A
female
age
41-50,
*lgr
writes:Well, I really need advice. My boyfriend and I had been together 2 years. We started having problems and needed time apart. The arguments were about money and stress and living in a too small apartment. We both loved each other,but then one day everything escalated and we broke up. Our lease was over and we both moved back to our parents house. I have a 3 year old son and for the past two years we were living as a family. My son calls him Dad and they are extremely close. The arguments were really bad, alot of shouting, insults etc. Since we both attend the same college we saw each other all the time. When we were together, it was still like we were "together" holding hands, kissing, saying I love you, and sleeping together. I wanted him back but he didn't want me because he said he couldn't forgive me about all the arguments. He didn't trust things would change. We are now back together and everything is fantastic. until I learned that while we were apart he would go out to parties and bars with his friends most of them are "female". I understand this is normal after a break-up reuniting with friends and everything. But he never once told me about it. We would see each other twice a week and talk on the phone usually everyday, but never more than that because he wasn't wanting anything more than that. This went on for the entire 5 months we were apart. I don't know why he would hide his friends from me. I would ask him what he was doing while we were broken up and he would say that he was just focusing on his school. He says he didn't tell me because then I couldn't have handled it. His facebook account is full of pictures of parties and bar photos with friends that did not even know about me or my son. The whole time he was sleeping with me and spending time with my son, he was living this "secret" life. Now that we were both on facebook and able to see each other's pictures. His friends are making comments like, "who's that kid?" My feelings are hurt and I feel like I can't trust him. I told him that since we were sleeping together he should have told me about his friends, the parties, the bars. Now I can't trust him and am angry. I told him to think if the table's were turned and suddenly he seen that for the last five months I was hanging out with a bunch of guys at bars. The whole time I was sleeping with him and never once telling him about it. He has begged me to believe that everything was innocent and it was solely because he didn't want to start problems while we were broken up. We have both ended our facebook accounts and I am trying to get over it. But I can't stop thinking about when I was at home crying and trying to tell my son, Why Dada isn't here?. He was at the bar with his "friends" What should I do??? He is literally on the ground begging me to forgive him but those pictures and comments are burned into my brain.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 You cannot change a person but you can change your perceptions of him.
When you were apart ,he has a right to be happy and to do those things that he enjoys.
You should not chain a person emotionally and expect him to live like you . He is a man and he needs release from his stress and pressures.
Forgive him and let go of the past. No one is perfect. Everyone has their weakness and faults.
A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (18 April 2010):
 If this going out he did was during the time you were broken up, then I don't know why you would stay bothered about it. He didn't concern himself with your opinions about his partying because you weren't together anymore. His friends not knowing about you or your son together could be because the issue didn't come up. I don't know how you could have avoided his friends while you were together though. Anyways, I think you should give him a chance because he sounds sincere. Yes he was in the pictures, but that doesn't mean he did questionable things while at the parties.
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