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age
41-50,
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writes: Dear Cupid,My Sister in Law and I used to be best friends. I knew about her maritual problems (she had an affair, she talked about divorcing him many times), and she knew mine (my husband always was away 'with other girls hunting', while overprotected over me and not supplying financially). However, her husband initiated a relationship between himself and me. This turned out very wrong as i didnt want to continue, and he became obsessed, and would not back off - i told him i can not do this anymore and i love my husband whom i know loves me to bits. I spilled the beans, and they finished their divorce. My husband forgave me, and also admitted to his adultery. Now this is forcing me to try and be friends with her, but now its been 2 years, and she is still treating me like crap, telling me when my children will be at her childrens party, and when i will babysit her twins, turned all our mutual friends cold towards me etc. Frankly i think ive ''licked her witty ass'' now way too long, especially since i got removed from friend list now too. How long do i just give in, since i think she is enjoying this game and the result over and over?Please try to understand, i know what i have done was evil to say the least, but ive paid the price now for a long time. I did have many chances to cheat before, and because of my values i never did, until then - and i felt rejection, hatred, disrespect, selfdispise, untrustworthy friendships etc. I need to be forgiven, what to do??Please help me.
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affair, best friend, divorce, sister in law Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I thought I was the only one that did such a thing...I unfortunately had the same scenario...I slept with my sis-in-law Husband going about three years ago. My Husband forgave me....(by far the worst thing I have ever done. I never imagined I could do such a thing)her marraige has been off and on.....she will not forgive me either. Sometimes she talks to me and sometimes she looks at me like I am a whore. I aopologized, she was okay for a while but to this day posts terrible things about me on the computer. She also talks bad about her brother for staying with me. I know I tore the entire family apart. The only thing I try to do is stay away, but then they say I am keeping our kids and their brother away. I can't win. They have even gone as far as befriending his ex-wife (they were only together 1 year) we have been together 13 years I believe just to spite me (maybe). I do not know what else to do either. The rest of the family visits and are polite. The only I do is be polite back and try to be as nice as possible when they visit. I do not however want to put myself in a place where I feel uncomfortable unless my Husband asks.(I figure it is the least I can do) I wish I can take it all back but I can't. I can only try to make the right choices from here on out. Is she does not ever forgive me thats between her and God (not me) I honestly (even though it sounds terrible) will not beat myself up about it anymore. I know I did terribly wrong but I also believe I have been forgiven by who counts most. "Let he who has not sined throw the first stone"...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, the truth hurts. To her & myself. Thank you all so much, it definitely clarify alot of questions inside myself & about her - the side i never heard. oh, and yes i did ask for forgiveness, but it was put on hold by her.
Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): I do not think you have any idea just how badly you have betrayed her. This was the ultimate sin. You used her domestic problems against her and you betrayed her marriage. Sometimes there is no going back. So no matter what you do she will never forgive you. And I find it strange that you just expect her too. She may be forced to be civil to you bec you both are SIL's but come on I think you are expecting too much of her. Ease up and have no expectations. You wronged her and now you act like a victim.grow up!
-LoveGirl
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 August 2010):
You need to stop looking for forgiveness from her, because it won't happen. Whilst your marriage was rocky and you did have an affair, you made the mistake of having an affair with someone who was close to you. It doesn't matter that her husband started the affair with you. You were the one who went along with it when you didn't have to. You can't expect her to forgive that you did betray her in a bad way. I don't think she's enjoying what she's doing to you, I think she genuinely feels totally betrayed by you. You need to stop searching for forgiveness from her, because it won't come. Instead, continue to work on your marriage and make sure that's strong. And forgive yourself too. You did screw up, big time. But you're looking for her forgiveness and it's not going to come.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Well, cheating runs in the family. I don't know how you all made out like it was ok, you're the only one who crossed the line and cheated with your brother-in-law...and if you were really best friends then you would've never done that. There is no victim here, you aren't one either. The only right thing you did was tell the truth..and that was the icing on her cake for her divorce, well in a way she should" thank you" because she has been contemplating it.
Have you ever apologized to her? She's probably not going to forgive you for quite awhile unless she's finds her faith again and forgives you in the process. Basically, she's going to keep on punishing you until she thinks you've learned your lesson or are truly sorry. You do understand you not only betrayed her as a best friend, a sister-in-law, and cheated with a very off limits man. Should have resisted your urges and told her about his advances towards you. Sorry but there's nothing you can do to get an apology out of her.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 You've felt the same agonizing emotions you put your sister-in-law through. She too would have felt rejected, she would have felt disrespected by both you, her former best friend and her own husband, she would have never been able to trust anyone easily, so what you need to do is go to her and be ready to let her vent her anger out on you. This is delicate, complicated but still hopeful.
I hope that helps.
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