A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hi everyone! Would I please able to get some opinions on my situation. I was with my ex boyfriend for almost a year we got on very well and had a pretty good relationship. Although towards the end we began arguing and bickering over different things and it got more and more, one day he just left out of the blue saying he didn't want a relationship and if he wanted to be with anyone he would have been with me however he felt he needed to be single and accomplish things on his own. I was heartbroken. I don't feel I really got over it. We also had a holiday booked which we both lost due to breaking up 2 weeks before we were supposed to be going away. So that was that. We were broken up for almost 3 months, I was getting on with life, I did go slightly mad getting drunk all the time going to party's and going out round town. 3 months later (just recently) he's gotten back in touch, saying he feels he made a mistake and as long as he's got me everything will be fine. So we decided to have a another go, although I'm struggling. I feel like it could just happen again at any given moment and I'm going to be left the same as I was before. There's also some other little factors I am unsure about, he is now going on holiday with a friend (a party holiday) I am slightly nervous about this because past boyfriends that have gone on holiday have cheated on me whilst being there. I trust him I don't believe he is a cheat I truly don't. However he said "I won't be texting you every day while I'm there I can tell you that now" (his exact words). Is this right I feel If someone who cares about me can't give me a good morning and good night text whilst there on holiday then we have issues. Am I being too harsh with this? Also I don't like how he spoke to me when he said that. Another factor, I mentioned going on a little winter break just the two of us after he comes back from his holiday seen as we didn't get to go on our summer holiday togherer, at first he agreed and began looking on his laptop then when he saw the prices he decided they were too dear and just put his laptop away. Am I being too sensitive here? Should I try to give this relationship everything I have? Or should I just leave now and save myself all the heartbreak all over again?
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cheated on me, drunk, heartbroken, my ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (17 August 2017):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question To the most recent post..thank you that is what I thought too suppose we will just have to see how it plays out, but I definitely think I will end things if he takes the mess this time because last time my feelings didn't seem to matter. You are also right his commitment is appalling he changes his mind like the wind changes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2017): My view is slightly different .. this is again a semi new restart .. so really he should be doing the upmost to make you feel wanted and secure .. from what you've said I don't see this ..Your are anguish about his holiday that you have slight doubts due to him dumping you out the blue , who can blame you .. the asking if he can text morning and night to me should be something he wants to do .. if he wishes to be in a telationship it isn't asking for a lot in my view no ..my friend is in the military, he says that the first thing the enemy goes for in a battle is the communication.If the communication is cut, the soldiers are at a loss for what to do - so your now wondering why can't he text .. why won't he .. your mind starts to fill in blanks that maybe not there .. I mean a good morning text little sharing of his day ahead. Letting you know your a priority takes what 5 minutes of his time .. gosh so much drama there .. no your not askin a lot .. of you were asking for a constantly daily report I would be of a different opinion your not .. friends can go on holiday and text when they wish or not as there no need .. people who are more : do so because they want the other person not to worry even about their safety etc . next….unless they had already established a plan. - so if his morning / night text is something he can't be bothered doing - then if it I were you - I wouldn't chill.. I think your chilled , in not being snissed at the fact he ruined your holiday and is now on a boys trip .. I think your very chilled .. I would dump his sorry ass.. In fact I would laugh and say that's fine as this isn't going to work but you have fun out there as certainly I will be .. His commitment is wishy washy .. he thinks you'll have himnbacjnand he can do as he likes regardless of how you feel .. that's horrid and selfish .. I would walk away now and wish him well if he can't see what he will lose then that isn't your fault ..If you need a good morning/ night text .. you are not asking for the blooming moon .. don't let anyone on here say otherwise .. if they were in your shoes ; who knows if they'd be so chilled - they don't know all the circumstances of the break neither do I .. what I do know is people respect each other and don't start Governing how their going be and that you should just follow suit .. relationship are a two way thing .. you discuss .. compromise and asking for a morning and night text is nothing in the grand scheme of things .. my sister hubby when dating would call her from Spain once a day; just to hear her voice when on a boys holiday .. she didn't have to ask - he was letting her know that he cared so much that lil 20 mins away from the boys meant nothing as she meant something ..So stick to your guns .. either he respects them or it shows you what the future holds .. Chin up sweetie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): If you recycle your exes, you'll only get a rehash of what broke you up in the first place. People don't change overnight; and if nobody has changed during the short-time you were apart; you were only reacting to the separation-anxiety and fear of being alone. A misaligned co-dependency that offers neither party any benefit. Just a temporary-fix to a bad addiction to each other.
