A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married 3 months, we live 2gether for 5 years and we were ok I though,but something always seemed missing,but we were so busy planning a new house and the wedding I never really asked myself what was wrong. Just 3 weeks before the wedding a guy that I liked but denied starting to talk to me and we got on so well, but could not back out of the wedding at that stage cause I would hurt so many people. We went ahead with the day, but was a bit depressed as it was not the guy I wanted to see at the alter, I have really fallen in love with this other guy and he loves me too, we are in touch all the time, and the arguements with my husband as constant, cause I am very down all the time and distant, I don't know what to do or feel, I want to leave my husband for myself as I cannot get feelings for him, as for the other guy, I can't say we will work out I know but cant help how I feel for him, I need advise, my husband says im being selfish, am I? I feel traped and alone......help
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I can totally understand how you may feel. What I feel has happened is that you have such a strong attraction for the new guy that your husband doesn't stand a chance to do anything right..e.g. appearance, personality, attitude. Basically everything your husband will do will start to bother you, wich is probably all stemming from what you may now see as what the new guy doesn better. It is normal to feel an attraction to other people sometime or another throughout your life married or not, but its how far one may go with those feelings and thoughts that is was starts to cause situations like yours. I love my husband to death and think he is one of the most handsome, intelligent, family men around me, BUT there has been that one that has came across on a day him and I had a disagreement and said "you don't look yourself..are you ok" and I'm thinking to myself "it's only because your frustrated right now, that makes you wanna say...."no I'm not myself...would you like to go out and talk about it"...LOL..BY THE NEXT DAY when everything is completely fine between my husband and I...the last thing on my mind is that other man. If your full focus isnt on your life partner, then they will seamingly always be in the wrong or not be right for you...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Hi, Its hard the above comments were harsh, that proves the world has changed that divorce or an anulment is common practice these days.
It simply might be wedding nerves, you probably werent ready to take that final step, as you said you were busy with the new house, and the wedding plans that you had no time to tink. You had to have loved this man to have been with him for 5yrs. I think you shoul take a little holiday and unwind, as for the other guy, well look you only liked him. Take the holiday and then put everything on hold and give your marraige a few months, and put everything thing you can into it, honestly and wantingly.
And after that time frame if you feel the same way, then you have your answer, leave.
But what if after a few months you realise that you love this man still and that it was the jitters of giving up your single life.
We are faced with difficult choices everyday, and its easier to take the easy option, like driving your car theres a person on the road in your way, the easy way would be to knock them down, or the other way to go round them.
Take your time, you are young. give it a chances, who said love was easy? you've gotto work hard at love.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 You will never be able to repair your marriage, if you even want to, while you're carrying on with Romeo. Of course you're arguing with your husband too, he's being cheated from a real wife and he realizes something is missing. What's missing is your participation in the marriage.
It's time to make a choice. If you were that easily swayed form your marriage, you were most likely, never really in love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): You sound really confused to me. First off I would suspect a guy who approached me right before the wedding to tell me he loves me, where the heck was he way before then? He does not respect the sanctity of marriage, whereas your husband does.
If you are fighting alot, try turning away from the other man, and turn towards your husband instead and work on your realtionship....you may just be having a common thing that happens to immature people, buyer's remorse....now your life seems to planned out and you miss the excitement and rush of the beginning stages of love, which by the way is nothing more than lust.
Ask yourself why you fell in love and married your husband in the first place? Sounds to me like you just had a position to fill and it wasn't that important to you who filled it.
Love is not a feeling, you don't need to get feelings for your husband to tell you that you are in love. Love is a decision, a concious choice to BE Loving and Worthy of Love. It has action behind it, it puts your lover's needs ahead of your own through actions and words and the loving feelings you talk about come from that and knowing that your partner is your partner and should be cherished at every opportunity......all of these are verbs, not nouns....like feelings, other guy, wedding, unhappy, in love.....these are just the icing, dig a little deeper and figure out what kind of cake you want, because as they say you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Get a divorce or maybe you can get an annulment since you have only been married for three months. It was a stupid mistake but people make the same one every day. You are hardly trapped just take care of business and start over.
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