A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wont bore you with the detail, but 5 months ago I came out of a relationship, or rather, I was thrown out of it by circumstance. I had to move away from this girl who I considered to be the love of my life. That may sound foolish, since she is my first love, but I still can't picture myself finding anybody else as smart, loving and beautiful as she is.Anyway, she doesn't want to endure a long distance thing. She said "she loves me, but can't anymore."I had a relationship that I think most guys would envy, and I've lost it. It's been knocked out of my arms. How can I be sure I will ever have anything like that ever again? I keep telling myself I won't be with her again, and that really hurts, but I suppose that's a realistic way to look at it, now that we're on opposite ends of the country? Please help me.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 It really does depend on her. She may write off what you said, realizing the situation. Others all though there is something that prompts our actions, they still look at what is said as a direct attach toward them.
Whining is a quick way to turn someone off. You love her and you want to be with her, but you start whining, where in the whining do you take time to understand her? It doesn't sound like you did what it takes to ruin things unless you said stuff like "What, do you just want to be a slut?" or "I took time to love you, what a waste of time." OK, I'll stop, I could go one and on and on with what people say that destroy all chances of even consideration if another chance arises.
It is hard, but I'll tell you, if you weren't just dating, and you were great friends as well, the friendship part lasts. Take care, and I wish the best for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat advice, rcn, but I think the chances of telling her that at this time are unlikely. We haven't spoken for, nearing a couple of months now. But you're right, this is exactly what I should have said. Maybe I would have said that if I wasn't so crushed, devasted and disappointed.
I'd like to think that she knows that that's how I feel. I still would want us to have a future together after all. I'm not sure.
I was a caring, respectful, loving boyfriend. But after the break up, I was whiney. I asked her to take me back a few times, and said some things that (unintentionally) made her feel like crap. Her words, not mine. Which part is she going to remember me? The part where I gave nothing but love to her for 2 years, or post break-up me? I don't want to have spoiled any chance I had of a future with her by saying things whilst I was an emotional wreck.
Please, give me some more feedback, rcn!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 September 2007):
It does hurt, we've all had circumstances where we'd been hurt by a relationship ending. All I can say is be strong, realize not just your side, but respect her side. Tell her you understand her reasons and respect her decision, and that you really can't say if you were her, your decisions wouldn't have been the same. Let her know that all though this has happened she's always going to be a big part of you.
You do this for a reason, if you seem resentful at all, and there's a chance down the road of reconnecting, you don't want to ruin that opportunity from being able to happen.
Does it get easier, yes it will, but it will not completely go away. I have a couple of exes when I talk to them, I still question myself what I could have done different to have our outcome turn out more positive.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Oh sweetie im really sorry that it had to end the way it did but never fear you will have a relationship like that again your young and she was your first love and it hurts so much right now but it gets better you will meet new people and fall in love again,you will have her in your life and sometimes friends can be better then any relationship and if it was meant to be it will work out if not there is someone else out there for you, just be strong things always work out.
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