A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry in advance if this gets long. I've been in a relationship (if you want to call it that) with this guy for the past two and a half years. I found out about eight months into it that he had a girlfriend but I stuck around in the hopes that someday he'd leave her for me. Stupid, I know, but with so many emotions involved, I just couldn't let go and I felt like he wouldn't let me. Six months ago, I met somebody new and since then, the relationship I had started to die down but again, I never completely let him go because of how deeply involved we were. Everytime I tell myself that I'm going to forget about him and move on, he comes running back and I forget about everything. I found out a few weeks ago that him and his girlfriend were planning to get married next month, but I couldn't say anything because I had found out by logging into his social network account behind his back. I was angry and ended things, only to end up at his house again the other night. While he was in the shower, I went to grab a t-shirt from his closet to sleep in and somehow my eye wandered to the table next to the closet and I saw an enveloped from our county's courthouse. I looked at it again and realized that it was a marriage license. I confronted him about it and he apologized over and over saying that he didn't think he needed to tell me. I had called him a liar and told him that nobody would go apply for a marriage license without a plan, and that it wasn't something so small as going to the grocery store that he didn't have to tell me. Our last conversation had ended with him telling me to be pissed at him, and that I was right. I said fine and we haven't spoke since. My problem now is that I can't stop thinking about it. He's hurt me in so many ways since I've met him, you would think that it'd be easy for me to move on, but it's not. Part of me feels guilty for dwelling on it when I have somebody who loves me and has treated me far better than this guy ever did. I honestly think that I'm going to be stuck on this forever, and I don't want that because I'll never be able to move forward in a relationship with anybody else. I'm already starting to feel myself doubting things with the new guy, getting paranoid thinking about if he's cheating on me too or not. I would love to say that he'd never do anything like that to me, but I also felt that way about the old guy once and look how that turned out.
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male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (6 October 2010):
 First off, I hope I don't sound harsh or hurtful, but this is what I hear you saying:
For nearly 2 years you were in a relationship with guy #1, you thought things were great until 8 months ago when you found out that he has a girlfriend.
Then, 6 months ago, you meet guy #2.
The next six months is a scenario whereas while you are cheating WITH guy #1, you are cheating ON guy #2.
Then, you find that dude #1 is getting married, and that set you off.
I'm also sure that if his fiance found out about you, she'd be a little put off also. Being this is about you, we wont really consider her in this forum, however, in your mind, you very well should!
Now, you're in a situation where you can't forget about him, and you're starting to see guy #2 as a possible cheater.
Believe me. What you are going through is going to effect things with #2. While you are going through all of this, he is going to be wondering what's wrong. He'll ask, and you'll say "nothing". In his mind, he will know better. He will poke and prod. He is going to be going through some hell right along with you! You certainly can't come clean with him, he'll run like a beaten pup. You might try the "I need some time" routine, and maybe he'll go for it.
Other than time, I have no idea what to say to help you get over guy #1, or how to save things with guy #2.
All I can do is ask. Have you learned anything about how cheating can affect SO MANY peoples lives and that nothing good comes from it?
A
male
reader, Viajante  +, writes (6 October 2010):
Wait, you started dating a guy who already had a girlfriend and thought he would never hurt you? Does that sound a little weird or is it just me?
Now seriously, it will only hurt you if you let it hurt you. You should have let him go when you found a new boyfriend. It will be double hard for you because you'll have it hide it from your new bf, but be strong and everything will turn out for the better.
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