My older sister used to say: "Foolish people do wrong over, so they can get it wronger!" Funny but true!
People also try to reconcile motivated by the jealousy and fear the other person has moved on and found somebody else. Unable to handle the thought an ex is having sex with other people drives you back into a failed-relationship that had broken-parts that never worked. Both in denial, or at least one of the two is.
You didn't have some huge epiphany that transformed you both into two total strangers with no prior history. You just picked-up where you left-off. The "To be continued" segment after the cliff-hanger. Following the story of unresolved problems and issues that blew-up at the end of the last chapter.
The next chapter we're supposed to determine who lived and who died. Instead, we find both are living on life-support until they pull the plug; and the hot mess they call a relationship finally dies.
Once you breakup, you have to heal and get your head together. That can't happen when you run back into a burning building. You have to cut all ties, resist all urges to contact each other; and ignore the jealousy and ruminations that occur symptomatic and typical of all breakups.
You have to grow-up! You can do bad all by yourself. Most reconciliations fail; because people don't change and they don't know how to effectively solve relationship problems.
The second break-up will be twice as bad. Guaranteed! The pain will come from snatching the scab off an already sore wound. The mind heals a lot slower than your heart. The heart goes numb; but the mind stays busy replaying the painful parts over and over and over. Thus the 2nd breakup is much worse.
It's like a double-slap in the face. Breakups are not just bad experiences, they are also learning experiences. You should takeaway a few things that you can use that will prevent repeating the mistakes "you" made; and it's best to do that by letting go of the past, and your ex.
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A
female
reader, ALM12  +, writes (15 August 2017):
 Getting back with an ex is NEVER a good thing. If you have concerns that he may hook up during holiday maybe you may have to address that problem to him. If he can't get it thru his mind that you are concerned and he wants to argue with about how you feel FORGET HIM
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 August 2017):
 It could happen again. It could be YOU dumping him next time, who knows?
But dating someone and just sit and wait for the "other shoe to drop" it's not healthy. It sounds anxious and toxic.
Usually getting back with an ex is a disaster waiting to happen. Mostly because the ISSUE(s) that caused the break hasn't been resolved, so people assume you can just jump right back into it and voila! everything is back to "normal" - It rarely works. So the REASON behind him ending it in the first place... has that been resolved?
Not texting you every day when he is on holiday is not strange. He is there TO relax and enjoy his holiday not there to constantly soothe your insecurities, worries and what if's scenarios you run in your head. Not texting you "good morning and good night" for a week or two while he is on holiday doesn't mean he doesn't care. It means he wants a DRAMA free vacation and I don't blame him. He doesn't want his holiday to center around YOU and placating you. Maybe because you fear he could dump you again you have become a bit of a "cling-on"? All he said was I'm NOT going to text you EVERYDAY. So he didn't say I'm not going to text you at all. I'd let him "set the pace" on the texts while he is away. If he texts 3-4 times in a week TEXT the same amount back, and live your life as you normally do.
Learn to chill a bit.
Even IF you were texting him CONSTANTLY while he was away you can't PREVENT bad behavior. IF he is going to cheat, then he will cheat REGARDLESS of what YOU do. IT'S a CHOICE he will make or NOT make.
As for the winter holiday. Again chill. A relationship doesn't center around holidays together. If he can't afford it, GO with friends!! Have a girls vacation! Being a couple doesn't mean you from now on are CLUED together at the hip! MAybe he doesn't want to make plans for a holiday and disappoint you AGAIN. MAybe he JUST wants to go slow this time.
You need to find your independence here. From reading your post it seems like you want HIM to revolve around you because YOU revolve around him. Like a couple of colliding stars. HAVE a social life (and ease up on the drinking), spend time with family and friends. Exercise, have hobbies, work and save up for that girls' holiday!
However, when all is said and done - IF you ALREADY feel like this is NOT working for you then end it. If you are more focused on the "what if's" than the relationship it's already pretty unhealthy. The whole if he doesn't text me 2 times a day while on holiday then he mustn't care and I will end it.... It sounds controlling and needy. And it sounds a bit immature.
USE the time while he is on holiday to figure out if you THINK there is enough between you two to rebuild a relationship OR not.
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