A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel uncomfortable asking people how many people they have slept with and if they are 'clean'. I have recently been hooking up with this guy and we do like each other but are not ready for a serious relationship quite yet. I feel that I have a right to know how many people he has been with, as I am now a part of those numbers, but I feel rude for asking. Is that weird? Also, a few nights ago, we got really drunk and, very stupidly, had unprotected sex. I am not so worried about getting pregnant as I am on birth control. But I am worried about getting an std and I don't know how to ask him about that either. I don't want him to get offended and make him think that I think that he is necessarily a dirty person. Anyone have any suggestions on this awkward subject for me? I appreciate all the advice I can get. Thank you.
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drunk, sexual past, std, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (9 July 2007):
 You had sex with him. You get to ask that question. If he baulks, you run to the doctor immediately and get tested and dont have sex with him or anyone else again. This is why you know a person first (thoroughly and mentally) before going all the way with them. Now you will have the fear of STDs constantly gnawing at your thoughts.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Go to a doctor, no matter what he says. He may either lie to you, or he may not even know if he has something.
Talk to him DIRECTLY about it, in private, and let him know that this NEEDS to be discussed.
Next, I would suggest that you might want to hold off of sex for a while with anyone. I think that part of being mature enough to have sex is to first be comfortable enough to be able to discuss health issues surrounding sex.
If talking about sex is too akward for you, maybe you shouldn't be having sex at all.
You are putting yourself, and every future person you will ever love in grave danger.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (3 July 2007):
 As the others suggested, go to a doc. Yes, I agree.In addition to that, it would still be helpful to know his past, if he's willing to divulge.I suggest sitting down some time when you two can be totally alone. Open a bottle of wine, light some candles,... set up the mood to have conversation. Start off by just typical conversation stuff, but then push it some. Ask him what he likes about sex, what he likes about sex with you, ask him what he likes that you do to him, if he's ever done it in a funny place, etc. You get the idea. Just ask interesting questions. Don't make it an interrogation, rather make it a time when you both can share about your secrets, desires and past.When you feel more comfortable, ask if he's ever gotten an STD from any of the girls he's been with. Take it or leave it, but that's one way to ask!
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 My suggestion would be to just visit your gp and get tested for sti's, that way you will know for sure and it will save any embarrasing or awkward conversations.
When it comes to his previous sexual partners that should not really matter, if he is seeing you then thats all that should count, and would it make you feel any different if he had slept with one or twenty one different people, thats the past leave it there and concentrate on the here and now.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2007):
 You don't need to ask him anything, get yourself to a doctor and get checked out. You alone can be trusted to protect yourself against STD's. Ask him to do the same just to be on the safe side before you have sex again. Make sure he always uses a condom. As far as his sexual history goes you don't really have RIGHT to know. He will tell you if he feels like it. But quite honestly it shouldn't matter to you as long as he doesn't have any STD's and from the postings here knowing the partner's past can also cause problems in some relationships.
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