A
female
age
36-40,
*irlwho
writes:I was, for approximatley 4 months, sleeping with a guy I lived with last year, we both went to college together.It all happened when I realised I liked him, and I knew I wanted something to happen, and it did. We kept our 'relationship' a secret, and both agreed, that because we were both graduating from college shortly, we wou'dnt be serious, and we'd see other people at the same time. So essentially, we were just friends with benefits.I always knew I liked him more than he liked me, but I dealt with it, I didn't get openly jealous, or freak out or anything.Since we both graduated and moved back home we kept in touch, flirted over email, usual banter.At christmas we saw each other, and we ended up together again. But after that time he was very off with me and I got really irritated.I started seeing someone else a few months ago - I told him - he seemed fine with it. But he came to my home town for a holiday with friends recently, and we went out for a drink. I had just - that very day - ended things with the guy I was dating, as it wasn't working out. So I hooked back up with the 'friend'.Only this time, he told me I was special, he told me I was beautiful and that I was different to everyone else. He also said he was jealous when he found out I was dating someone else!It was weird because we didnt have that kind of relationship. It was always sex and nothing more. I just ignored him as he was drunk.But I have super strong feelings for himI cannot keep on just sleeping with him, or else I'll make myself sad, etc etc, I'd rather call it a day and remain friends.However since he said all that stuff to me, I changed my mind.. maybe he does have feelings for me? Is it possible that something serious can grow out of a 'friends with benefits' situation? Or is it best to escape whilst I can?All my girlfriends tell me he's a loser and to leave it and that he's not worth it. But my gut tells me not too. But it could be that my gut is wrong, and he's just playing all the right cards so he can have the power and have me 'adoring' him forever.I would talk to him about it, but I want to sort out my own head before talking to him!!
View related questions:
christmas, drunk, flirt, friend with benefits, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, attaboybob  +, writes (1 January 2008):
Friends with benefits relationships do not workwhen one becomes emotionally invested. I am no therpist...but, I think you should ask yourself WHY do you like this guy? Run..don't look back!JIM
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): I was in a situation like yourself for four years, we started out as a relationship, then because of the distance became friends with benefits. He was seeing other girls which made me jealous, but he never seemed jealous when I was seeing other guys. Eventually we decided that we should be exclusive again, only for me to find out he was still sleeping around I was dreadfully upset because at this time I'd fallen in love with him big time. We had a five month break,then he begged me to take him back that he loved me, was lonely and really wanted to see me. We met up a few times after that and three months later he dumped me out of the blue because he had met someone closer to home! Needless to say I felt I'd been taken for a mug again. I think you have to stop having sex with him, this will be the only way you will find out whether he is with you because he really wants a relationship. You don't want to be his back up girl for sex until something better comes along, as you will end up getting hurt. Also you don't want to do what I did and end up wasting 4 years, players are very clever and lull you into a false sense of emotional security for their own selfish needs and wants.
...............................
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 Relationship status may change, but it's not easy.
Spend more time with him in different situations.
"I want to sort out my own head before talking to him".
You have already done that in public just now and here.
"Is it possible that something serious can grow out of a 'friends with benefits' situation?"
Yes, but this may also be here the case of Timing that is different for you and that guy.
"But I have super strong feelings for him" - Eventually you will know his feelings for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, gf123  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 I think the answer to this lies in why your friends think he is a "loser". If he has been stringing you along for sex then he really is just that but if it genuinely was a mutual agreement and he was unaware of how you felt then I wouldn't say that that's the case.
I spent 6 months "seeing" my boyfriend before we made it official. I found it very hard to just get together at parties (we were young at the time and not sleeping together) but 4 years on, we are still together and incredibly happy. I do therefore think that something really good could come of your situation, if this guy is genuine.
The old saying "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" could be key here. Perhaps this guy, having spent time away from you and knowing that you were seeing someone else, has finally admitted his true feelings.
I agree with you, that if this is not going to turn into something sincere then you should end your sexual relationship but I would give this guy a chance. What would be worse, giving him up and wondering what could have been or attempting a relationship which then failed? That's really a decision for you to make and these are the worst case scenarios.
Best of luck
...............................
|
