A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone,I'm desperately in need of some advice when it comes to relationships. Right now i feel as though i've been cursed in that area or something :(. My first real relationship was 2 yrs ago, with a guy that i had liked for more then 6yrs prior to us getting together.As with most first relationships and love, i was convinced that he was "the one" and when he cheated on me a year later, i was totally destroyed. Before this guy, i was my own person, i felt as though i had my dignity and pride. But after his cheating, i was embarrassed, and ashamed...because the fact remained that i was still in love with him, it drove me crazy to even think of his name...i felt it was wrong to still have feelings for him. After that relationship, i told myself that i couldn't handle being hurt like that again, so although i had liked guys and they liked me back...i just kept it like that.However i now feel so lonely when i see my friends with their boyfriends. Its really ironic, but ever since i've actually wanted to have a relationship again, something always seems to go wrong when i find a guy who i like and who likes me back. At first everything starts out really good...and just when i start to relax and feel a sense of belonging with that person, something goes wrong, we get distant and weird with each other...and i'm left thinking its my fault. I feel as though i have no dignity left...like i'm all alone...and honestly i feel as though im being desperate to find someone now...and i really hate that feeling... :( ..can someone plz help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): You need to rebuild yourself and be the strong, confident woman that is inside of you. As for the jerk who cheated on you, he didn't deserve you and you're better off without him- it's a reflection on his character, certainly not yours. Give yourself time to release the anger and find the closure to move on. (Not all of the guys you meet will be like him.)It's normal to feel lonely when all of your friends have a guy, but take it as a sign to go off and do your own thing for a while- learn another language, take an art or yoga class, travel somewhere new, etc. Once you stop looking for Mr. Right, you will find him instead of Mr. Right Now.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2009):
If you're desperate, and it's showing, men will be terrified and will run a mile. I understand you're probably feeling lonely a bit, but there is no rush. It's better to find the right guy once than the wrong guy twice. So take your time. There will be a guy out there for you. You just need to be yourself, relax, and he'll find you. But stop feeling so desperate,because it will scare men away. Be happy for yourself as you are. He will find you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): I think you said it yourself at the end of your question. "i feel as though im being desperate to find someone now". It's the 'd' word... desperate. I feel you may be coming across as desperate which is putting guys off. Relax and enjoy your life. Don't worry too much about being in a relationship right now. Take time to regain your dignity and your confidence will return. Then when you next meet a guy, he will see a confident young woman, happy with herself and not someone who will depend on him for her happiness. This will make him want more! Good luck and I wish you well for the future.
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