A
male
age
36-40,
*agami
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we both love each other but we may have personality conflicts. She has a lot of trouble understanding me and a lot of the time we're not on the same page. This is frustrating especially since in my last relationship, my ex understood me completely. It ended because she was selfish and would never appreciate anything I did for her. Also she would rarely admit that she loved me and when she did it was rarely sincere but mostly like she was losing a battle. I love my current girlfriend but I can't help but miss that level of understanding. Simple arguments take longer than they should to resolve simply because we're rarely on the same page. It also causes her stress that she doesn't understand me after 2 years. I try and compromise most of the time but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a child. Especially when I have to explain things about myself repeatedly. I base my actions around her on what I remember about her so we limit any conflicts. Problem is she rarely remembers many things about me or should I say she never remembers when it matters. This causes me to get annoyed which she notices, and assumes I don't want to spend time with her. Then I have to explain what caused my annoyance which seems repetitive after a while.Here's a summary of my personality:AlertObservantAnalyticalQuick to develop solutions based on what I know. (My past experiences)Don't like to waste time or opportunities.I remember little details about the people I care for.I learn from and own up to my mistakes.Can get moody at times but tries to never take it out on those close to me. (I give fair warning when I'm in a bad mood.)I look for love, loyalty, respect, and a positive attitude. Also romance and sexual openness (Someone not afraid to be sexual.)I love strong, confident women who are not afraid to show off they're beauty or sexiness once in a while. Someone who pays attention and understands me.I can be very difficult to please of you don't understand me. Here's a summary of my girlfriends personality:TimidAfraid to make confident decisionsSecond guesses herselfNot very observant (Has her moments)Tries to solve problems but usually goes in the wrong direction and rarely sticks to a solution.Has trouble remembering minor details.Slow to respond when there's a problem.Loyal, loves openly (no mind games), always wants to please those she cares for.Confident in appearance but rarely shows off in a sexy manor.Can get defensive at times (only time her responses are quick:P)Usually makes negative assumptions.Appreciates loving gestures, easy to please.I love her very much and honestly want her in my life for as long as possible but is our personality too different to fit together?
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (24 February 2010):
 It sounds like you are going through something that me and my partner are going through right now. We are both rather ambitious people, and the fact that we have very strong career aspirations bind us together. It's something that's hard to find in another person, not to mention we are both rather loyal and we do in fact, love each other. However, there are rather stark differences in our personalities and how we think. I am NEVER on the same page as he is. Whenever he says something, I take it as completely different to what he really means. This results in unnecessary conflict, and an extra hour or so trying to get back on the same tracks. We have rather different personalities like you and yours. The thing is, you have to stop comparing this girl to your ex. She isn't your ex. She's an entirely different human being, and by the sounds of it, a better one. Sounds like she treats you with respect and she appreciates you, which is far more important than a little extra effort in understanding each other.
I know it's difficult not to compare past experiences, but it's just a waste of time. At this moment in time, you aren't with a girl who is a perfect blend of both your ex and your current, which is damn near impossible. The thing about having a relationship is that it involves two people, which means there will always be some sort of conflict along the road. In order to attempt to get past these vast differences, you honestly need to sit your girlfriend down and talk. Discuss why you two have such problems landing on the same page. Maybe when you two are 'arguing', perhaps take a few moments to cool down and calmly state what you think. Sometimes in order to understand what another person is saying, repetition is necessary, especially when you two don't have the same style as far as thinking and conveying feelings are concerned. It bothers my boyfriend so much when he has to repeat himself when we argue, but what am I supposed to do? Either accept what he says the first time or call him a liar? Every point needs to be argued. If she isn't getting it one way, say it another.
The thing about different personalities is that there has to be a motivation to stay together. Do you want to stay with this girl? Every couple has issues, but this one is a bit difficult. If you see that the struggle is worth it, the rewards are awesome. My boyfriend and I are opposites in a lot, and because of that, he has definitely taught me how I can improve in my weaknesses. I do the same for him. So if you can honestly say that you think that this relationship is worth the potential headaches, then yes, different personalities can match as long as similar core values are shared. The trip is just a little harder, and a little more rewarding when it works out. So STOP thinking about your ex when it comes to this stuff. There is a reason why that didn't work out, and maybe it was also because you were too similar. There is no personal progression in dating yourself. ;) Good luck!
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