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female
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anonymous
writes: I have always been the biggest "goody two shoes" in my school. I recently graduated from high school and after I did I tried my first bit of alcohol. Later in the summer I went to the beach with a bunch of my friends. All of them have ahd sexual relations. I am not one to fall into peer pressure but I drank a little too much. I was feeling lonely becuase I am a girl who is always friends with boys and they never look at me like a girlfriend. I had not kissed a boy since 8th grade, and obviously there was not much to that one. Anyway, I had too much to drink because I rarely ever do it and I went down to the beach with this guy. I am usually so self conscious about my body but I didn't care at this time. We started to make out and then one thing led to another and he was trying to have sex. Once I realized what was going on I said no. He was out right away. I realized it was hurting and he said I was too tight to actually get in and have full sex. I have not stopped crying and throwing up since. I made myself sick to my stomach. I have never worn a tampon and I didn't bleed after. I was wondering if that meant I could possibly still be a virgin. I am so sick with myself. I went home and told my mom right away. I haven't been able to sleep. He wasn't in me for long and when he was I don't think he was fully in. I just need some advice. This was so out of my character. Thank you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 July 2005):
 There's a couple of issues here that you seem to have missed:
First, you were raped. Have you considered that this guy took advantage of your drunkenness and forced himself on you? That's date rape by any definition, and I think you should report him.
Second, even if he didn't ejaculate and was only inside you for a second or two, there's a possibility of pregnancy. Even the first drop of "pre-cum" has millions of sperm in it and lots of pregnancies have come about in just the way you describe. So, while I'm sorry to add additional headaches to your worries about your virginity, you really need to have a pregnancy test. You should also be tested for sexually-transmitted infections. Please go and speak to your doctor about it, or enlist your mum to arrange it for you. She should know about this, and because you have a relationship with her that you can tell her these things (bless her), she'll want to help.
As to your virginity, technically I'd say no. But what does that really matter? It lasted seconds and you didn't give consent anyway. I still say that you're 100% within your rights to continue to claim your virginity until you decide to give it to the right man.
Meanwhile, I applaud you for being a "goody two shoes". Nothing wrong with that! Look how much heartache it saved you in the past! And look what happened when you decided to throw caution to the winds and act like a character in some teen sex-romp. No, I suggest that your 'GTS' personality is the one you need to be true to.
And consider giving the alcohol a miss for a while. I haven't had a drink in over ten years and frankly, never even think about it any more. I enjoy knowing that I can think clearly all the time and no longer make decisions that I regret later.
Give yourself some credit and don't feel so guilty. All of us have experimented at your age. The only mistake you made was to get into a state where you could be manipulated. Make sure that you don't allow yourself into that state again and you'll be all right.
Just don't forget to talk to your doctor soon, OK?
A
male
reader, Courts +, writes (26 July 2005):
well if you say he didnt go in and you never bled, what I can conclude is that you are still 'whole' physically.' Emotionally you are not feeling ok. Try not to put so much strain on yourself and relax.
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A
reader, Ellen +, writes (26 July 2005):
yes consider yourself still a virgin. you would have bled and even still felt tender the next day. so dont worry and get some sleep.
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