A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hey all,I met a girl at the start of university on my course, we had small talk in lectures whenever we crossed paths and I instantly liked her, I remember seeing and empty chair next to her and not daring to sit in it! So anyway I just carried on with the course occasionally chatting to her when we met.Half way through the FINAL YEAR we started chatting online and hit it off, we spent hours often until early morning just chatting about everything from philosophy to music tastes. So after about a week of this we decided to go out for a drink together... and the rest is history.So for the next few months I felt amazing about life, I was doing well in my studies and was with the girl I had always had a huge crush on. We both seemed perfect for each other, same interests and same outlook on life. We spoke to others all the time when we were apart and spent most of our spare time together. We were both very much into each other.As the final year of university came to a close and the summer holiday drew closer she was due to go home (2hr plane flight). She told me this was not going to be a problem as she was due back after to continue her studies at the same university for her masters. We told each other the time apart will be hard, but both of us were eager make it work and continue the relationship, after all it was only for the summer (2 months). At this point I shall just explain a few more things. She had quite low self esteem and didn’t like what she saw in the mirror (her words). I always told her she was beautiful and always gave her lots of affection. She would often try to deliberately annoy me and 'provoke a reaction' because she couldn’t understand how I could be nice to her all the time, she claimed she wasn’t a nice person! I knew this was just because of her low self esteem though. She was also very spontaneous.So the final week before she was to fly home arrived and all seemed okay, she was a little off with me, but she was very busy with moving out and other things so I didn’t worry. We spoke on the phone and she told me she missed and loved me and could I come to the airport to see her off.The next night (she was flying home the next day) we spoke again online and she broke my heart.I wanted to talk to her face to face as I couldn’t handle being dumped online, so I rushed to her house in the middle of the night. She told me she was breaking up with me, she said she didn’t love me anymore. So I went home and returned again in the morning to see her to the airport, part of me was hoping she would have changed her mind. Again she said she didn’t want a relationship and needed big space, she assured me there was no one else and I totally believe her. What hurt the most is she showed so little remorse, she was so cold and blunt - don’t ring because I'll hang up and don’t bother texting because I wont reply! And this was after speaking on the phone the night before being romantic! So I went with her to the airport (don’t know why I just had too). She told me not to come because "we'll just end up kissing", but I did anyway I couldn’t help myself - I just wanted to be with her. Before she went through the final gate, yup, we kissed and she told me that she would always love me.Part of my thinks she didn’t really mean it. She told me her dad never approved of our relationship and that she had an hour long conversation with him the night before, I'm guessing about me. She was very dependant on her dad and was very much daddy's little girl.I just find it hard to believe she can suddenly turn off her feelings for me and give up on what we had. This was both of ours first serious relationship, we both confessed we were each others first love.So it's been 7 weeks since she left and I miss her so much, I can't get her out of my head. We've had no contact and I'm finding it desperately hard, every minute of the day my thoughts are of her. Even when I’m out with friends or at work my I'm thinking of her. As I mentioned she is due to return to the same house in a few weeks to do her masters, whereas I will be moving about a 2 hour drive away, maybe she got scared of the commitment? I don’t know what to do, I keep telling myself not to get hung up on this girl but advice of 'move on' and 'you will find another' seems to offer little reconciliation. Deep down I'm unsure as to whether she really meant it so part of me believes we can maybe try again when she returns. I don’t really know what advice I’m asking for, I really miss her and want her back, I had the girl I had always day dreamt about and then she left me. What are people’s perspectives on this?Sorry about the length.from a truly heartbroken guy.......
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male
reader, strawberries +, writes (16 August 2007):
In my opinion it comes down to this; Whilst she still loves you your relationship has hit an obstacle and she feels that it would be better for both of you to go your seperate ways.She is using the distance between you to make that easier on both of you. This is why she said she wouldn't have broken up with you if she had stayed over the summer, and why she told you not come to the airport.My advice remains the same, give her the time and space to sort out how she feels. Sort out exactly how you feel, and what future you see for the relationship and then when she comes back you can phone her and talk to her about it.Don't expect it to all end happily ever after, It's possible she had a good reason for wanting the relationship to end.Hope that helps
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (15 August 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for your advice strawberries and Danielepew.Just to add somthing else, I asked her before she left if she would have broken up with me if she didnt have to go home for the summer, and she said no! That just adds to my confusion.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 You have every reason to be heartbroken, as this break up seems to have come out of the blue. Also, her way to dump you was not exactly the best.
I also understand your asking yourself what could have gone wrong and how to remedy that. But, my experience tells me that this questioning becomes an agony that leads nowhere.
You need to act upon what you have on the table. And that is, she dumped you. The prospects of her returning to you seem very low. So, your best bet is to act on it exactly the way you would with any other person who had dumped you. It doesn't matter whether she is the girl of your dreams.
Hope this helps you.
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A
male
reader, strawberries +, writes (15 August 2007):
I think you're on the right track, she is really struggling with the commitment issue.
Basically with any relationship people have to get to a point where they concider the long term future for you, is this the guy i want to marry? settle down with? have kids?
These points ussually occur when something major changes. As simply as i can put it...is the relationship worth the effort it will take to keep it going. Unfortunately her (and possibly her dad) have decided it isn't.
She said she loves you, and is probably equally hard broken, because even though she knows what she is doing is the righr thing, it doesn't make it any easier.
What I would suggest is waiting for her to return to the house...and you to move away. Then phone her. That way you'll have given her the space for her to sort out exactly how she feels. You can then discuss. hopefully with a clearer head, the exact reason why you broke up.
If she can't communicate her feelings for you, then it's likely she isn't ready to move to the next level of a relationship...also backed up by "daddy's little girl". If this is the case then let her go, and if you still feel the same way once she finishes her masters, then go and talk to her again.
Hope that helps
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