A
female
age
30-35,
*exa11
writes:My husband and I got married 9 months ago, I was 4 months pregnant. I'm 20 and he is 28. When we first met, we had a passionate loving relationship. Once I started showing he didn't seem interested in sex anymore, we only had sex about 5 times since I turned 5 months pregnant. I had my daughter in january, I'm back to my normal weight and I have to almost beg him to sleep with me. He seems emotionally checked out, he never kisses me, or wants to sleep with me. When other people check me out he gets mad like its my fault, yet he still won't be the loving husband he should be. Am I doing something wrong? I feel so alone and rejected, he says he loves me but I have found emails from dating sites and craigslist (which he claims are spam), he also defended his friendship with his ex wife, he didn't want to tell her he was married with a child, I had to tell her. I feel so alone and so rejected, I have been thinking about divorce.. A lot. I don't know what to do anymore, help?
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 May 2012):
 You'll probably be much happier when you dump this guy... He sounds a lot like a user....
A
female
reader, lexa11 +, writes (23 May 2012):
lexa11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe asked to marry me when I found out I was pregnant, I put it off as long as I could, so I finally did get married. Even after we married he talked to her, so I finally told her we were married with a child, I don't know if they still talk.. He took of his email off of his phone when he found out that was where I would find the dirt on him. So basically, he did marry me to "do the right thing". He had already told me he loved me though, not that it means anything. To this day if I try to be intamite with him he'll push me off and tell me to stop. He always says he's tired, and I understand that maybe for a few days he will tell me no, but not a month or 2 at a time. People always say maybe work is stressing him, because he is in the military, but I too am in the military. He barley helps me with our daughter, he has only watched her about 4 or 5 nights since she was born 4 months ago. He will get better and help when I tell him I want a divorce, he will become loving for a few days then things go back to being the same. I feel so alone and rejected, I want my daughter to have her father but he seems so out of the picture, I feel like I should just do it alone anyways. I have tried talking to him about it, he short answers everything and says he doesn't understand why I'm so mad at him. Its so frustrating!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 May 2012):
 did you guys get married because you were pregnant? or were you planning to marry anyway?
IF he married you because it was the right thing to do, then I doubt there is much you can do to fix this and I think a divorce might be in order.
the fact that he never told his ex about you and the baby is a concern to me.
I get plenty of spam but not from dating sites or craigs list which I have never been too. so that's a LIE on his part.
I think he is not invested in the marriage and I sense that he married you out of a sense of right and wrong... you were pregnant and he felt he has no choice.
I think divorce might be a good option so you can go out and find a man to love you and your child the way you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2012): Sweetie, your doing nothing wrong to this relationship. Life has its ups and downs. Just find your way back up! Inspire him to be more in love with you. Try going on dates, vacations, something out of the norm. If you want this marriage to work out you have to keep trying. Think about your daughter, she needs a mother and father. Do this for your husband, daughter, and you! It might be difficult for you to make the first step into rehashing your relationship, but it will be worth it. Talk with your husband and how you feel about your relationship. He might want to me more involved but doesn't know how. Both of you need to work this out.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (23 May 2012):
 Oh dear, this is not good for your emotional well being. I am very sorry that he is acting this way. It sounds like he has shut down from the inherent responsibility that comes with being a husband and father, even though he is of age. I suggest that you have a serious sit-down sort of talk with him. No yelling, no blame, just address the issue. Why is he on dating sites and not paying attention to you? Why is he so friendly with his ex? These are things that you deserve to know.As your partner, he has the responsibility to be honest with you. If there is no communication or trust, then the relationship will whither. I also recommend going to a relationship counselor. It seems as though perhaps he has some commitment issues. If you got married because you were pregnant (not saying that you did, but it is a common situation), then maybe he feels like the commitment part was rushed. Regardless, he has a duty as a father and husband, if nothing else then to be honest with you.Much love and Best wishes
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