A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, i used to masturbate like everyday and yesterday i had sex for the first time and to be honest i did not enjoy it. what could be the reason i need to know. i didnt come because the girl in question gets tired easily even when we're just kissing. so she kept complaining that she's tired and it was hurting her. said her last guy must have left her cuz she could not satisfy. i need your help cuz this was my first experience and it really broke me. i want to have an enjoyable sex. cuz with what happened i tink i'd prefer masturbating to having sex. and also i guess the condom i used didnt help matters i did not get the feel i craved for. "somebody out there help"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Okay, it sounds like both of you guys were/are kinda inexperienced.. You cause it was a 1st time, she "said her last guy must have left her cuz she could not satisfy."
That's okay, just means you need to take time to learn... :)
Things to consider:
Does this girl have any physical health-related problems (like chronic fatigure or such) some other conditions can also cause tiredness.. Or does she work/study too much or something like that? Were either of you 'pressuring it'?
(Or did you take time to get to know each other well and explore your bodies, have a good time just messing about/relaxing, hugging,... first?)
Foreplay is very important for women to relax and be able to experience it with joy.. Trust and emotional bond may be important too..
If she's still angry at her ex she might be tense about that too.. Or just sleep with you to 'prove a point'..
Is this a loving relationship too or 'just sex'?
You don't write if you love her or even like her.. or if she loves you.. or how long you have known each other.. just about sex... hmm?
Maybe she could even have a libido problem? Perhaps it could be zinc deficiency or perhaps she might be lacking some other vitamins/minerals or inadequate nutrition/not enough physical exercise otherwise etc. These can cause lack of sex drive, as well as depression/tiredness or such...
"She gets tired easily even when we're just kissing. so she kept complaining that she's tired and it was hurting her."
If it was hurting her, maybe she wasn't 'wet' enough... Some girls find it difficult to get an orgasm 'in the act' so it's helpful if one of you 'does something' to help ;)
You both may need to learn more about this.. This is easiest if you're in a trusting loving relationship..
There are books and online info and films about this.. (even reading some romance books can help! :)
If you like her and respect her, you can have a lot of fun learning and exploring together..
If she was raised strictly religious, she may not be up for reading books etc, and that's okay too.. You can still learn A LOT on your own.. It's good to get informed FIRST and then maybe talk about it... (or just try newly-learnt stuff...)
Even if the two of you don't decide to stick together or 'try again', you can learn a lot to make the experience better with someone else... :)
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Sometimes first times aren't good - and if you didn't come obviously you're going to be more frustrated than pleased.
Dont give up on sex altogether though. Trust me, it's amazing once you get the hang of it. It just takes time getting there.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Yeah, one's first time is rarely "magical". Good sex takes experience. Not only for yourself, but experience getting used to your partner and how she likes to be sexually pleased.
Keeping that in mind, sex and masturbating are 2 different things. Masturbating has one thing in mind, and that's for getting off. Sex, on the other hand, is for enjoying your partner.
There are so many different expectations leading up to that first time having sex because you don't know what to expect. People think it's automatically amazing, but it's not. As I said, it takes experience. Everybody's body works differently. You both need to be patient in figuring out what each of you enjoys.
And FYI, sex with condoms can be enjoyable, sometimes it just takes experimenting with them as well. There are different brands, styles, etc.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (25 October 2010):
 That's normal. My first time was lack luster for me too. I didn't have an orgasm either. The good news is that it gets better. As you learn what pleases you, you will be able to communicate that to your partner and that should help.
On a different note, don't become the selfish lover you sound like you're becoming. For someone to be complaining after their first time about a partner not being able to please them doesn't bode well for you buddy. She didn't sound the greatest either, complaining along the way, so maybe you need to find someone who is interested in their own and your pleasure. It could also be inexperience. You both sound rather new to everything, so if you can both communicate your needs and desires to eachother your love life should get better.
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A
female
reader, NC_is_home +, writes (25 October 2010):
Nerves! This wasn't the right one! It is great if it is with the right person.
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