A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:What are the signs that a shy guy likes you?I'm friends with and sit next to a boy in one of my classes and I started to realise that I was really into him earlier this year. I was directing a show and I asked him if he'd please be in my band and he said yes instantly. I realised after I'd started the band rehearsals and we were spending more time together that I was really starting to like him. He even cancelled work shifts and orchestra practise to play on the nights for me. Me, him and another girl from my class all have a group chat together and we do lots of things as a trio. After the show him and I started talking more on the group chat, and eventually just on our own chat. We have lots in common - we listen to the same music, we have the same sorts of interests, we're both doing languages at university. We just get along like a house on fire and we're always happy in each other's company. Whenever I see him in person he's always smiling at me, his pupils dilate and he always looks at my lips, although I'm probably reading into those ones. Sometimes we talk till really late, just about anything at all. We started doing things together just me and him, without the other girl from our class, and he's never suggested we invite her even though we would normally do things as a three. Normally we just go to college to revise together but we've been out to eat together and have made future plans to do other stuff. We've even made plans to meet up when we are at university and were talking about going to Canada after we have done our final years. We went to a party together with this other girl from class and spent most of the party just talking. We sat on the stairs for like an hour, and there was a moment where I swear he wanted me to kiss him, but someone arrived and it never happened. Later on we were in a room with a load of people and he grabbed my arm and said 'can we go back to the stairs? I liked it there'. Towards the end of the party, we were sat on the sofa together by ourselves and he had his legs across me and I was stroking his hair (he doesn't really like being touched, even though he touches me more than most people) and we were talking quietly and having sort of a moment. Then this girl we're friends with sort of imposed herself and he sat up and the moment was over.I know what I am describing makes it sound as though he is into me too I think? But there's things that are stopping me from making any sort of move.Sometimes he's very different online to how he is in person. At the moment he is very bad at replying to messages, which could be put down to the fact that he is always revising for exams. I don't really read too much into it because he isn't very technological really, but sometimes it does feel as though he doesn't want to talk to me. He does always come and speak to me when we are at college, and we sit together in the library and he gets told off all the time for talking to me in there. I just think he likes alone time. I don't really see him with his group of friends, I only see him alone or with my group of friends, so I'm not sure if he behaves like this with any of his closer friends. It seems like I am in that situation where I think he might like me but I don't want to ask in case I am wrong and it ruins the friendship. He told me once that he isn't very emotional so I think this scares me away from asking him a little. Like, I think he does like me but I'm not sure he has confronted it much himself. I just don't want to have to live without him basically. I don't think he'd stop being friends with me if I was wrong but I don't want the awkwardness and I don't know how to avoid it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): If you've got to tiptoe up to a guy like a little bird or a fawn, that's far too spooky for the effort.
Your explanation of his behavior sounds like a guy who's mostly a loner and not particularly as interested in you, as you may be in him. He's not a baby, and should have the nuggets to let a girl know outright if he likes her. If he isn't mature enough to do that yet, then stop wasting your time. If you try and try, and he never seems to relax; then back-off. He may only want friends, but not a girlfriend.
Sometimes a guy is secretly struggling with his sexual-orientation; while girls are almost throwing themselves at him. He has to keep-up appearances, as not to draw too much attention to himself. Being shy (or pretending to be) often keeps him undercover. It doesn't mean he doesn't like girls or their attention; but he may not be interested in romance.
Be friendly and don't pressure. If he really likes you and he's straight; you won't have to try so hard.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 May 2017):
 Well, one of you is going to have to make a move at some point, otherwise you will be asking the same questions 5, 10, even 20 years down the line!
I wonder if he has the same reservations and questions as you do? I wouldn't mind betting he too wonders if you really like him or if you just see him as a friend.
Why not build up slowly and, next time you part company, give him a peck on the cheek and a hug? The time after, you could try a quick peck on the lips. Then a slightly slower kiss on the lips. You will soon sense if he is backing off or enjoying the contact.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): Get the other girl to ask him. That way he will sense that others notice the chemistry and he will probably speak candidly with her cuz there's no pressure of having to talk to someone you have a crush on. This is how I got to be with my current gf by the way and I am what people would call a "shy guy".
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