A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hate feeling like the fat ugly one next to all my gorgeous friends. Every guy that I ever like ends up with one of my two best friends. Last night I was at a party and my "best friend" got off with the guy that I was interested in. I always pretend that it doesn't matter but it really gets me down. I'm 17 and I've never even had a boyfriend. The guys that are interested in me are people that I just don't fancy.When the last guy that I was interested in let me down I stopped eating for a while, but I'm ok now. But i hate eating in front of my friends so i never have school lunch, and they always have a go at me for not eating. but its ok for them! theyre all so skinny. Im over 10stone at 5ft10. Everyone else seems to be having such a good time, but i just find it hard to see the point in doing anythingSorry for my rambling, i didnt know who else to talk to--Heloisa
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female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (8 October 2007):
 You're over 10 stone at 5 foot 10? Look mate, that ain't fat. Not nearly. I'm 5 foot 4 and 9 stone, and everyone says I'm really sskinny. I bet you are too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your help. This is the first time i've used the site and im amazed at how many people offer such great advice. baby_duck, you're right to say you shouldn't compare yourself to other people, but its so hard when everyone else compares me to them.
just-ask-xx, i think i am the opposite to your friend. I know i can't compete with the pretty girls at their own game, so i try to be as different as i can to them by wearing quirky clothes and piercings etc etc, so i can pretend i dont mind that i could never be like them
but of course I do.
anyway, you're all right about enjoying life and accepting myself for who i am. its just easier said than done
Thank you all again for your help :)
--Heloisa
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Irish is so right. You sound the idea weight for your height so stop beating yourself up about this. You sound just great and beauty is from within so stop it now. The earing infront of them is just a lack of confidence which will come with age and time. Just be the lovely person that you are.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 October 2007):
 There is no way on the face of this earth that you are even remotely fat being ten stone at 5'10.
Maybe you need to consider that your insecurities shine through so much that guys are afraid to approach you and i'm saying that from experience.
I lost some weight after feeling like you do and i am about the same as you now, i got a new hair style went out and bought some new clothes and suddenly found this confidence that i had never had before, i feel great now and ok we are not stick insects but who the hell would want to be and you will find that most men you speak to would actually prefer a women thta was built like a women and not a lamp post.
Give yourself a confidence boost, treat yourself to a new hairstyle and a new outfit and you go out there believing in yourself and you will shine and everyone will see that.
My apologies for rambling now.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, lemontree +, writes (7 October 2007):
Ignore the advice given above about losing weight. At 140lbs and 5ft 10' you are not overweight (remember you are taller than a lot of men - and 140 lbs would be considered light for a man). Stop focusing on getting a boyfriend, and start thinking about having a laugh with your mates. I know at 17, you want to feel attractive to the opposite sex, but be careful this doesn't become desperation - because this can be very off-putting. Men, like women, are attracted to others not just because they are physically attractive, but because they are good to be with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Hun, 1 stone equals about 14 pounds. So if you are a tall woman at 5'10', I would state that your weight conforms nicely, with your height. You are NOT overweight.
Now about your friends. Are you letting your friends know, who the guy is that you are interested in? And are they still 'getting off' with this guy, knowing that you like him? If so, maybe you should be rethinking who your friends are. If this is not the case, then you have a bad case of poor body image, which is purely psychological in nature. It's more influenced by your 'own' self-esteem than by being judged by others. You think that your skinny gf's get the guys you like, so therefore you are fat and ugly. Maybe you are choosing the wrong guys to like, dear. There are a lot of nice guys out there, who love tall, curvier women like yourself. I think the only way you will get through this, is to learn to change your inner attitudes towards yourself. And when you do that, your beauty, your graciousness and bright personality will come through and that...is what some great guy will take note of you. So learn to love yourself for just who you are are. Look around you, look at your genetics, and start being realistic about the wonderful size you are. Work towards self acceptance and be gentle with yourself. So on that note, you now need to decide how you wish to spend your energy and your life... do you want to do it pursuing the perfect body or simply, being happy and enjoying family, friends, and most importantly, life.
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A
female
reader, JackieR +, writes (7 October 2007):
 If you are at 10 stone and you are 5ft 10in take it from me you are at your ideal weight, but you are so down on yourself and constantly comparing yourself to others, that you don't see that you are absolutly fine the way you are!!
You have got to stop being so hard on yourself and start respecting yourself and your body.
Ask yourself this, what attracts you to these guys that you fancy? Is it because thay are popular and your mates fancy them? and if only you could be with one of them then you will be happy and content with yourself???? Is that what you think???
I hate to break this to you but it doesn't work that way!!!
The only way you are going to be happy is to first and fore most take a look in the mirror, take a deep breathe and start liking yourself. Start to see yourself as worth the effort, once this starts you will slowly start to feel better, you will want to look after yourself properly and you will start to attract people who will have a positive influnce on you.
Once you start doing this you will stop comparing yourself to everyone who YOU see as perfect and see them for normal human beings who are underneath it all are just as insecure as the next person. The only person you have to be in this life time is you, so get to work on the new, happier, relaxed, loving her own skin, you!!!
It will be hard but it will be worth it!!
I will be thinking of you as you start your self discovery journey, good luck!!
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A
female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Your 'rambling' is good, at least you're telling people you're problems. My advice might not seem very good but here: You're only ugly if you think you're ugly, I once knew a girl in high school and she was really unhappy about her weight so she nibbled on salads and then just munched lots of crisps and chocolates at breaks and when she felt hungry, she used to try and follow whatever the 'popular' people at school wore and they did NOT flatter her at all, she staightened her hair and dyed it bleached clonde all the time. Then one day I went over to her house and I helped her, I washed all the dye out of her hair, let it curl naturally and I showed her what would look good on her and what make-up what not to wear (she used to plaster it on) and she looked ten times better. Now she has a boyfriend who likes her for her mind and as far as I know, she's still with him :)
But you're not her so what I would do is get all your friends together and go....shopping!!! Try on clothes that you like and ask for your friends oppinions. :) I hope it works out, and tell your friends when you don't feel comfortable when they go out with a boy you like, reply, even if to say this advice is rubbish....I'm serious :) love, just-ask-xx
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Well look,I dunno your metrical system that good but I'm 5ft11 and dont even want to measure and find out how much kilos I have.It's comforting to think that you and I are both normal,just in bigger package-I couldn't possibly have less that 70kg and not being TOO skinny.I't just how I was born and the same goes for you.Now look around you next time you get out of the house-there are lots of "fat ugly" girls holding hands with "hot" guys.Conclusion:looks aren't everything.My advice for you is to keep all that in mind+ boost up your confidence (positive thoughts,aknowledging yourself for every great thing that you do...it takes practise but it's 100% possible).And dont ever again think of you as "the ugly one" among your "gorgeous" friends cause BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE ONE WHO'S LOOKING!It's all in your head-start changing it:)Best luck
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