A
female
age
30-35,
*ilmama206
writes:So me an my boyfirend been togather for 4 monthes now we moved in togather like rigth away an it was ture love at first sigth every one said i was crazy my firends was like you don't even know this guy an i'm always the one to think things out but we had this vibe that just was so strong we knew we were ment to be togather his family did not like the fact that i'm much younger then him but we didn't care were 11 years apart i'm 18 so yeah we were stayin at his mom houes and now we got are own we've had porblem before but they seem to get badder okay so he have a son who is 4 year old we all know what type of diffcuilty you go thrugth bein a step mother so what makes it badder is that i suffer from low self esteem an abondedment issue from bein in forster care so i'm really cling an he can;t stand that he doesn't understand what that like he was raise with alot of tougth love an little affection so he not use to that an are other porblem is the morther of his child they were togather for 10year pules higth school sweet hart an they borke up cuz she grow out of him but she put him throuth alot an me not every bein in a realationship like him i tend to play games as he call it like when we get in a figth an i said i'm going to take out the garbage an i was like well i can't rember but he said i hope you lock the door behind you an don't come back an i didn't come back for 30min he said my baby ma use to do the same thing an he told me how she act like she was going to kill her self in the bathroom an lock the door an he break the door to stop her an she be pickin at her nails i mean what should i do hes always comparering me to her an we get in stupid figth cuz my low self eteem issue an abondement porblem an him being so much older an me being younger all do things he'll think is childish when really i'm actin my age an i say things cuz of my insucerites that make him mad to where all tell him to leave becauese i fell he well any way sooner or later when he won't but i push him away help me please i love this men whit all my hart if he were to go becauese of the stupid things i say or feel i don't know what i do
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male
reader, Arkiteck +, writes (28 January 2008):
I think the problem is on both parts. Yes, you may be being a bit too clingy but that's something you need to work on yourself. The bigger problem in my eyes is his comparing you to his ex.
There are certain things you should NEVER do in a relationship. 1 of those things is threatening the relationship. Saying things, like i wish i wasn't with you, i wish you would leave, MY EX USED TO DO SUCH AND SUCH..... It's not good for the relationship AT ALL!!! In essence he's saying, "My ex used to do A,B, and C, and we're not together because of it. If you continue to do A,B, and C, then we're going to break up as well." I can understand those things may bother him, but if he really loves you and wants to be with you, he should be able to express it in a way that doesn't compare you to her.
You obviously have self esteem and abandonment issues, which is understandable in your situation. You need to work on that and get through it. My biggest piece of advice to you would be to go back to school and finish your education in some sort of way. I'm not saying this to be insulting you, or calling you stupid, but it's obvious in reading your story that your education isn't where it should be as your story is filled with spelling errors, typos, and missed or unused punctuation. I could be wrong and if I am, I apologize in advance but if I'm not, I think it's something you should definately look in to as it could improve your situation with yourself tenfold. Please don't take this as an insult as that's not how I mean it. I wish you the absolute best because you deserve to be happy. I'm just afraid because I think you've mistaken lust for love.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 January 2008):
 First I'd like to say I feel for you and your situation. It must be hard growing up the way you did. You must be confused, maybe angry, and not having real positive views.
For your situation, this is normal behavior. It's seen quite often in foster care children. What I'm going to tell you is difficult, because it takes a real commitment on your part. Untimately, how you view yourself, relationships, abandonment etc. need reprogrammed. Our brains are like a computer. The information we feed it is stored and filed. By altering the way we view something, our brain then re-saves the information which then changes behaviors that were a product of the altered way of viewing.
Are you in a position where you can seek theraphy? In order to work on these issues a full diagnosis is needed. Before I go on, if you could answer questions. (1) If you were to tell me in a few sentences about who you are, what would you say? (2) Did you finish high school? if so, how was your educational experience? (3) How old were you when you began foster care? if an older child, What lead up to being raised in foster care? (4) In a couple of sentences and typing the first couple of things that come to mind, how was your overall experience growing up in foster care?
I hope we can at least point you in the right direction toward solving these issues. Take care.
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