, married, or divorced with children. I feel as if I have been left out. It seems a great mystery to me as to where all these people are meeting one another.
I wish I had a definitive answer/suggestion for you, but I have been dealing with this exact situation since I was about 18 or so, and I'm 34 now! My only suggestion is, don't turn to violence, for that is no solution either. I have gone down that path, at least in serious thought and via other avenues, and believe me, it does not relieve the pain.
I hope you take some comfort in knowing you are not the only one suffering from this dilemma on a daily/hourly/minutely basis.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Wanna get women?
Just be willing to get shot down an absolutely unlimited number of times and have it just roll off your back. Being brushed off won't make you bleed. It won't send emails to your boss. It won't harm your sperm counts. You've gotta develop some emotional callouses on the issue or you're never gonna get anywhere.
You need to cut away some of the stigma from being rejected. As long as you see approaching women as something to be done only when you're probably gonna "win," then it's gonna hurt too much to lose.
If you play lottery, are you ashamed to admit that you ever bought a ticket that didn't win? Of course not. Well, it's the same with asking a few women out and not getting much luck. Your odds aren't as bad as the lottery (and you can do A LOT more to influence them to your favor), but at least a little of the basic emotional detachment needs to be there.
You can't help but care to some extent when you're rejected, but this is where the much-praised issue of "confidence" starts to actually be worth something. We all have "confidence" when we already know the results; the true test is when you don't. A woman who sees/hears you for 30 seconds doesn't know your heart & soul. Accept a few hits now and then.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 You sound like you are filled with resentment rather than hatred. You resent the fact that dispite being brought up to beleive that men and woman are equal, there is still an expected double standard of the man still having to lead the interaction, and do the appraoch and risk rejection. Been there. My entire work is based on this concept. \
You need to embrace the fact that you are a man, and the onus is on to you lead. Yes, that can be fustrating at times, but it is much better in the long run. Women that do not approach end up only with the best option of who approaches her...men can get the best of who he best appraoches.
Also, there is another double standard taht works in your favor that you haven't acknowledged. As women get older, their value lowers...as men get older, our value is up to us to manifest...becuase men do not have biological clocks.
If you are interested in more, check out my books From Loser to Seducer, Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test, and I'm a Man: That's my job.
You can read upto 50 pages of each book for free in the preveiw.
-Frank B Kermit, Author
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Hi - how are you? What is it that you hate? Maybe your feelings of hate are getting confused. Not unusual - most mens feelings get a little confused - quite normal in fact. Is it the female species you hate? Is it approaching them that you hate? Is it the resulting frustration of not knowing exactly how to do it that you hate? Is it being turned down that you hate? If you can answer that - then it would be easier to give you some further suggestions/advice/opinion etc. Thanks
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Well, if you're so full of hatred towards women...Then i dread how you'd treat one, when on a date with them! You'd probably spill a glass of red wine over them if they didn't meet your 'criteria'. Why don't you just be gay, from the way you're speaking i reckon you'd prefer men???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Anon, do you want me to slap your face? You are resentful that women expect you to act like a man? That is what you are saying. Consider yourself slapped! Now get out there and start taking some initiative! Self-respecting women don't go round trying to coax shy men into a relationship. Grow up!
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A
female
reader, Kept Women  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Being a women myself I know how it feels to give a guy a smile which to me I feel I'm giving him the signal to come over to me if he likes me, when he don't come I just think he's not into me!
Your anger on the other hand may come from some other source!
Women are used to getting hit on and it gets creepy sometimes so if they seem cold at times it's because they don't know you..
You might want to try and over come your fear of being turned down and try talking to these ladies that catch your eye.. Stand next to them if you're in a club and say hello and get them a drink, then walk away and she if she seems to be looking for you and seems to want to know you better.
We do have a wall around us because we have been raped or had to fight men off us!
Some women I'd say most like to flirt and have fun and get to know you!
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): There lies your problem, two of them actually.
First you think of yourself as "Wow, I'm hot", then expect women to just give themselves to you. Your attitude seems to need some adjustment. Second, if you have problems with going up to the type of women you want, then that is merely confidence issues. If you want a woman to go up to you first, maybe you should look for someone out of the normal range of people you're used to.
This is about the individual. Mutual admiration, adoration, and comfort all depends on the person, and how you express to that person.
Your 'immense' hatred for women is really a reflection of yourself - how you hate to initiate contact with those women, and to further that contact into something possibly more meaningful. If you want to stop 'hating' women, first learn to look at yourself and see what's 'wrong' with yourself. When you identify your own issues, the next step is to 'fix' and/or adjust yourself towards a positive demeanor and core.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Well, serial raping/murdering aside...
I am a tall, smart, (or so people tell me) and "good looking," (again, or so people tell me) guy, and I have lots of luck with women. It all comes down to confidence. You just have to remain calm, act nonchalant, act like wherever you are is the place to be, and most women are melted butter in the palm of your hand. Just believe in yourself, and think about all the other people in the world who do this sort of thing every second. Doing that is the only way I passed my driving test, so why the heck couldn't it work for dating?
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