A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is long... I tried to keep it concise but I wanted it to be complete.I've been feeling blue about a guy for a long time, a friend from college. I'm confused because my love for him has faded, and I know I need to move on, but... it's hard.I'm a white North American and Floridian, but I've never been interested in my "own kind." Nothing wrong with them, but I've always been attracted to latinos. Above all, all my life the quality I want MOST in a guy is a boyfriend who is my best friend... "Fulano" is a handsome Mexican man. and Fulano and I were best friends for years. I lost my temper with him and said some angry words to him. While he says he's still my friend, he says he'll never trust me again, and that I broke his spirit. Last year, I was really in love with Fulano, but he had a girlfriend. I finally told him how I felt about him, and he said that even if I returned to Mexico, we couldn't be together because he couldn't leave his gf. I was heartbroken, but I went ahead and made my own plans. I decided I needed another trip abroad to heal my broken heart, and I'm going to Europe (Spain :)) later this year. Anyway, in NOVEMBER, Fulano wrote me and said that he and his gf had broken up and that if I returned to Mexico, we could have a relationship. He said that he couldn't wait and that he needed a girlfriend that could be physically present to share experiences with. I understand that, but I also thought he really liked me. I couldn't return to Mexico because I don't have the money, unless I forfeit my upcoming trip to Europe. I don't want to give it up, and even if I wanted to, I can't because I enrolled in professional school there. Anyway, I wrote him again, didn't hear from him, and then a few weeks ago I was looking at Facebook, he has a NEW girlfriend, and he is head over heels in love with her, and wants to spend his life with her. He doesn't even write me, but every five minutes he puts a message on her facebook wall. I feel very shut out, and discarded. I think that it's because I long for love and long to be close to someone. It makes me jealous that he's being a loving man for some other girl, while I'm in the cold and forgotten about. I want so badly to confide in someone about this. I have a few lovely friends and I TRUST them and CARE about them, but I don't want to bring them down. I feel guilty talking about my problems all the time.I have so much to be thankful for, I know.Today is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, I'm going to play my guitar and I'm going to Spain this year. I need to be grateful for all of this stuff, and I need to get over this thing that's making me sad, take the things I DO have, and be grateful for them.I know I need to move on, but I just don't think it's easy to get over a lost love, even if you realize that person is not "the one" for you. What do I move on TO???Fulano is NOT the one for me, but I still need love and want to share my life with someone. I want to be loved and cherished and held. Everyone else is happy, and sometimes I cry myself to sleep because my arms are empty and I wish and wish I had someone to hold me and tell me how much they love me. My love for him has faded, but when you've had hopes and dreams for so long, it's hard to turn your back. I'm grieving my hopes and dreams.Furthermore, I'm mourning all the time I lost. I studied abroad in Mexico, but that was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm not trying to be mean but I've never been attracted to an American white guy, and I don't see how I'll ever get another chance to meet a handsome latino. Sure, I am gonna try to return to Mexico (not because of Fulano but because I miss Mexico!!) but when you're not in college... it's hard. I had a once in a lifetime chance and I stupidly threw it away on him, and I regret it now. I want him to be happy, but I feel like he led me on and that made me very angry. Also, he has some qualities that I always wanted in a future mate. I just want to share my life and I had my heart set on a handsome latino, but I feel like I missed the boat. I want to have a companion. Being lonely sucks... it sucks a lot.I'm sorry that this is long, and thank you if you have taken the time to read this. Please dont' judge me, though, because I can't help my feelings. I just want to move on with my life, but I get so lonely.
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best friend, facebook, heartbroken, jealous, money, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 With good reason.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (5 April 2009):
 I clarify that when I say Spanish, I mean European Spanish.
I also have loads of Latin American friends as well of course. :)
A lot of people, however, confuse the two :)
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (4 April 2009):
I have some Spanish friends, but I'm not sure what to believe. I don't think they all hate Americans, but we have "mala fama." A somewhat unfairly deserved bad reputation, but a bad rap none the less.
All the books I've read have said that a Spanish man would never take an American woman seriously as a prospective wife. I'm not sure, though, maybe Lonely Planet is full of...
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (4 April 2009):
Your mom lived in Spain? Was she a student there? Did she have her career there?
*Sirena's heart jumps a little*
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): My mom lived in Spain and got hit on all the time so not sure where you got the impression they hate americans! Maybe in France it's like that? You could always move to San Antonio since it's like 90% hispanic and they consider white women trophies!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Sirena? Hmmm you recognized me! It's hard to hide being a mermaid, lol, we kind of stick out.Of course I'm going to Spain. I hear there are some HANDSOME men in Spain, too. I mean no offense to anyone, but I have heard that European Spanish men won't give an American woman the time of day. I'm not sure if that's true but it makes me sad. I don't think a European Spanish guy would want a mermaid either, he'd probably want a human girl with legs. *Sigh* Ok, I'm being facetious, but I've seriously heard that men in Spain do not see North American women as suitable wives or girlfriends. I hate that negative stereotype of American women, though. I can't help the fact that I'm an American, I've tried to make good choices in spite of that. I try to watch my weight and I can speak Spanish and other languages... but everyone hates us. I feel angry because even Fulano admitted that he was hoping to have sex with me one day. In other words, I felt like he saw me as just another easy foreign girl to have sex with, but when the time came to commit to a woman and be a loving man to her... he picked a girl from his own culture. I'm not even promiscuous, but all people see in me is: white foreign girl.:(Yeah, that was my dream all right. Thanks for your answers, though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Sirena, aren't you going to Spain where there are alot of Latinos? I think you are being a bit dramatic, sorry!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): This sounds very familiar to an earlier posting, but with a slightly (or a lot) different wordings: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/could-someone-help-me-interpret-a-recurring-dream.html.Are you the same person? Too much of a coincidence to be posted by a different person.Fact, or fiction?Love will find you, regardless of the person being Latino, Hispanic, Asian, Spanish, Caucasian, or Afro-American. You just need to open your heart..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): i think you should get back out there and just be patient everyone deserves a bit of love and you'll get it just be patient get back out there and show fulano what he could've had but you have to find love cos it wont come running to you xx
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