A
female
age
36-40,
*reezy
writes:Dear Cupid, Theres this boy i'm talking to and we love each other dearly but he has a girlfriend.He said he's not in love with her but he does love her and he told me that he's in love with me and tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me .We hang together more than he hangs out with her.I asked him to break up with her and he said he doesn't have the "balls" to and then i said to do it in text and he said he'd try but he still hasn't..I don't wanna lose him because hes so nice and what i want in a boy !.I don't wanna be a homewrecker because i hate kissing him knowing that he has a girlfriend.what if i went out with him and he did that? i don't know what do to ! please help ! Sincerly, Breezy
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has a girlfriend, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (2 March 2009):
Guy's a player, and you're being used. You already know this. Why do good women allow themselves to be used? Baffles me. Find a good guy who will treat you well, will ya?
A
female
reader, Milhan  +, writes (2 March 2009):
Give him an ultermadium. How do you feel knowing he kisses her too?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Breezy, are you sure you are 22 to 25, you sound MUCH younger.
If the guy has a girlfriend then he is off limits to you. He is saying the same things to you as he is to her, re-read your post.
He isn't "in love" with either of you, but he may like you both and he may be "in lust" with both of you.
There is nothing wrong with playing the field, but he owes his so called girlfriend the honesty that he is keeping his options open and dating as many girls as he wants to.
You should date as many "boys" as you want to as well and kiss as many "boys" as you want to.
Don't be so concerned about losing a "boy". Instead focus on you, and decide if he is good enough for you, and how are you so sure he is what you want in a "boy"? How can you say you love each other, you aren't even in a relationship with each other yet....you are merely dating? or are you just hanging out? So you aren't really dating, yet? I say keep your eyes and ears open and think before you give your heart away to just one "boy", the likelihood is that he will be keeping his options open, so you might want to do the same.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (2 March 2009):
You should want in a boy someone who, if he fell out of love with you, would have the decency, sense of fairness (and the "balls") to tell you the truth, so that you could find someone who would work to stay in love with you rather than looking for it elsewhere.
It is always easier to find "in love" with someone new, than to do the work to keep "in love" alive with your partner. And it is much easier to do the work needed to stay in love, when you believe your partner is committed to doing the same.
The first rule of mature relationships is, if you are not willing or able to be faithful, let your partner go before you look for something more.
Someone incapable of following this rule is not worth lowering your self-image over.
He may be cute, he make make you feel special, but his actions are telling you what is inside him. In time, that's all a relationship is.
I'd tell him you've realized you want and deserve more than an unfaithful man, even if you haven't been proud of how you've acted. And even he if doesn't have the balls to end an unhealthy relationship, you do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): you answered your own question!
IF he dumps his girlfriend, which i dont think he intends to do (he would have done it by now!).
and IF you ended up with him, your whole relationship is already based on deceit, and you would spend all your time worrying that he would cheat on you as he is on his present girlfriend.
if i were you i would stay well clear and find someone single.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): He is trying to have his cake and eat it too - this sounds like a CLASSIC start to an affair - and only you can make sure it doesn't go down that path. You're young - and you DO NOT need this kind of messy love life - if you continue to 'hang out' and kiss this guy knowing he has a girlfriend you are effectively playing the part of the mistress/other woman.
You say this isn't feeling right? Then stop it.
You have two options -
1) keep things how they are - feeling uncomfortable, being one of three in a relationship, not getting as much as you'd like to (time, intimacy etc)
2) bring things to a head - give him the ultimatum - it's me or her - simple, he can't keep having both, that isn't working for you. The ONLY thing is if you go down this path you need to be able to follow through - if he doesn't break it off with the poor girlfriend - you should not see him AT ALL. And you should not be 'available' - in any way, emotionally, sexually whatever, until he has proved he has split. This means you have to be prepared to possibly loose him altogether....but, from where I sit you don;t really have him now - all you have is something sleezy on the side.
Good luck.
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