A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I haven't dated in over 17 years and I don't want to be alone forever.I was nearly killed in a car accident when I was 24(I'm 41 now).I was a bodybuilder at the time,which doctors say probably saved my life.I was drunk(.33)4 times the limit.I never have and never will forgive myself for what I put my family through with my drinking.Anyway,I had to have 14 surgeries and I was in the hospital 6 months.Took about a year to walk again without a cane or anything.My accident left me with a bad limp,a paralized right arm,no ankle bone(no flex in my feet) and horrible scars.I have a rod in both legs and pins in my hip,which bother me from time to time,arthritis I guess.I know I shouldn't be self concious about how I look now compared to before,but I do.Anyone would to a certain degree,for awhile anyway.I'm better with it now,because I'm still alive.I have so many reasons not to date.Of course there's the body stuff,but nothing I can do about that.I've never been in a healthy relationship.ALL the women I dated my whole life cheated and/or lied to me.I never saw it coming with any of them and they were all so different,so it can't be the "type"of women I choose,at least I don't think so.The most important thing is I no longer trust people.I know without trust,you can't have a relationship.I'm also clingy,needy and jealous.Those kill relationships,I know.In addition to that,there's sex.I know sex is not the most important thing,but let's be honest,it is important.I'm very limited in what I can do.I can't bend my left knee that much,I have no ankles to get leverage and my paralized arm hurts anytime I do anything face down,so I can't be on top.My meds make it very difficult to maintain an erection,but there's Viagra for that.Then there's penis size.I've always made up for my size by being the best I can be at everything else and as a few people say,it's how you use it.I used to always find a way to use it better.Being with a woman who preferred a big penis,I'd just zip up and leave feeling horrible,until I got with someone I could kind of please.Another problem is my hip.I'm not sure,even if she's on top,if my hip can handle a lot of thrusting.One other problem is that I live with my grandmother.She's 85 and the rest of my family doesn't care about her.I'm all she has and even though she gets around pretty well,I can't leave her here alone too long.Do you think there's a woman alive who could deal with ALL this?And with basically no sex,how would she be able to go without it.I'm not saying all women just have to have it,I'm saying after a long time of the same crap,people want to feel something.Well after all that,about the only good thing I can say is I'm an honest guy and I'm always nice,unless you give me a reason not to be.
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drunk, erection, grandmother, jealous, limp, penis size, viagra Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (6 October 2009):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question Lazy Guy,you must be perfect and never make mistakes.You can't assume you know what I would do if I met a woman with no breats.I am alot of things,but shallow ain't one of them.I would happily date a woman with no breats or anything else as long as she treated me right,and yes I would have dated her before my accident.Drinking and driving does not mean I'm not a nice guy.Heck,if anything,I'm too nice!
To everyone else,thanks for your advice!
A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Lazy guy, wow.. People make mistakes. Drinking and driving does NOT make someone a bad person! It means they're human.. they drank, didn't think clearly, got behind the wheel, and this man has spent the last couple of decades paying for that mistake! He doesn't need you here telling him he's a "bad boy" and has to pay for it. He is, has been, and always will. I certainly hope you're perfect because only then do you have the right to judge so harshly.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 October 2009):
Okay, regardless of what people say like Lazy Guy, about a bad choice you made in the past--ignore it. It happened 17 years ago and obviously you've had to deal with some serious issues and paid for the consequences.
Yes, there are women that would date you. However, you have to be happy and accepting of yourself before someone can see you for YOU. Most of what you talked about was sexual problems, and yes, it can be an issue, but if someone truly cares about you they can work through them with you. I think you should just really work on rebuilding your confidence and letting your guard down as far as trusting people. Yes, there are people that out there that you can't trust, but there are also people that you can trust and we have to find out the hard way...by actually getting to know them. It would be easier if people just laid it all out to let you know with, " Hi, I'm such and such and I lie, cheat, and steal, I'm also probably not worth your time." Unfotunately things aren't that way. Just be yourself, recognize your good qualities, be nice to people, and put yourself out there. What do you have to lose?
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Not many. Your a bad boy and women love that, but you also show the reality of being a bad boy. A crippled body.
Don't try the nice guy routine, nice guys don't drink and drive.
You could try the reformed bad boy routine and get some bleeding heart who is looking for a cause.
It sounds all pretty harsh but hey, that is live. Reality is that men and women got a pretty clear image of what they want a in a relationship and it tends to include a working penis and two breasts. Would you have chosen a woman before your accident who had a breast amputation because of cancer?
Oh, maybe... if you fell deeply in love with her before you knew... but really, if you saw a woman with just one breast would you approach her with the intent of finding out what kind of person she is inside?
We like to pretend we would, but we don't.
Yes, there might be someone out there for you but you know your own chances best by honestly answering, "would you have dated a woman with your types of injuries before your accident?"
Some people can honestly say "yes". But not all of us. I couldn't. Perhaps that makes me an awful human being, but at least I don't drink and drive.
Don't expect to much sympathy for a guy who claims to be nice when he didn't care who else he would kill or injure when he got into his car.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): I would put up with all of that. It's more important to me to be treated well. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who are like me. You just have to open up and find someone. If you shut people out, they will assume you won't them and they won't even try.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Alcoholism is an escape. You drank because you were unhappy with yourself. You appear to still be unhappy with yourself.
Start slowly. Invest in yourself by joining clubs and groups where you are likely to socialize with like-minded people who share the same interests. Do all you can do to make yourself happy.
Join a social group (or start one) for people with their aged relatives. You can go on outings with people in similar circumstances and allow your grandmother to socialize with people her own age, too.
From that will come confidence.
Confidence attracts women; not the ability to bend an ankle, or how many sexual positions you can engage in. This is why insecurity and jealousy have not worked for you in the past; those emotions come from a lack of confidence.
Be the kind of man that an emotionally stable and happy woman would enjoy being with and you will attract that kind of woman.
Between Viagra, sex toys and creativity, your physical limitations become a non-issue. Not all women have high sex drives, and you may find one that wants more emotional nurturing than sex. You may find that, upon the development of a strong and healthy emotion bond, the limitations you feel you have with regards to sex, are a non-issue.
Good luck and don’t give up!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 October 2009):
There are some women who can, yes. so don't give up. You need to give yourself and them time to get to know you. there are some great women out there can handle this. Give yourself time and get to know a woman before really getting serious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I am a woman who doesn't just look at the person physically, but does have to offer in other aspects of life. As of right now, you don't need to be in a relationship. Not because of your physical appearance, but everything you have going on inside. I read your post carefully and you have to deal with those issues before you can get into a relationship. In order to have a healthy relationship, you must first be a healthy person. If you are clingy, needy, jealous, and have trust issues, then its not the women. ITS YOU! Women don't find that attractive anymore than men do. Before you try to get into a relationship, get some counseling and get yourself together. Then when you have tackled your issues, then you can enjoy a healthy relationship dispite your physical appearance. She will love you for who you are on the inside, not the outside.
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