A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 years old I know that I don't have the greatest self esteem, and I've never had a boyfriend ever. All of my friends have had someone who is willing to be in a relationship with them and call them their girlfriend. I have never had that, no one has ever told me they enjoyed my company or thought I was worth being around. Last year I met a guy who I worked with who I really liked, who I thought at the time liked me too, he never officially asked me on a date but would text me to hang out we hung out one night I had so much fun with him we ended up having sex that night, later I found out I was pregnant. We talked and both decided that it was best to take care of it and have the procedure which he was there for me, drove me to my appointment and held me for over an hour that day, I thought he was my friend someone who was there for me, he made me feel like one of those girls who was deserving of having a boyfriend someone who cared how they felt, that I was sad to have to be in the position to give up a child. Leading up to the appointment he would say things like I was lazy, I was depressed I chose to stay in my apartment because I was just to weak to handle what was happening, truth I was sad, it did make me feel bad that I had the task of going through with something like that. He said he would be there for me, he went home to visit his family for two weeks and assured me he would call me upon his return, after that two weeks I never heard from him, I called him when he was back and he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. I was crushed, I felt so strongly about him, but to him I was nothing he accused me of getting pregnant on purpose. He said I forced myself on him and that I was truly disgusting, my heart hurts daily when I think about it I try to be strong, but I have no one and I literally mean no one to talk to. I know I am worthless and not worth being with him, but I want to try so badly to move on after him and somehow gather the strength to be on my own and be proud to be me, I just don't know how to even try any suggestions would be so appreciated.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 July 2012):
 To be blunt, the guy you slept with is emotionally abusive and an immature jerk. Why would you get prenant on purpose only to have to endure an abortion?
We all make poor choices. Your choice in this guy was not a very good one. There are men out there who will respect you for who you are. Don't give up...they are out there.
You're not "worth" being with him? I think it is the other way around. He is WORTHLESS and not WORTHY of being with you. How can you not see what a low-life this guy is? Good grief, if he would have tried to kill you would you be saying the same thing?
You need to stay away from this person and any of his friends. Do not call, text, or email. Write him COMPLETELY out of your life. Get back on your feet again, get out of your apartment, and start doing things you enjoy doing. Go to a concert, go for a walk, volunteer somewhere, etc, and try to remember and strengthen the person you were before this terrible incident. You can do it. This goes without saying, but please do not sleep with anyone in the future until you know more about him.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 July 2012):
 This guy you found is a spineless nematode. You do not want him. You do not need him. An amoeba has more spine on him than this guy.
He said this stuff to you because he could get away with it. Most women would have laughed him out of any society for saying that you forced yourself onto him. Seriously now, unless you're dating a 12 year old, this guy wanted sex from you. He wanted it, he was sexually aroused, and he ejaculated inside of you. With all of the guys who want sex and are unable to perform even when they're willing, this guy who claims that you forced yourself onto him has the gall to try that out after HE ejaculated. Had you forced yourself onto him, he would have been soft and unable to ejaculate. That is, unless you forced Viagra down his throat.
No, he's running from responsibility, and you represent his failure, which is why he's trying to belittle you and tell spineless lies. You must stop contacting him and chasing after him.
As for your feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, in your case, it's extremely dangerous. People like this guy take advantage of this, and you aren't fighting back. You must go talk to someone professional about this, because there are deep issues that are not only causing you to feel this way, but to such an extreme that this feeling is causing you to put yourself at risk for pregnancy, disease, financial loss, even illegal activities, because there are guys out there who will prey on your state of mind.
I'm not going to pep talk you out of these feelings you have for yourself, because your emotional response would be to deny it and make excuses on why you have to retreat back into your feelings of worthlessness. The truth is, you're actually indulging these feelings when you don't have to.
You need to fight these feelings. You need to see yourself a different way. You're an adult human female, and the fact that you've had friends and a boyfriend shows that you can attract people, so your brain and your emotions are lying to you. You can't play victim, because the person playing victim can get pregnant and be taken advantage of more than anyone.
You chose to have sex with someone who wanted to. You can choose not to have sex. You have friends, because you say that your friends have had boyfriends. Truth is, your victim mentality has warped your emotions into believing that you're actually needing to be "worth" something to this human garbage of a guy, when honestly, he's the one that is worthless.
You have to fight against that victim mentality like an alcoholic fights the bottle or a heroin addict fights the needle. It will not be easy. You should get help or support, and you have to choose every day that you will never indulge feelings of worthlessness, no matter what. This whole episode shows that you're needing help. Believe that you are worth getting help, believe that this guy must never have the privilege of either touching you or hearing a single kind word or plea from you ever again, and do what it takes. It's easy to say "no one wants me". It's not easy to say "I'm worth loving someone and being truly loved in return".
So, do you have the courage to pull out of this, get help, and throw the victim mentality into the garbage along with this worthless dung pile of a man?
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