A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My head manager acts friendly with everyone. He is very helpful. All the female employees are attracted to him. Some even flirt with him. I just keep a low profile and do my job. But he seems to try to get my attention a lot. He tries making small talk, tries to come. imto my space and claiming to help me with work. Even when I give him the cold shoulder, he takes it with grace and keeps trying to apease me. The only time my cold shoulder have an effect on him, is when I am laughing a lot with another male coworker whom I get a long with greatly. Then on a following day, he still tries to talk up to me, laugh and make small jokes. Even tries to fist bump. I usually walk away from him with a stiff facial expression, and thinking to myself how 'he needs to go try talking a bit more to his female admirers, who keep talking amongs themselves on how they want to sleep with him.' Even one of our female managers is in love wih him. And they both talk up close a lot, along with the others that are tying to impress him. I avoid him like the plague. He is offended by my distance. And I catch him either staring at me or walk towards me from out of nowhere. If he sees me coming, he starts to grin and wave. If he is talking to either the female manage, or another admirer, and I happen to come nearby, he stops talking to them, and turn to look at me and eavsdrop on what I say to someone nearby. Even when I keep ignoring and not replying to what he is saying to me, he might be upset for a couple minutes, but goes right back to being giddy around me, and talkative. Why is it so important to him that I should like him? When will he give up?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Well maybe he does need approval from his staff. That could just be the sort off man that he is. He may have self esteem issues and wants his staff to like him. He is probably confused at your coldness when he has been nothing but friendly to you.
Honestly don't allow it to worry you. Just be friendly and get on with your work. Unless he is making you feel really uncomfortable I would forget about what he has said.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@aunthonesty no. I just want him to know I see him as a superior and want him to be more serious. Now he is no longer closing shifts with me. He leaves as soon as my shift starts. If he happens to cross my path, he shouts my name and ask how I am. He doesn't need me to like him, even though I never gave that impression. I amm indifferent and civil with him. I try to be professional. He gets along with the workers that admire him. But my issue is the attention he is drawing for others about how he think I feel towards him. He never took me aside to ask anything. Its more like a social thing. Like he needs approval.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 May 2017):
I am not sure what you want to achieve, as both your posts where very different but yet we where still able to realize they where from the same person.
Honestly you admit yourself you are cold with him and give a stiff impression when he is talking to you. My guess is that is why he feels you dislike him, because you are sending off the signals. However I do believe you are putting up a front with this guy for whatever reason. Do you deep down admire him as well?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2017):
 My guess? he isn't used to it and maybe he is a drama queen? He is used to people liking him being friendly.
Think about cats... If you are a person who DOES NOT like cats you are 10 times more likely to attract a cat's attention in a room full of cat lovers.
Why not SIMPLY tell him:" I'm here to work, whether I like you or not is irrelevant, so can we skip the playground antics and just be civil?" Maybe it will work, maybe it won't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy question has to do with why is he making an issue of me not liking him, even mentioning it to cowotkers and other managers, especially when I have not said I don't like him. I respond to him when he talks, I do my job at my best ability, and what he ask, I do. So where is this "I know you dont like me" , "I know you dont want to hear my voice", "why do you leave me ganging?" Coming from? This is work. Not a social group. And he's the boss
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2017): I read posts carefully before I respond to them. Your second post contradicts your first one. Now I'm not sure what you're asking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2017):
So what IS your REAL question here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Youcannotbeserious @Honeypie @Slippers @WiseOwlE @BillyBathgate
Dear cupid chose the question title. I didn't. He's the one that started acting aloof after being nice at first. So I just became indifferent after he kept being hot and cold. I certainly am NOT looking for any attention from him. I am being courteous and businesslike with him. Please stop misunderstanding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are all awesome :)
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (7 May 2017):
There really is something wrong with you. Your manager is kind, friendly and helpful and you meet those qualities with open undisguised hostility? In many businesses actions such as yours would mean a quick trip to the unemployment line. I guess fortunately for you your manager is kind, friendly and helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): None of your post makes any sense. He's likeable and friendly to everyone around him. You seem aware of every move he makes and you go out of your way to be contrary.
Why?!!
You're implying that he's trying to make passes at you. I don't believe that is the case; and your behavior just makes you look like a scornful and bitter person. Jealous because he treats everyone the same, he's well-liked, and you're vying for more attention by being obstinate and petty. Like a little girl who likes a boy; but shows it by being mean to him.
Let's look at it this way. If it comes down to cutting down his work-force, considering for promotions, and who's the most valued-employees. Where do you think you'd rank?
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (7 May 2017):
I agree with youcantbeserious, this post is just slightly juggled about but reads the same as one previous . So my qs is why are you so hung up to me as honey pie suggests there is an element of jealously on your part and it comes over pretty clear .
I think the advice you have been given is more than appropriate and very good and yet you keep coming back for us to say what ?? He does fancy you .. he's making a play for you .. who knows ?? It looks to me he's trying to be friendly and your giving him the cold shoulder because all the girls fancy him. So you look different.. stand out so to speak . Being honest it just makes you look strange and having issues where there is none to be had
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2017):
Why not grow up and ACT professional at work?
If he is trying to be friendly with the staff, that might just be who he is.
So what if he is friendly with other female staff?
You are not in high school anymore where you ignore the flirty boys to garner their interest.
If he asks personal or inappropriate questions you don't WANT to answer BE honest. Or if he hovers and "try" to help you just tell him: "thanks, I got this." and go back to work.
Or if he ACTUALLY "hits" on you, tell him he is being inappropriate.
Are you in general a little unsure how to handle social situations? Or just this guy?
I have worked with men who flirts with anyone with a pulse, it's just who they are. What I learned fast was to not take them seriously and just go about my business, yet if they OVERSTEPPED my personal space and/or boundaries I told them to not do that. IT actually works.
You acting like you are playing hard to get (even if it's just because he makes you uncomfortable) will only make him pursue you harder trying to be "friends". So SET boundaries, be professional and not rude.
If he keeps overstepping your boundaries and you told him not to, GO TO HR. Or look for work elsewhere.
You actually sound more jealous than uncomfortable - but I could be mistaken as it's hard to read the "tone" of a post. If you are the ONLY employee who has issues with him, maybe this isn't the place for you.
The longer YOU make such a BIG deal out if this, the longer it will annoy you. The guy is not a mind reader and if he is just one of those people who wants everyone to get along and be friendly - he probably doesn't understand your hostility.
If he TRULY makes you uncomfortable, TELL him and set some boundaries.
MY question to you is... WHAT is your real problem here?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 May 2017):
 I am sure you have already recently posted about this but changed the story slightly, so I have to ask why are YOU so hung up on what this man thinks and does? I suspect YOU are the one with the problem, not him, otherwise you would simply be courteous and let him do his thing.
Why can't you be courteous to him? It is highly unprofessional to cold shoulder someone at work for no real reason. Is it because all the other females at work like him so you have to be different? Do you think that by being difficult he will value you more than the others in some way?
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