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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been friends with a guy for about a year and 8 months now. We don't get to see each other too often anymore, what with university and everything. But 10 months ago, we were at picnic/party thing with some other friends we don't really see that often, and were sharing a hotel room together. We were both VERY drunk, and although we were usually very affectionate and comfortable with each other (like hugging, holding hands etc), it was different in that hotel. And then, somehow, we started kissing, and it all got quite heavy, although we didn't have sex. We didn't talk about it the next day, but the exact same thing has happened every time we've seen each other since. We still don't talk about it. I don't know what's going on. It's not awkward, or anything like that, but when we're with other people, it's like we have to...I don't know, NOT do the same holding hands and cuddling we used to, in case...well, I don't even know WHAT it's in case of. He's not using me, because that's not him at all. He's genuinely one of the nicest guys I know. I just want advice on getting him to talk about it, or where you think we stand in terms of being a couple/just being friends. Obviously, this has gone on half as long as we've known each other. It HAS to mean something, even just "friends with benefits". Thanks.
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female
reader, Dearpaula +, writes (1 June 2006):
 hi
this is a tough one, because if you push him into a corner he may say nothing. He may back off. It obviously does mean something and it sounds like he makes excuses to get close to you. He can have an excuse that he was drunk for instance. This doesnt really help you, as you want answers. You could bring it into conversation in s jokey type way by sayin what a crazy night the other night was. You could say you enjoyed it. You have to be careful here as you could potentially make him think you thought it was crazy in a negative way. You need answers and you know your friend well so judge for yourself the best way of approaching this, but i would be careful of forcing him into talking to you, as men do not like being forced to talk about their feelings. However, if it keeps going on, you will eventually get sick of trying to hide it from your friends etc and you may find yourself growing resentful.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Just tell him straight, its likely hes thinking the same thing and doesnt know how to approach you about it!! Thats Generally the way! Arrange a time when the two of you can have a chat, maybe go out for a drink, just the one though hey!! tee hee and see how goes. Hes probably been looking for the right time, but its never cropped up. Take the plunge, you never know what might happen!
Take care
x
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Hey there
Well sweetie this is a toug one getting a man to talk about emotions and feelings at times can be like pulling teeth...lol but honey as my good friend yos has already said i would also tell him that you actually wanna talk about this an get things back to how they used be rather than starained with is certainly how things sound.... arrange a time and place thats good for both of you and openly talk things through its the only way forwards otherise things will just continue like this and thats a real pity as you used to get on so well.. explain exactly how your feeling about this and how you value his friendship etc and you miss what you used to have before what happened happened then i'm sure you two will sort this out....
good luck
I hope my advice helped you, please feel free to email me if you need a chat or just a little more advice ok.... I'm here for you any time.
You Take Care Sweetie Ok X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2006): Just fling your arms around him and say 'I Love you'
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 My advice is very simple. Tell him directly that you want to talk about 'it'. Arrange a time, a place, just the two of you, and make sure that he is aware that you are going to discuss this. Then bite the bullet and start talking.
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A
female
reader, ask paige +, writes (1 June 2006):
 well i think that he obviously likes you and he is putting off "the talk" and most guys dont like to express there feelings because its the same with men as it is with women because if you told him how you felt you mabey worried that he may run away from your feelings and mabey that is what he feels about you you may run away from his feelings so i suggest that you ask him to have the talk and say how you really feel and then he will say how he really feels about you and i cant say where you are with him so when you have the talk you finnaly will know where u stand good luck paige xx
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Maybe he soesn't want to spoil the friendship which is why it hasn't gone further and you don't talk about it? If you're both single and you're not hurting anyone, maybe it could turn into something else but..... what if either of you meet someone new? Then it will stop and you'll still not have talked about it. You'll be left with unanswered questions. If you could meet him alone and not wait for the next group event, it may help to talk about it sober and out of the situation? If you wait until the inevitable 'next time', it might be too awkward to broach the subject then. Or try the old fashioned way...write him a letter. Explain how you feel; your doubts, worries, confusions, feelings and tell him how much you value his friendship and feel comfortable with him. If you're prepared to be open and honest, don't expect that he will be too, but give him a try, he may surprise you.
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