A
female
age
36-40,
*oxcutieye04xox
writes:I had been seeing this guy for a little over 2 years. Back in July he had told me it was over. It ended because during the 2 years I was seeing him, he was engaged then got married, and well yes i was the other woman. Him and his "now former wife" split at the end of last year. He says that he doesnt want to rush into a relationship because he has been married twice and well divorced twice and i guess pretty much afraid to commit in that way anymore; he doesnt depend on - but his former wife was enemies with her family and had no friends - im not her i dont need just him - i want him! Not need. He wants to give it time before he jumps back into another relationship, and wants to be friends and get to know one another then see where it goes. He isn't sure if he wants to marry again or have kids -which i want both. Thing is though there is quite a age difference , he just turned 39 and I just turned 23 .. I can't wait forever. It's just a little hard when I feel for him like I do , Honestly i do not want to be his friend, I hate the terms we are on. I want to be like it was before, what we used to have. I love this guy so much , that feeling of love that everyone talks about well that's him. We do talk , pretty much all the time all day via text messages about everything, we have hung out several times usually once a week or so - dinner dates , or if im having a bad day he will just come over , or pick me up and we can go talk. He does say he still cares very much for me and worries and always will. There is alot of flirty-ness , we have kissed several times and well pretty much messed around but didn't go all the way several times. I hate that when i am with him all my feelings come right back . We both say at some point we think we will be together again. But honestly I am tired of waiting , I waited for him for years - dumb mistake I guess watching him marry and so forth. But I have always been told follow your heart, If you love someone don't let them go .. and I can't. Do I move on or follow my heart ? I am ready to find that "guy" , I'm ready to get serious -I'm not talking about marriage or kids anytime soon but eventually. What do I do !?!?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 October 2009):
 If I were in your shoes, no question. Move on. This guy put you low on his priority list, he liked you enough to sleep with you but not enough to marry you. He didn't even like you enough to NOT get married to the other woman. What you had with him was a good friendship, from his perspective, one where he got to sleep with you but didn't have to make any commitments to you.So now, he's free and he STILL doesn't want to commit to you. He's 39, for eff's sake, how old does he need to be to make up his mind? You are not marriage material, in his mind. If you were, you'd be a couple now, and would have been back then. He may like hanging out with you, but he is not going to marry you. He's been trying to tell you this, so that he can't be accused of lying, but you are not paying attention. We often tell people to pay attention to actions, not words. Here, we have words and actions in congruity. Both are telling you "not now, not then, and probably not ever". I mean, many of the "other women" come on here and ask if he's ever going to leave his wife. It's rare that we hear of the "other woman" actually watching the guy get married.If you are impatient to find your mate, spending any more time on this relationship is just wasted energy and effort. You're going to wake up two years from now and find yourself in essentially the same place. Only he might have found someone new to marry. Sorry, you are experiencing unrequited love. It sucks. But it would be worse if you invest too much in a guy who is not looking for more than friendship and some fun flirting. Time for some brutal examination of the facts, forget your wishful thinking for the time being.Good luck.
A
female
reader, xoxcutieye04xox +, writes (22 October 2009):
xoxcutieye04xox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay ... maybe you got this the wrong way ... he is now divorced and has been for awhile now , she moved out and is on her own ... he ended it with me a few months after there divorce was final ... he is perfectly single as of now ... so what do i do?
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 First all you need to think is he really worth it.
While he had a girlfriend and then married her he had an affair with you.
--How can you trust that he won't do the same to you?
You waited years for him only to have him marry another girl.
--Are you sure he is not just using you knowing he can have a girlfriend/wive and you at the same time? If this is the case he will never marry you.
You are ready to get serious and settle down.
--He does not want that.
My advice is to move on. This guy is not worth the time you spent on him.
Good Luck!
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