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I hate cheating, but why do I do it?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 January 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, *wantchange writes:

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, WHY when I'm drunk to I exit reality and hook up with someone.. ALWAYS. I know its wrong too... Self control sucks. Like I just lose it, and I'm tired or it. I'm not partying anymore, I love my boyfriend, can someone give some advice or words of encouragment?

Tyler

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

One simple solution.

Look deep within you and decide if you trully love this man. Because if you don't then all the sentiments in the world won't stop you from giving yourself out when you get on the sauce.

Alcohol does not create problems. It brings problems that are already there to the surface.

So in your case tell our bf, make him forcfully keep alcohol away from you. Make sure no alcohol is in the house, make sre all your friends never offer you alchol at any point.

Take your bf everywhere so he can stop you giving into temptations if you are alone.

You need to put safeguards whilst you have personal control over yourself. Ones that you can't get out of even if you wanted to. This way you have no way to fall back into old habits.

Once you realise you can survive without help then boom. Its all fixed.

Flynn 24

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (28 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntDon't go into the devil's lair or territory ,flee. Keep away from those places and you will not be tempted.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

Alcohol. I blame this problem on alcohol.

First of all, I think you have the question to answer, 'Why do I drink, to a point where I lose my self control?' Yes, I know, I know, self control isn't fun, and it stops you doing what you'd like to, but you are doing this for your BOYFRIEND not yourself. Cheating is a selfish and hateful thing to do, and if you continue doing it, you will probably be seen as a whore.

2 years is quite a long relationship for our age, so you obviously love each other. He obviously loves you back. But maybe, I'm getting the feeling you're going off him a little, but trying to convince yourself you're not, because you don't love him enough to stop cheating.

Why do you cheat? Does he know you cheat? If he doesn't, it's time to stop playing him for a fool. If you're ever gonna sort this out, it has to start with telling him. And soon. The longer it lies, in the end, he's bound to find out, and the worst part will be him feeling that he's been lied to for so long. Yet if you tell him soon after, he gets the chance to tell himself 'she told me, so she doesnt hide things from me' and forgive you.

It breaks my heart to hear of people cheating, it's selfish and greedy. If you love your boyfriend, you'll sort out the alcohol and stop. It's nasty, and unthoughtful.

Please, think of your boyfriend, he loves you and trusts you - why do you have to abuse his trust? You're breaking his heart...

I hope this helps. Sorry if I came across a bit nasty, I don't mean to be. Just expressing.. hehe :] Message me if you need to. Good luck ;]

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (28 January 2008):

rcn agony auntThe first step is to be honest with yourself in knowing this is a real problem. The hard part is you have to be honest with your boyfriend and let him know about your problem.

Just from reading your statement, and not knowing you, it sounds like the possabilitiy of a couple of things. (1) Something within the alcohol that tosses your hormones off balance. Sort of like an alergic reaction. (2) Some sort of abmormal sexual addiction (3) manic depressive disorder (bi-polar) This disorder takes many forms and one is altering behaviors while under the influence of alcohol.

I recommend you see a psychologist and work through the puzzle to see what might be the cause of these behaviors.

Good luck.

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