| A
male
,
*rittibanz
writes: Hi, I have dated someone on and off for about two years. During the summer we happened to bump into each other again. We started to hang out again, things became more serious and I told her that I loved her. However, the problems from the previous times we dated was distance, and I needed to attend school for one more semester in another state after the summer ended. Our relationship was physical; and I, being the one who only having one partner, it being her, was a bit unsure about complete commitment. She also agreed with the fact that if she was only with one person she would also wonder the same question and told me that if that was the case that I should get it out of my system before I came back from school and we really decided to get serious.While I attened school, we still talked and about four times a week. However, about a couple of weeks went by and I went on a date with someone from school. One thing led to another and I did sleep with someone else. After I did this, I realized that I really didn't need to sleep around to know that I wanted to be with her. So I told her, knowing that she would be unhappy, but I wanted to start things out with no secrets. Of course, she was unhappy, and rightfully so, because I had told her that I loved her, and I did this. Now, she says that she cannot trust me, and that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me because she thought that I would have never done that. What can I do to rectify this situation? Why did she tell me to get it out of my system if this is the response?? I am very confused, and I know that I want to be with her, I know now that physical things do not dictate how I feel for her, I love her for her, how can I fix this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissMo +, writes (27 September 2005):
Sometimes we say things we don't mean. Sure, she told you to get it out of your system, but that didn't mean she wanted you to go do it. Imagine if you were in her shoes... would it bother you, and would you have problems trusting her if you knew she had slept with someone else? All you can do is give her time and hope that she comes around. If you truly care about her, let her know every now and then - in an e-mail or a phone call or something. If she cares about you, she'll try to get over it and put it in the past, but you need to let her do it at her own pace. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): Yes bro, you made a mistake. Some things you have to keep to yourself. You can't always tell your partner everything. On top of that, theres always the "one thing led to another" I hear from many people. If you truly loved her and cared about her, you would of been able to control yourself. When she says to "get it out of your system", she's testing you. Girls are like that. "Getting it out of your system" doesn't mean go and sleep with someone else to test your heart. She has lost her trust for you. The only options are: 1) to let it go and move on, or 2)remain friends with her and build your trust between you and her, and hopefully give it another chance in the future. Learn from this mistake man. All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): its her fault for telling you one thing and then meanining another! in my opinion you done the wright thing you told her the truth, i have only ever had one sexual partner (my fiancee who i am with now) and i often think of what it would be like to experience sex with other men. if she cant look past the fact youve had sex with someone else i wouldnt get together with her it will only cause major problems in your relationship and you will be made to feel guilty. honestly if she loves you she will look past what has happened, i do with my fiancee becuase i love him very much and he has had sex with other girls (who i know) and it bothered me at 1st now ive relised that its petty and would hate to loose him over a little thing, it caused major upset in our relationship but now things are rosy! so take it from me if she cant forgive and forget do yourself a faver and stay friends! well done for being honest not many lads are. i hope you work out what you want! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): Hi!
Based on what you've said about your agreement with this girl and your confession, I actually you sound quite trustwordy to me and with the best of intentions.
Although I can understand where her hurt is coming from (the bare truth hurts sometimes), I understand that what you said could have been taken as compliment. After all, you confirmed that what you felt for her was deeper than a mere physical attraction and you also wanted to share and start things in a non deceptive way. I, personally, appreciated your honest attitude.
Anyway, not all of us are ready to hear such things. Maybe, you could to tell her why you shared this "secret" of yours with her and that happened out of the love and respect you have for her. Anyway, there was sort of a previous agreement between the two of you, right?
Good luck to you!
PS. I think the issue here is not about trust. It seems to me that jealousy is talking loud.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): All I can say is that what someone does'nt know won't hurt her.You should have never told her. I would'nt trust you either if you told me you loved me and then told me you had sex with someone else
...............................
|
