A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We are both in university pursuing an undergrad degree and we live together. Right now he is at home with his family because his dad has recently had major surgery. I don't really know where to begin and I wanna keep this brief. Last year he was asked to withdraw from the univ. because of bad grades and I helped him continue on by filing his appeal, talking to his dean on his behalf and making him prepare well for his exams. He tried to step it up after that, but is in the same situation again and since he's not here right now, I'm trying to do whatever I can to help him...going and meeting advisors, trying to get his appeal ready and things like that. I am always thinking of ways in which I can help him and I'm attending classes for one course that I am not enrolled in not only because it'll help me when I take the course later, but mostly because he is enrolled in it and I want to be able to help him whenever he needs it. But it really hurts me when the whole day goes by and he doesn't even text me. I said that to him again today and he got really mad at me and said I bug him and piss him off. I got very upset and told him that he can do everything himself and I will not be there for him anymore. He took that to mean that I want to break up with him. And now he won't answer my calls, he's switched off his fone and the last thing he said was that he's sorry I'm running around like an idiot and he'll do it himself when he comes back. What can I do to make the situation better? I have sent him several text messages asking him to forgive me and telling him that I'm really sorry. I love him very much and don't want this to end. What should I do if he won't talk to me? I'm also afraid that he might hook up with someone there thinking we've broken up.
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female
reader, gf123  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 It sounds as though your boyfriend is in a bad place right now. The pressure of university exams is huge (I'm currently taking a break from my own law revision so I know!) and when you have a parent who is also very ill (again, I'm in the same situation), you are never really yourself. His bad reaction to your text is probably a result of him not even considering looking at the bigger picture. I don't think too many excuses should be made for him however.
You sound like an amazingly supportive girlfriend, but be careful that you don't jeaopardise your own future by throwing all your efforts into things that your boyfriend really should be doing for himself. How do you think it looks to the dean and to the advisors you've spoken to that you are doing all the running around and he is doing very little? I doubt it will be helping his case in the long run.
I really don't want to judge your boyfriend but he has got himself into this situation twice now. Do you really think that he has shown respect and appreciation for all your hard work in getting him back on track the first time? If someone had done something so wonderful for me I would want to prove to them that it was all worthwhile.
This probably isn't what you really wanted to hear so, if you really believe in the boy (and you know him better than I do!!) then I can offer you some tough but sincere advice as to what to do about the break up. What I would strongly advise you to do is to leave him alone. Let him work out for himself what he's missing and he's far more likely to be receptive to your attempts to contact him and put things right.
I was in a broadly similar situation with my boyfriend (who thought I was going to stop him from carrying out all his travelling plans) and, after a lot of nagging from my mum, I finally told him that I was happy to end the relationship and work on the friendship. I was far from happy in reality, but to my amazement, he wanted to see me the next day for lunch. I put him off a couple of days and when we met up he was the same loving boyfriend I'd always known. We got back together and will be celebrating our 4th anniversary in July.
Hope that helps, in one way or another
Very best of luck
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