A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:met a guy (new one) back in december. i really liked him and things were going good! i was a little insecure with his ex and stuff and i kept bringing it up initially i put him down too as a result because my ex cheated on me…i thought he too will or can be a playboy with me. Nature has it I had to visit his city (cali) and he lived 10 minutes away from the place iw as going to, I told him I was there solely to see family so I can see you for 10 minutes or so, he came and it was amazing! We immediately were attracted to one another. immediate chemistry and smiles. he came to c me 2 weeks l8r n we had anal sex as I prefer that. I went to cali to see him a 3 times and stayed for 4 days….again the first two times I visited we did nto have vaginal intercourse. This last time I went, (6 months into the relationship) we had vaginal sex (5 months into it) and it was magical, i fell in love with him all over again. .friday afternoon i went out with him and his cousin and he used to smoke before but i have chest tightening around smokers and so I asked him if he can quit. so he stopped smoking and went through classic withdrawals. So FRIDAY we went out for lunch and i drank wine and had a shot of tequila (I usually don’t drink this is the 2nd time in 26 yrs I hav gotten drunk). he asked me while i was drunk "if u drink, can i have a ciggaretter" and i don't remember and i said YES and so after my shot i went out and is aw him smoking and I went ballsitic around him and his cousin (his brother left at this time) and i slapped I'm 6-8 times and cursed Him out. he was trying to prevent me from running away and grabbed my coat and missed and ended up grabbing my hair and pulled me to the car and let me in. in theprocess my hand by accident hit his cousin sister and she instigated even mre it wasn't even deliberate! we went to hotel and we both cried for literally 40 minutes. and after crying he said he can't believe he touched me and he said i promised you id always keep you happy and he said he fucked up and i said look had i not flipped u wouldn't have done it. and we called truce, and both just calmed down and discussed it…later that night we had sex and everything was fine nothing was wrong we woke up sunday (day of my flight) and we had sex in morning but it was like he dint want to bc he was tired? idk and he dropped me to airport we parked car hugged and discussed we will move past this moment...everythign was good for a few days and then he had to leave cali to go to texas for an interview so I didn’t speak to him much the next day after the interview I heard from him and i decided to tell him "honey, i cannot get over the fact that i saw you smoking and i cannot trusty ou bc of it can you help me?" and he goes I CANT be with someone like you "you're right this isn't going to work" i neverrrr said anything about it being done... i knew something was up and thought to myself he just let me leave CA thinking stuff was nice to ditch me in the end. and so he told me its over if you love me as much as you say you do, just hang up and leave me alone. so i said okay i swallowed my pride bc he always said i don't listen o him (with regards to bringing his ex past stories up) and so i hung up 11pm at night he calls saying he got the job and he was in bed sleeping too and we usually sleep every night together on the phone. he told me i got the job i said honey congrats and i said I'm proud of you and stuff and he said baby can we please sleep. and i thought OMG he said baby! we are back! and so i began to say i love you a lot (i was hoping he would tell me he didn't mean what he said), and he goes god see can you just please sleep. and so i muted the phone and went to sleep. he said he'd call me in the morning today. he didn't call all day and then i decided okay ill call at 2pm so i did and he was cleaning and said I have to move to texas (for the job) so i am doing some stuff and have a lot to do he is moving on 28th. and i said okay. i tried to speak with him and try to c if he wanted me at all and he said he needs his space and said he needs to be alone. the thing is when he was in HS he was a basketball player, some girl broke his heart and out of depression he lost a college scholarship for not doing good on the court. so i believe he feels that because of me he won't do good in this job and would rather leave me behind. so he told me can you do me a favor? i said leave you alone he goes yeah. i said okay and i said ill disappear he said can u at least give me your # if you change it, i think he wants it because of perhaps hooking me up to a job if he can. i feel so hurt i slept with him and didn't even get to enjoy my moment. he just tossed me out. i never ever ever do stupid shit like this I was drunk n stupid and he knows I was (or I hope he does?). truth is, when this guy was broke and had nothing i was there to support him and helped him type up stuff and now he has a job he don't need me. he is working in TX and his ex lives around there (next state), I am scared hell be with her and now im even thinking hes ggoing to his cousins wedding this weekend, what if he meets a girl there? All these crazy thoughts are running through my head. I know hes busy right now but I cannot help buyt think what if he forgot me? I messed up. Maybe in another week ill write him an email but idk what to say?! Guys this guy is a great person, I just want to know how I can fix it. I have not yet contacted him and I wont because I am respecting his wishes I just need some positive thoughts.
View related questions:
anal sex, cheated on me, cousin, drunk, fell in love, his ex, I love you, insecure, my ex, player, swallow, vagina, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (23 May 2012):
 If you two are long distance, I find it weird that you are trying to get him to stop smoking for your smoking allergy. Addicts, even plain old cigarette addicts, need to quit at their own pace in their own time, and their backsliding shouldn't be interpreted as a reflection of their being inconsiderate towards you (particularly if he actually did consider your feelings by asking if it was okay to smoke), it's really best to accept that you're with the person you're with than to try to change something that feels very much a part of their personality. He probably feels like you're trying to micromanage/change him too much, and after the altercations you had as a result of him smoking, and then you pressing him further on it, he probably felt like that was enough drama for one thing. I would drop all issues involving his cigarette use, I have tried with my fellow smokers and it only results in their resentment, even if they're the ones that ask for help quitting to begin with.
|
