A
female
age
36-40,
*rokenhearted21
writes:hey pls pls help i had an abortion 4weeks ago and im starting to reget it so much, i had just split up from my ex when i found out and didnt know what to do. part of me wanted the baby but then part of me didnt when i told my ex he said he didnt want anything to do with me or baby, then he basically said we would get back together once id got rid of it. i believed him and went through with it but since then i havnt heard from him and hes changed his number. i feel so lost and feel like i aint got nothing worth living for. i miss him so much and when we were together everything was perfect, i had never felt so loved and cared for i was so happy and now i have nothing :(
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abortion, get back together, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Well, if he's 27, I think an even worse opinion of him.
And I still think you have a lot to live for, like yourself. Don't let him destroy you. You're young and pretty and you'll have someone who will love you for who you are.
A
female
reader, brokenhearted21 +, writes (17 March 2008):
brokenhearted21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies... hes not a bad person though thats the thing...when we were together everything was amazing there is nothing bad to say about the relationship...we split up because towards the end we started arguing and looking back it was around the time i got pregnant so it was obviously my hormones making me moody causing the argements i just wish i knew that at the time...he wasnt to young to accept the responsibilites he is 27... we talked about our future together and everything...i know he only said the things about seeing me again to make sure i got rid of it and at the time i really believed him i had no reason not to he was my world and id do anything for him i just wish id kept it i feel so stupid along with other things
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A
female
reader, sexcbex +, writes (17 March 2008):
 you havent got anything ?? of course you have what about yourself, friends and family ? this is going to be something tough to deal with and you need all the support you can get. my friend who is 16 found out she was pregnant and told her partner he said he wanted nothing to do with either of them so she mentioned abortion and he agreed and said when the baby is gone we will get back together ! she told him she had an abortion and she hasn't heard from him since but she kept the baby and is now 8month pregnant with a little boy. mistakes happen and they cant be turned back obviously he cant have cared about you to be so cruel so try to forget bout him you can do miles better !!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (17 March 2008):
 First let me say that I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. Basically, you have been very badly lied to and let down by this guy, and that hurts terribly, along with losing your baby. I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid it really is true that if a guy decides he wants you to have an abortion, he will say pretty much anything to get you to go ahead with it - but you have absolutely NO guarantee that he will stick to his word, as you've found out (and as also once happened to me, which is why I now know they can be like that). I'm not saying all guys are like that, of course not, but some are very ruthless and selfish when they feel cornered, and some completely freak out at the thought of an 'unwanted' pregnancy.
And now what to do with all those feelings swirling around inside you? (and remember it all seems much worse because your hormones are also going crazy and wondering what's happened - they will settle down, though). I think you need to focus on why you split up in the first place. These were obviously his true feelings - he wanted to split up. That's the first thing you have to deal with. Again, it is so hard (and I know, because I'm also going through the same thing right now) - it is so hard, and so sad, to feel you've lost something that was so wonderful with him, but unfortunately it just doesn't exist any more, because you aren't going to change how he feels. You need to see him for what he is - maybe it felt lovely at the time, but he doesn't care about you now - that's what you have to face. He really doesn't, otherwise he wouldn't have done this to you. So, you have to FORGET HIM. Move on. Find someone genuinely nice. He is not worth it - you sound a lovely, innocent person, and basically he's nowhere near as nice as you and doesn't deserve you. Stuff him! You will find someone who you feel just as loved and cared for with, but who genuinely loves you and sticks by you.
Second thing: post-abortion regrets. I suffered terrible grief for years after I had an abortion, so I know how you feel. Unfortunately you can't do anything apart from forgiving yourself. You didn't think it was the right world to bring your baby into, and he or she knew nothing, and never suffered, so you've almost saved them something - you've saved them the pain of living and dying. That's the only way I can deal with it. And I'm afraid the only real cure is to have another baby - that's the only thing that makes me feel better, anyhow. Maybe you should even think about something like talking with a priest or other religious person who would be sympathetic, and even getting a small headstone or memorial for the baby - that helps, because then he or she is recognised as a real person who's been lost, and you can deal with that. I dont know. Just an idea.
You need your friends and family right now, and to find another guy - maybe that will take your mind off all this. You need some love and sympathy, and someone to make you smile again. Believe in it - he is out there. Go find him, and have another baby, and honestly, you will feel ok, and happy, again.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (17 March 2008):
My dear, I guess that the first part of advice you need has to do with how to make sense of this situation.
Your ex sounds like an awful guy. He had sex with you, and was your boyfriend, but he was only interested in the pleasant part of being with you, not in the responsibilities. If he loved you, he would have never left you in this situation. He would have become responsible for this baby and you. He ran away because he doesn't really love you.
Not only was he irresponsible and uncaring; he was also a liar. He knew he was in a tight spot, he knew you loved him, and he pulled your strings to evade his responsibility. He knew he wouldn't go back to you, no matter what; he was just trying to see whether he could get away with it. And he did. And now he has dumped you.
As I see it, you're better off without him. If he had stayed, your relationship would be abusive on his part. And you need someone who will stand up for you, not someone who will desert you the minute things are not easy.
I know this is hard, and I can only imagine how you're feeling, but you need to keep going. You have a lot to live for, and that is yourself. You have a whole life to live and a world to discover. Don't let him destroy you. You're too valuable for that.
Don't try to avoid the difficult feelings. Instead, try to digest them, so that you fully move on from them and can start over with someone else, who won't be as mean as this young man.
Maybe you could benefit from talking face to face to someone who can help you with your grief. Is there anyone out there for you?
My heart is with you.
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Hi brokenhearted
I guess we can all feel your pain, your young and have had to go through alot for you age, but you have your whole life ahead of you dear and I am sure its a case of you ex b/f was too young for this aswell & didn't want to settle down.
You have not lost everthing, you just need to go down another path,your lost cause your head is full of the things you have had to deal with, but you have come through it and it will make you stronger, do not dwell on the past dear, make new plans, be good to yourself, and you will get through this.
Take care
Mawh x
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