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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: OK. This question is for anyone who has in law problems. I can't stand my in laws!!! They have never been really nice people . I'd love it if we never had to see them again! But that's not an option. Despite the problems with them, my hubby won't just tell them like it is and he wont stand up for me He is throned between us. I'm left having to put up with them when we visit or see them. I can't stand them holding or cooing over my baby, or them acting like they never do anything wrong. They keep asking my hubby if I'm mad at them, because I don't talk to them that much. Yet they won't come and talk to me. And I know they talk to other people about us behind our backs. And they tell them, how much they hate me.. I hate every moment of it! Anyone else with a similar problem and how did you handle it? I'm sad , that my kids will not have loving grandparents... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Oh you are all so right on judgmental about this lady. I hate mine too with avengance - they are mean, selfish, whinging and self centred. Never help me or my sister in law with our children even though we work! Added to this they are hypochondriacs and despite having loads of cash, count every penny. My oldest boy hates them too since my mother in law called him fat and spoiled. Frankly I wish I could wave a magic wand and they'd disappear. All I can say is that I just avoid them, when their lack of concern for their grandchildren gets to me I just pretend my hubby has no parents and console myself that we may get our hads on their cash one day!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): You don't have to like your inlaws. But your husband has a very strong bond with them because they're his parents. so, you don't have to like them, but don't come between him and them, don't make him choose. Also, you may need them one day because of your kids so don't burn bridges with them.
Basically I suggest that you limit your contact with them. Your husband can go visit them with your kid, but doesn't mean you have to tag along too. If he wants to go spend holidays with them, he and the kids can...doesn't mean you have to join him. If your husband demands that you go with him to visit his parents, now that's a marital problem with your husband not with your in laws.
If your in laws are interfering in your life, deal with them on your own, don't go through your husband or complain to him and put him in the position of referee or having to choose sides. Tell them directly if they are violating your boundaries. Don't make your husband fight your battles for you, he will just resent you for it.
you don't have to like them, you don't have to be their best friend. Keep your distance from them to where you feel it's tolerable. If they demand more closeness, don't do it because that just makes you dislike them even more and then the pressure will build up more. Your husband and your kids can still spend all the time in the world with them that they want, just that you will be off doing your own thing in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Your baby is also their family like it or not, your inlaws are also your husbands family like it or not...you talk like they are just 'anybody' and expect your husband to just drop them for you! You have not stated any valid enough reason in my opinion to make me have any sympathy for you...you just sound spoilt and VERY selfish.
You are the one that actually comes across as not a very nice person. Although you may have a solid valid reason that you have not disclosed on here .
So what is the REASON? or is it just YOU ?
Spunky Monkey.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Kill them with kindness, I say. I have tricky in-laws too, but I am always as genuinely kind to them as I can be. Hey, they raised my fella and he's pretty great. And yes, they probably yack about me behind my back, but I try not to give them any ammunition by always being polite and civil.
Giving them the cold shoulder and hating them touching or cooing over your cutie-pie baby is absolutely reason for them to dislike you - even if you're doing those things because of wrongs they've done to you. I would calm yourself and not turn this into a battle and throw your husband in the middle.
Make yourself available for talking and try and keep yourself on your sweetest behavior. And when I say sweetest, I don't mean saccharine sweet so that you are clearly faking. Nope, keep it cool, calm, collected and always polite. Do unto others, sister - in my opinion, that is the golden rule for a reason!!
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Was there ever a time when you did like your in-laws, or they were cordial to you?
If so, what changed?
Look: they are your HUSBAND'S parents. It's not too surprising that he tries to keep the peace between you and them! Do you want him to get confrontative with them and have them on the outs with him as well as you?
And what about this "I can't stand them holding my baby" business? Why can't you? Are you afraid they'll harm your child? They're his grandparents, for heavens sake!
I would recommend you sit down with them and have a quiet talk as to what bothers you so much - EXCEPT that they realize you hate them and would probably be defensive, angry - and what do you know? They might have a few criticisms regarding your attitude and behavior!
You say they ssk your husband why you are so negative toward them. No wonder they hesitate to approach you and talk to you about the problems!
Would it REALLY hurt you to at least begin to attempt to be civil toward them - I'm not saying you have to be bosom buddies - but would a smile or refraining from your revulsion at them cooing over the baby really kill you??
Finally, it doesn't matter who started all this bad feeling. SOMEONE has to take the first steps toward at least showing a little tolerance and common courtesy! I'm not saying you have to love them. Perhaps it's gone way beyond that.
At least think of your husband caught in the middle and your child who is being deprived of affectionate grandparents.
Then, if after you make a sincere - and prolonged effort to be a little more cordial and they're still so unpleasant, you might severely limit your exposure to them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): did you know this going into the engagement? You prob did see he was a mama's boy but looked past it. You say: "So DH who are you sleeping with me or them? Me? "ok then it is me you have to please not them." Also, part of the wedding vows are about leaving your former family and starting a new one with your wife. You need to respect that. Well what I did was right before the wedding we bought a house across the country a gazillion that solved that problem.No more abusive in laws! I win!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): Hate is a very strong word to use against your husbands parents,i sense there may be a lot more going on than you care to tell
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 July 2011):
 are they good to the baby? let your hubby take the baby to see the grandparents and you stay home if you feel that strongly.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 July 2011):
 You have a husband problem. If the In Laws interfere with your marriage or your family life where it ruins the peace and function, speak up to your hubby and let him know that either HE can deal with his parents or YOU will.
Pick your battles carefully and let your husband know what your In Laws do that are dealbreakers with you.
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