A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, but he has remained friends with his ex-girlfriend, who doesn't like me, throughout our relationship. I have never met her, but can tell she still has feelings for him as he is the one that broke up with her. They dated off and on for probably 5+ years, but she cheated on him with his friend. Even after that he eventually forgave her and have somehow remained on good terms, with her calling him kind of a lot. He likes to keep us separate, and he has told me that before, but she used to tell him his new relationship with me didn't bother her, until one time he brought me along with him when he needed to stop and fix her tire for her. She didn't know I was coming and made us leave once she found out. Is it fair for me to be upset about this friendship? Is it fair for me to be angry that he keeps her around, even after all the pain she has caused him, and the anger she's expressed for me? Because I am definitely upset, but I don't want him to get mad at me for basically telling him I don't want them to be friends anymore..any ideas? Am I over reating?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 The fact that you have never met her and that he likes to keep you two separate is a big RED FLAG for me. He should respect you and the relationship you two have enough to say, hey this is my girlfriend and deal with it. Have you talked to him about how this is making you feel? Don't tell them you don't want them to be friends anymore, just make sure he has a better "friendship" with you than he does with her. The fact that she made you leave when you two showed up to fix her tire? She couldn't call someone else to come fix her tire? Did she do something to it on purpose so she could see him?
(I've done that before.) You two have been together a year. That's gotta count for something. Good Luck!!!
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 November 2010):
 You're treading on thin ice here. In a way you're not overreacting, but in a way you are. Gotta love ambiguous answers huh?
He broke it off. He eventually forgave her but he definitely doesn't want to be with her. If he did, he would be. That is why you're overreacting.
Why you're not is because she's made her dislike of you known. That puts you in an awkward power struggle with your BF in the middle. Not only is this a friend, but also his ex, so there is that added layer of turd on this sandwich.
One thing I can say for sure is that ultimatums don't work. Don't even try the "her or me" thing. What I suggest is embracing her (not literally) no matter how much it may make you want to vomit. Show your confidence in your relationship to both of them. Share with your BF how she makes you feel, but do so in a way that is simply expressing, not accusitory or hurtful. I doubt that she could handle this, and will either make her true intentions known, or disappear.
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