A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is threatening to obliterate intimacy with my fiance. Since I was little, my family was always clear that sex was a dirty thing, a sin and just given into for the purpose of procreation. I understand why my mother had the attitude that sex was dirty; she was sexually abused as a child and proceeded to have just one other sexual partner (my biological father). My mother has been single since I was born, and as far as I am aware, has had been sexually inactive all this time. Sorry to go into so much detail, I am just letting you all know how deep this distaste for all things sex-related runs.) add to this the fact that my mother was not very open about sex or bodies when I was growing up. I never had a chance to develop a normal attitude to it. I have orgasms when I masturbate, but I usually have to fantasise about something disgusting and downright off-putting to actually climax and it is now making me feel awful, as I just want to be able to climax when making love with my fiance, who clearly loves me. how do i fix this? am i eternally screwed up? I physically cannot climax, no matter how good everything feels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for your responses. It's so great to hear that I am not abnnormal for feeling this way. I will look into seeing a therapist.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I recommend seeing a therapist for this. It's good to know that you understand that you shouldn't feel this way. I don't know if there is anything that I can say that will actually help you get through this.
Hope you can find help so that you and your husband to be can have the healthy sex life that you deserve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): "am i eternally screwed up"No.There is hope and you will get there. But, take care of yourself, let your fiance know, and get professional help.http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933Understand what happened to your mother, and a lot of other women. It will help you understand yourself.My wife had the same problem, but she had been molested, raped, sex was dirty and something you did when you were drunk/high with someone who didn't matter. She never told me, till we were married for nearly 20 years.I'd nearly left her because I thought she must not want me. Finally, pressed to the wall she began to talk, we had been in counseling for several months before she would talk openly. She started having orgasms with me literally the same week that she started cracking that door open. We go to counseling still. She has a lot to deal with, no exaggeration, we spend a minimum of around 6 hours a week working on this and have for a long time, but she's worth it.
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