A
female
age
41-50,
*erfectlyFlawed
writes:I am almost 30 (yikes!) and recently single for the first time in my adult life. I was in a terrible marriage for nine years, which I have three little girls from, and then in another fairly serious relationship for two years right after my ex husband and I separated. The latter relationship was really no better than my marriage, so I have honestly never been in a happy, harmonious relationship.A good friend of mine met this really terrific guy on an online dating site, which I always vowed never to try. I am happy being single, not having to be tied down by anything or anyone, but longed for the same thing my friend had with her guy. So I bit the bullet and signed up on a singles site about five months ago.Almost immediately I started getting messages from someone. He seemed friendly enough, and although a bit younger (he's 25) and not really close to where I live (about 190 miles away), I decided to reply. We bantered back and forth for about a week or two when he asked for my phone number. I didn't see the harm in it, so I obliged. Our first conversation was over two hours long and there wasn't one moment we didn't have something to talk about.After talking on the phone for a few weeks we decided to actually meet. Our first plans got put on hold because he was in a minor accident that rendered his car undrivable.We immediately came up with other plans and finally met on Valentine's Day, of all days. We ended up meeting half-way so it was fair. It was way better than expected. We hit it off and had a great time. We didn't have plans to meet again until the end of March, but he surprised me by coming two weeks earlier all the way to my city. That visit was amazing. Our last visit was this past weekend, and I went all the way to his city. That was also a great visit.I really feel like I'm falling for this guy, but I don't know the first thing about a real relationship. We email back and forth multiple times a day, every day, and he calls me about 2 or 3 times a week (I never call him). I have actually never liked someone the way that I like him, and sometimes I feel like ending it all because it's all kind of overwhelming.To finally get to my question... Should I let him know how I feel, or should I just roll with it and see how it ends up?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Hey, the best part of a new relationship is the getting to know each other phase. It sounds like you're back on track with looking for a suitable, sane guy and I think if you just take it gently and slowly, you'll do just fine.
I recommend this book for you to work out what happens to you in relationships. It worked really well for me, and I only ever read a chapter or two ahead of where I actually was in my developing relationship with the man who I married..
'A Fine Romance' by Judith Sills PhD.
Enjoy your newfound freedom and your new love interest!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): When you include the overwhelming comment, then you do have to spend time and go over the why's of how you feel about the situation. You both appear to be perfect for each other, and you want to be careful that you don't mess up a good thing. Your comment about not knowing the first thing about a real relationship kind of includes us all. The sharing of feelings that tells the other person who we are, and for them to protect us from being harmed by it if we can, or not to do it our selves is the most tricky aspects of relationships. If you can succeed on this part and you both bond and trust more, then you will have ventured where to few make it through. Take it slow and test the waters. So far, everything is great, now you both need to go in deeper to learn how each tick so that you can compliment the other with strengths and weaknesses.Looking back on your last relationship, does the above sound like this was missing and possibly why it didn't last?Relationships are tricky, complex and scary. Instead of the usual surface, we need to know who they really are, and this is where many tell white lies for fear of being hurt again, rejected, and ridiculed for their feelings.Take it slow in this area, and begin with light conversation working towards revealing the soul. If you both can do this with minor cuts and bruises, and come out respecting, charishing, trusting, and their for each other like a shield, you both will probably live happyily ever after. Life always throughs curves, but you will have learned and experienced techniques (these communication skill to honestly and freely discuss feeling and what and how to deal with them).
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 It sounds like he likes you too, so I would tell him personally. If you talk for this long and he came all the way to see you, he must feel something for you. You wouldn't do that just for someone you are on casual terms with. He's obviously crazy about you, at least from what you say. I think you should tell him. What's the worst that could happen? You may regret not telling him in the long run.Wishing you the best.xx
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