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female
,
anonymous
writes: OK, this is a hard topic for me to put, there isn't really a catorgory for it. I don't know where to start but i dated one of my friends earlier this year as a rebound from my ex who im still not over, my friend suddenly changed dramatically and cheated on me i ended it even though i wasn't upset at all because he was only a rebound and my friend started stalking me saying he loves me and he wants to die with me and other simular stuff. I was so confused i thought we both knew it was a short term thing, he rang me up crying about his dad one night i went to his thinking we could repatch the friendship and he turned on me, badly he hit me twice, the second was so hard i fell he started kicking me and he completely changed i thought he was going to kill me, i've never been so afraid in my life i just froze. I managed to struggle out, but it carried on for months until one night i got so drunk i let it slip to one of my best friends and had to show the brusing and tell the truth about my black eye. He went mental and told my other boy mates they all went after my ex and beat him to a pulp. It had ended but i couldn't get what had happened out my head, then i had another encounter with a angry boy outside a club last week where i took a blow to the stomach. It brought back all my memorys, at the moment i feel i can't trust anyone and i will never be able to have a relationship. all my friends have supported me and my teachers and mum because i had to go to hospital once because of it. I sometimes get so depressed i just drink myself til im paraletic. I feel pathetic and degraded because of whats happened and i want a fresh 06 with it behind me but it wont leave my mind. Please help what do i do, will it ever be behind me and did i deserve it? Please someone help.
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best friend, cheated on me, depressed, drunk, my ex, my teacher, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i just want to say a big thank you to the 6people who have responded, i have sorted out councelling already and im spending New Year with my close friends and family, also my New year resouloution Give up the drink! i understand it will take me time but i am going to restart swimming and spend more time with my girlfriends. I have taken in all of your advice and i think it will take me a long time to put it behing but i have wonderful friends and family and all the time i want to get through it. Thank you very much it is apreciated and i wish you all a Happy New Year! xXx
A
female
reader, Racky +, writes (30 December 2005):
 hi
firstly i'm sorry to hear of your experience and to answer one of your questions no you didn't deserve it.
Have you tried speaking to someone who doesn't know you personally. it is a very hard experience to get over and with the love, care and support from those close to you will help you on your way to a brighter future. things will get better chick, a experience luike this will take a while to get over all i advise is try and do something you enjoy to take your mind off the experience. it will never go away but it will get easier to deal weith. when feeling depressed instead of turning to alcohol try to turn to people who care they won't think any less of you. all the best chick and hope your future is bright and happy
racky
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): Hi, let me just say that no matter what you need to keep on going. There will be times when you feel better and other times you won't, but you will be able to get through it. You will never forget something like that. I was in a relationship were I was beaten up. It's hard to deal with it at first but with time you learn to manage it. I didn't trust anyone either and it actually took me almost two years to start dating again. But don't give up and smile. It's not your fault. You never asked to be beaten. So don't feel guilty. Be strong and be thankful you have people who support you. Everything will be okay. Just keep on going. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): of course you didn't deserve it. Being a victim of abuse is so tough to deal with of course you won't trust guys again because of that fear of being abused again but, just let me tell you I was in a very bad abusive relationship I had a baby by this man. It's never easy to get out but, since you did and you want to move on this is what I did First of all I had alot of counseling just to talk to someone who won't spill my bizz. Then when I was ready to date guys again I just looked for sighns and I didn't get too close until I felt safe enuff which won't come right away it takes a long time some guys are so cool in the begining then turn on you . some sighns are there temperment over every day things how do they take to pressure do they drink alot do they treat their mother good I could go on and on I met my fiance and he doesn't call me names hit me or anything I thank god for that cause some girls go right back to that same situation Just keep your eyes opened don't get serious with any man unless it's been over 6 months the first months are always going to be good that's a given. Keep your head up don't let one guy spoil your chances of ever meeting a nice guy that knows how to treat a girl. If he doesn't leave you alone there is always restraning orders don't let him get the best of you girl your better than that you just need to find confidence in your self to do it. Best of luck hang in there it does get better especially with time it takes some time but have no doubts you'll pull through and be with a guy who deserves you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): Hi hun,
I'm so sorry to hear about this awful experience that you've been through. I have never been in this situation, but i would like to offer my advice.
You certainly did NOT deserve to be beaten up by this guy. He is a coward and a bully and he dosen't deserve to have any woman in his life and dosen't deserve their respect.
I know, at this moment in time, you feel as if you will never trust anyone again, i can understand that. This experience will take you a long time to get over, and you may still encounter flasbacks and bad memories.
What i can say to you is, concentrate on yourself right now, give up the booze. Even though at the time your getting plastered, your problems go away for a while, the next day, it's all still there. Think of other ways you can release your fears, anger etc. Maybe take up a new hobby, go out with friends and people you know do care about you. I know these sort of things do nothing at all for your confidence either. But your family and friends etc, do love you and care about you. Be careful in the future too. I know that you can never choose a perfect guy, but next time, the warning signs will be there. If you think he could turn violent towards you, if you have any doubts whatsoever, get out of that relationship as quick as you can. NEVER settle for second best or put up with a man who treats you like this. Remember, he has the problem, not you and none of this is your fault. You obviously put your whole trust in this guy and he hurt you, literally.
If your not ready to start a new relationship yet, then don't. Wait until you feel comfortable, and you feel comfortable to tell a new guy about your past. If he is understanding and cares about you, he will be prepared to wait until your ready.
Not all men are like this, there is someone out there who will treat you like a queen and give you the love you deserve. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): i am truely sorry that you had to experience this in your life. in no way did yuo ever deserve to be beaten up by your friend, boyfriend, or anyone. you must remember this. realize that you are the victim of someone elses's rage. it seems there was nothing that you did to deserve being hit or treated badly. the people who have the problem are the angry and weak men who chose to take out their aggressions on you.
i think that your "friend" is in need of some serious counselling for his temperment, but i also think that you are too. you are lucky to be surrounded by people who support you. and you are intelligent to be seeking and trusting them for the help the are offering you.
i believe that you will eventually be able to have a happy relationship..once you get over your past ones. there are plenty of nice men out there, believe me, and plenty of men who would never dream of hitting or kicking or harming a woman in anyway. there is a man out there for you who will treat you with the respect you deserve, you just haven't come across him yet. you will.
in the meantime, stay away from your "friend" as it will likely cause you more harm than good..and generate more unhappy memories than happy ones. you just need to surround yourself with people whoo love and support you until you are ready to trust men again. this will ikely take some time as healing doesn't happen overnight. but soon enough yuo will be able to trust again. stay positive and best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, askme +, writes (30 December 2005):
Because the relationship ended in the way that it did with your friends beating your boyfriend, you havn't dealt with it. You havn't been able to get the relationship out of your head, because you havn't coped with the emotional wounds. To do this you may want to consider therapy or counselling. They can help by going through the emotions you felt during the relationship and helping to except them and then get over them. By doing this you will overcome the feelings of worthlessness and depression. You say both your friends and mother have supported you which in its self shows that you are a good person and that you did not deserve what all of this men have done. Therapy again will help you overcome these feelings that you some how deserved what these men did to you. The men you have been with are bullies and for a bully to work effectively they make you feel worthless and make you feel that its your fault. You are so lucky to have supportive friends and family, concentrate on that and spend time with these people, this will help build your confidence. Good luck and a happy new year to you.
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