A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with the wrong person. I am still young, fresh out of hs and have never been in love until now. We are from a small town in Arizona and happened to cross paths...Well more like he hit on me one day and I reciprocated.It started off very sweet and it seemed as though we had a future together. Then we got into our first fight and both of our true personalities showed. We are both a lphas but both very sensitive. We were then off and on for 4 months. During this time I fell for him. I fell in love with him. However it wouldn't work becaUse he was seeing other girls(even though he denied it when I confronted him about it, but I'm not an idiot) and I was seeing other guys. He just invested in a house here in this small town and told me he plans to live here at least another six years. Meanwhile, I intend on leaving in exactly one year. I know he is the wrong person to love but I do nevertheless. We had a very volatile relationship, everyone knew it..We just broke up recently for the final time this time. It didnt end well whatsoever. We both ended up saying we hated each other and deleted each other off of our social media. I am heartbroken. We were passionate and I have found that it has made it so I am not attracted to anyone else anymore. I feel broken. I hate this. I hate him but all I want to do is be with him I don't know how to deal with this?
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 July 2016):
 The short answer is: it's not worth the drama.
I had a similar, very long up and down relationship for a while. There can be something addictive about the highs of reconnecting and making up, possibly make up sex?--at your age, you probably have the energy for these highs and lows. It sounds like you know yourself and your relationship well enough to know how toxic it was. In the long run, even if you go back and get a couple more highs, the damage it does to you--not just to the relationship, but to you, your trust of other men, of future relationships, of your capacity to love and grow with another in a more functional way--is not worth it.
For me, those highs and lows all burned out into a broken numbness (kind of like the indifference that one of the aunts spoke of). Don't let yourself get to that point! It's a dangerous place to be.
There's this theory in psychology, that the more we use particular neural pathways, the stronger they become. That means, instead of being able to see an array of reactions to a stimulus, our minds revert to a default. If those defaults are not healthy, then we continue to choose unhealthy behaviors for ourselves. Instead of thinking about what an awful, incompatible person you were dealing with, which I don't doubt, think about the ugliness he brought out of you. Think of the ways you handled things. You say you two were both alphas. What does that mean for you, does that mean you prioritize being right over being empathetic? What you can take away from this relationship are lessons in communication, in interacting with others, in showing love, and in working on reprogramming these reactionary "defaults" you developed in this unhealthy relationship. Just to be clear, I'm not blaming you for the relationship's downfall. I'm saying there are two people in a relationship, and you can gain knowledge on creating a mutually beneficial, rather than mutually parasitic, relationship, next time.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Sweetie you are very young and have your whole life ahead off you. Yes you are heartbroken because your first relationship has ended, it will take a while to get over him, but you will. You will look back some day and smile at the short relationship you had with him and will remember what it taught you. I know for now you cannot see it like that. It is okay to be sad. Talk to your friends about how you feel, cry if you need to. Then distract yourself. Keep yourself busy, keep all contact with him blocked and slowly you will feel better. You are moving on to another chapter off your life, which will have more ups and downs but you will deal with it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 July 2016):
 OP: Did you put the title on this submittal?
Why do I ask? Because the opposite of "love" is not "hate"..... it is "indifference". You have to have real strong feelings about someone who you claim to "hate."
That said.... ask yourself if you will likely EVER become indifferent to this guy. If "yes," then you can complete a break-up. If "no," then you are setting yourself up for some longer-term anguish...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 July 2016):
 You sound like Burton and Taylor. It's time to make a decision and not look back, otherwise you could be locked in this love/hate battle forever.
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