A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and he is 8 years older than me (imonly 18). I find myself feeling jealous when he goes out, as i dont go out hardly ever, and i also get jealous because he talks to quite a few old friends- of which are girls. He always says that he has been talking to them for years and they are only people he chats to about music ect- but why do i always feel jealous and end up causing rows because i sometimes make silly comments on these past women. We live about 2 and a half hours from each other, so we dont get to see each other often, and i do want to eventually settle down with him. He has had quite a few girlfriends in the past, of which we have talked about and yet again, i get that jealousy streak. Is it because im young and still havent lived my life like he has, and havent had as many partners as he? I want to be with him seriously (you know, like forever), but i just cant come to terms with his past and the way he still chats to other girls? (im pretty sure he would be mad if i did what he was doing)!! please help me with some advice. xx =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): As you say your very young and your boyfriend is older than you. It is perfectly normal for you to feel jealous of his friends and his going out, especially since you have nothing else to occupy your time. It is unhealthy this dependence you have for your boyfriend. You should have your own interests and your own friends. The fact that you stay at home whilst he goes out and has fun is probably contributing to your jealousy. Contact your friends and make arrangements to go out with them. Find new hobbies and intrests that will take you out of the house. Your boyfriend has a right to his friends, be they male or female. If you suspect him of cheating you have every right to leave him, but you do not have the right to force him to give up his friends for you. He's known them longer than you and will miss them and resent you if you force him to choose. He's a man, not a child, it's not possible for him to change the past, or stay at home just to make you feel secure. You need to change, get some interests of your own, so you too can become an interesting person with a full social life.
A
female
reader, Ember13  +, writes (28 June 2008):
I understand this feeling having had it before and I have contradicting thoughts on this.
First it could be that it's your "intuition" and maybe you do have something to worry about.
But most likely you're just insecure. I'd suggest reading some self-help books to boost your self-esteem, confidence, and insecurities. If you trust him and you're able to come to terms with yourself you'll be ok.
If it's him that's not making you feel comfortable then have him calm your fears too. But if it's something within you I think you have to look to yourself first.
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A
male
reader, gmoney +, writes (28 June 2008):
He is playing you.
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (28 June 2008):
 I'm sorry you don't have any answers so far, and I'm sorry that I can't provdide one either. That's because I'm in almost the exact same situation. It is difficult and I can't figure it out either.
Sorry I don't have an answer, but at least you know you're not the only person out there who feels this way.
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